We often talk about recognizing our strengths and weaknesses. One of my strengths is when I am on, I am ON. I am positive, energetic, wanting to do more. Unstoppable! The person that I want others to see, the person I like to see.
On the flip side is my weakness - when I am off, I am OFF. I hide behind the glass rock. I do not blog, I miss classes, I am not motivated. The more this occurs, the deeper I get lost. There are many things that can turn your switch OFF. The difficulty I am having is that not only am I recovering physically, I am recovering mentally as well. Individually these are a challenge but when both are off, I am lost! The last few weeks I have been struggling with physical setbacks. Now add this with "brain fog" which can occur from chemo or radiation (I had lots of both) and a meeting about returning to work in the fall and my mental capacity was also overloaded. This resulted in sadness, depression, sleeping 4 hours in a day, and no motivation. I was not engaged in classes (there is a difference between attending and engagement) or I missed classes entirely.
The one action that I am trying to build as a strength is when to ask for help and from whom. My trigger point is my sadness and lack of engagement. The lack of engagement in my Kung Fu quickly becomes a lack of engagement in other daily activities increasing my sadness. It really is a downward spiral that gains momentum the longer it is left unchecked. I reached out to a variety of people. My medical team put me back on prednisone for the physical issues, my parents came to help around the house, I'm working with an occupational therapist on the brain fog, referred to a psychologist for the sadness and depression, joined some cancer support groups and am taking advantage of the classes they offer. I continue to do my exercise classes, booked a 1-1 with Sifu Rybak and worked on my hand and weapon forms. All of this helped move the OFF to an ON.
The biggest step is recognizing when I am OFF and then knowing what it takes to move that switch to ON. Also to know that the actions I take today may not be the actions I need the next time. Hopefully this will help to make those OFF times shorter. I am the strongest advocate for my physical and mental health and I know that I can not do this alone.
See you on the virtual mats!
