A Bad Day and an Ego

 Yesterday was a bad day.  I decided to blog about it so it doesn't become a bad week.  

I woke up sore!  Not only did my shoulder hurt, so did my hips, my knees, and my foot felt so cramped that I couldn't walk on it most of the day.  I was also feeling pretty bummed.  Tuesday's class took a hit on my self esteem.  Well, actually it was more of a hit on my ego. 

I have been increasing my training as I know that I am no where close to my blackbelt grading requirements and thought I was progressing okay but yesterday my old body said "NOT TODAY" and I listened to it but more than I should have.  I did nothing!  I felt sorry for myself and wallowed in my self doubt.  I did not train and by the end of the day I did NOT feel any better.  I could have done SOMETHING!  Even some stretching or some yoga would have been something.

Now about the Ego hit.  We were doing spinning back kicks and I thought I was getting better but Tuesday showed how much I still need to go. Sometimes I think I don't deserve my second degree belt but that comment says that I doubt my instructors which is not true so I have to evaluate why am I thinking this way.  We have been told not to compare ourselves to others.  I use to think that I didn't have an Ego but the more mindful I am becoming, I am finding I have the worst type of Ego.  One that is sneaky and silent because I DO compare myself to others and then  I will make excuses that I can justify in my mind.  A silent and sneaky Ego.

How do I fix this?  My first step is blogging and the second is to train.  Already I feel a bit better and I am sure it will get better throughout the day.  My third step will be during my 1-1 meetings and getting the guidance to continue to move forward on my path.  

* I wrote this for me and didn't plan to share but even this blog has improved my day and allowed for me to get some training in.  Now to work on that darn Ego. 

Kung Fu and Chickens

During the pandemic, my friend and I have started raising chickens. The last few days we have been dealing with a sick chicken. Something was off, the chicken was not looking or acting right.  We had no idea what was happening so off to the internet.

Initially we thought she may have an impacted egg so we tried sitz baths, olive oil, and rehydration with electrolyte solution using a syringe.  Then we switched gears as it also presented as a crop issue so we added crop massages to our treatment plans.  We were fighting time as she was deteriorating very quickly but we kept getting periods of positivity so we knew not to give up.  Last night things started moving and finally she started pooping (who would ever think someone could be excited about a chicken pooping but we were) and then eating and drinking.  This morning she was behaving more like her normal self and is now back in the coop.

As all this was occurring, I kept thinking about my Kung Fu.  Why? I had questions regarding the dragons whip/open round house combo in Da Mu Hsing this week.  Something was wrong with my kick  (Noticing something was off with the chicken).  So I started thinking about the intent of the combo.  I tried a number of modifications to see if I could figure out what was causing the issue (our initial treatment plan) of spinning too much on the kick. I booked a 1-1 with Sifu Rybak and discussed what I was seeing and what changes I needed to make (consulting the internet).  I was over committing to the Dragon's whip and anticipating the spinning back kick. I needed to remain square to the front  for the Dragon's whip, recover, and THEN turn with the spinning back kick (modify treatment plan).  Although it only felt a little better, I needed the time and practice for the improvement to really feel better (time).  Although the chicken rebounded quicker than my form, it was still the same path we both followed.

It’s all in the approach we take to problems.   Have a goal (get a healthy chicken/ fix a form), create a plan (isolate chicken and treat/ intent of form and determine why kick is not working), have a success coach (internet/1-1 with Sifu),  take consistent action (lots of sitz baths and massages/many repetitions of the form), review goal (still sick chicken/ kick now adding pressure to knee), review plan (add crop massages/ reevaluate stances), and goal obtained (healthy chicken/kick now has intent with proper recovery). If this approach sounds familiar, you might recognize have heard about the “blackbelt success cycle” .  This just shows that this approach can be used for problems we encounter both in and out of the kwoon.  Even into the chicken coop!

See you on the virtual mats!

Injuries

For many years of my Kung Fu journey,  I have been struggling with shoulder injuries.  It is not an acute injury but a chronic one, meaning I’ve had it for along time.  Luckily it hasn’t been bad enough to totally limit me, it just causes pain in certain positions and certain activities.  I have went to acupuncture, physiotherapy, chiropractor, and massage over the years but it has never completely healed.  I finally went to my doctor about it and Tuesday I go for X-rays and ultrasound. 

So why did it take so long to go to a doctor?  I thought I could do it on my own, it wasn’t acute so it must not be too bad, and so on.  Just excuses.  I was and am scared. I’m scared they won’t find anything and say it’s all in my head.  I’m even more scared that they will find something that will impact my future.  My doctor had said “be prepared that you may never do a push up” and that really bothered me. But the real reason it took so long was that I was also not ready for this journey.  Being scared has held me back.

Now I am ready.  I am ready to accept the help of my doctor instead of trying to do this myself.  I have been training but being mindful of discomfort verses pain.  Discomfort can help build you back up, pain will set you back.  I am trying to push myself a bit further each week without over taxing myself which will cause another setback, I have had too many of those already.  Why?  Because I wasn’t being mindful of my body.  I thought I could fix it myself.  That is why I will honestly say that I did wall pushups or something else modified because if I can’t see these as successes, how can I confidently work through this?  Hiding or exaggerating won’t help me or anyone else struggling with an injury.

I do not know what the future will hold but I am ready to find out what I’m working with.  I may not be able to totally fix my shoulder, but I can build it up to the strongest it can be.  I want my Kung Fu to be sustainable so I need to know I can continue it even through any injury.  I just wished I would have asked for help sooner. Maybe that is the biggest takeaway.  Asking for help is not a weakness.  Recognizing that you need help and taking action is the biggest thing anyone can do for success, whether dealing with injuries or something entirely different.  We are all in control of our own journey.

See you on the ‘virtual’ mats!

Wishing 2020 away!

This last year (2020) brought a lot of change. Our new normals consisted of hand sanitizer, face masks, temperature checks, stay-cations, making bread, puzzles, working remotely and dumpster fires. Many people have wished for 2020 to be gone due to the amount of changes that we had.

There were changes to work and schooling.  I have been working from home since March, needing to adapt to managing staff remotely.  Luckily, one of my teams was provincial so I already had skills that I could use.  My children have seen online schooling surrounding each side of the few months when they were physically back.  With remote internet, this has been a challenge for the family but we work around it.  School went from two semesters to four which the kids have actually adapted to quite easily.

There have been changes to shopping and social gatherings.  Most of my groceries are done now online.  The majority of my Christmas shopping was done online while trying to support local (or Canadian) businesses. Lower prices used to be a major factor in purchasing, and now that is not my deciding choice.  Social gatherings are limited to people who have the same beliefs, ideals, and practice when they could occur.  The majority of the time, we were with our immediate household. Although I have not seen my parents physically, I have made sure that I am speaking with them more then before.

One of the biggest changes was to our Kung Fu training.  We went from full contact classes to virtual on-line classes, back to class but with physical distancing, and currently back to online classes.  In our household alone, training has been done in our living room, the outside deck, and finally we have a spot downstairs that we are still tweaking. We have gained a lot in our Kung Fu training during this change as our instructors have adapted and offered 1-1s and instructional videos to supplement class training.  

There has always been two ways to approach this change, ignore it or adapt.  These changes could impact people either positively or negatively.  Not all change is positive, but adaptation will allow for some type of positivity from the experience.  It allows us to look at things in a bigger picture.  

Not only have I adapted, I have seen how other Kung Fu students have adapted as well.  Zoom meetings for working out, Kung Fu Advent calendar, home training areas that were not there before, connecting outside of scheduled classes.  This adaptation is the biggest skill that we have learnt through our Kung Fu training.  It did not start this year, it started the day we walked into the kwoon.  We have always been taught to adapt for injuries, shown multiple techniques because there is no one right way, adapt a form for space available, be aware of your partners' skill and adapt how you spar, the list goes on. We are given reminders to help us stay grounded,  breathe, and focus on  "Where am I and what am I doing?".  

Do I wish 2020 away?  Absolutely not.  Wishing away time is one less day, month, year that I will NEVER get back and those are finite.  So I use the skills that I have gained to adapt to 2020 and to find the positives.  We were able to start new things that we never tried  (buying a sailboat and raising chickens) and work on things that were always left on the back burner (home renos and organizing).   I have trained at home and have trained with my family more than ever before.  It has brought our family closer.  Why would I wish that away.

What were some of the positives you experienced while you adapted to these changes?

See you on the "virtual" mats!