Yesterday was a bad day. I decided to blog about it so it doesn't become a bad week.
I woke up sore! Not only did my shoulder hurt, so did my hips, my knees, and my foot felt so cramped that I couldn't walk on it most of the day. I was also feeling pretty bummed. Tuesday's class took a hit on my self esteem. Well, actually it was more of a hit on my ego.
I have been increasing my training as I know that I am no where close to my blackbelt grading requirements and thought I was progressing okay but yesterday my old body said "NOT TODAY" and I listened to it but more than I should have. I did nothing! I felt sorry for myself and wallowed in my self doubt. I did not train and by the end of the day I did NOT feel any better. I could have done SOMETHING! Even some stretching or some yoga would have been something.
Now about the Ego hit. We were doing spinning back kicks and I thought I was getting better but Tuesday showed how much I still need to go. Sometimes I think I don't deserve my second degree belt but that comment says that I doubt my instructors which is not true so I have to evaluate why am I thinking this way. We have been told not to compare ourselves to others. I use to think that I didn't have an Ego but the more mindful I am becoming, I am finding I have the worst type of Ego. One that is sneaky and silent because I DO compare myself to others and then I will make excuses that I can justify in my mind. A silent and sneaky Ego.
How do I fix this? My first step is blogging and the second is to train. Already I feel a bit better and I am sure it will get better throughout the day. My third step will be during my 1-1 meetings and getting the guidance to continue to move forward on my path.
* I wrote this for me and didn't plan to share but even this blog has improved my day and allowed for me to get some training in. Now to work on that darn Ego.
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