Accepting frustrations

Yesterday was a frustrating day and it carried into my Kung Fu.  In Tai Chi, I couldn’t feel my chi.  My centre was high, there was no flow.  I fought each move but worse was that my mind kept wandering.  I would notice and think “where am I, what am I doing?”  but a few minutes later it was off on its own again.  Our class was not much better.  It left me wondering why I couldn’t keep my focus.  

At first I was mad at myself which just made things worse. Then I thought about it and accepted the fact that I have a lot going on right now and that will spill over.  “Accepting” means I’m not beating myself up over this but it does not excuse future actions. I removed the guilt, resulting in a better today.

I need these frustrating moments to practice my coping strategies because right now they are pretty minor.  They will become tougher down the road, and just like anything in KF, if you don’t practice your skill, you will lose it.

See you on the mats!

Ego and Injuries

Everyone will end up with an injury sometime in their lives and you must modify your activities while you recover from an injury.  So why does it seem so much harder when training?  Although I want to be in class, I feel like I may be distracting to my training mates.  I am not giving my 100% on the class lesson so should I really be attending?  Am I going to learn anything if I can't do the class?   It all has to do with my ego.   My ego is worried about what others are thinking, that I am being judged, that I am not good enough.  My mind is powerful, with positive thoughts and negative ones.

This year has proven how wrong my ego is.  If I didn't train when I had an injury, I would have lost most of the year.  I would have been out of many classes, sitting on the bench instead of doing what I could.  Sometimes I am at the back of the class and sometimes I am doing modifications in class but I need to give 100% effort on the activities that I can do.  That is the difference! If I try to make it "look" like I'm doing the activity but with no effort, what is the benefit?  I am only fooling myself.

But injuries are also the best breeding grounds for mediocrity.  Injuries give permission to modify, rest, recover and it is easy to use these as excuses.  I get frustrated training after an injury because of all the progress that has been lost.  It is easy to let that frustration take over.  My ego thinks I should be able to come back to where I was but that is unrealistic.  Every day that I don't train, is a slip downwards.  A week off is a major set back so I need to find other ways to train, that way if I am slipping in one area, I am still progressing in another.   But that can lead to mediocrity as well, I can always be looking for a workaround instead of pushing myself as the injuries heal.  Training with injuries can let my ego open the door to mediocrity so I must stay mindful always.

See you on the mats!

Zen questions

 

• What is Zen? : Webster defines Zen as a Japanese sect of Mahayana Buddhism that aims at enlightenment by direct intuition through meditation or a state of calm attentiveness in which one's actions are guided by intuition rather than by conscious effort.  Pirsig describes it as a lack of division between your physical, emotional, and mental activity.  When you are in harmony with your body, your mind, your soul.

• Explain and comment: The truth knocks on the door and you say, “Go away, I’m looking for the truth” and so it goes away. - You can be so focused on finding something that you cannot see the obvious in front of you and you disregard it, not realizing that this is what you are looking for in the first place.  Because you are not expecting it, you disregard it even though its what you are looking for.  You must remain open and receptive to ensure that you are able to recognize and appreciate everything around you. 

• What is a Chautauqua? A traveling story told by a story teller to enrich the audience’s mind and entertain the listener.  In Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, the Chautauqua is the story of the author and his path on recovering his former personality that was wiped after medical treatments.

• Who is Phadrus? (historically and in the book) - According to litcharts, “Phaedrus, is named after an Ancient Greek Sophist who appears in Plato’s Socratic dialogue Phaedrus." Phaedrus in Greek translated to Wolf.  Phadrus (or Phaedrus) in the book is the prior personality of the author that was wiped away by court appointed medical electric shock treatments when he was a young adult “suffering” from mental illness.  Phaedrus was a genius and a philosopher.  Throughout the book, Phaedrus’ personality returns back to Pirsig. 

• What does Pirsig have to say about:

◦ dedication - Someone is not dedicated to something that has absolute belief.  They are dedicated to something that they believe in but there can be doubt like religious or political views.

◦ Kant - All knowledge comes with experience but not out of experience.  We can use a priori to sense objects from previous experience.

◦ gumption - It is a person that does not sit and think about things.  They do things, they take action.  The person is self aware.

◦ perception - “Thou art that” meaning that there is no division between how you perceive yourself and how you perceive your outside world.  The two are one and by understanding that it allows for a greater understanding of both yourself and the perception you have on the outside world.

◦ blockages - this was caused when you were overwhelmed by the bigger picture or by already perceived thoughts.  The only way to break dow the blockages was to focus on a simple, singular task or brick and then start.  Once the single task was accomplished, you could branch out and expand as required.

• What is the real University?  The real University is more than the books and buildings that the subjects are taught in.  It is the knowledge and content, the wisdom.  The things that are able to exist without the physical constants of the physical building.  It would exist even if there was no buildings or texts as long as someone was able to continue the knowledge and wisdom onto others.

• What is a priori? “Aspects of reality that which are not supplied immediately by the senses”.  Examples are time or space.  You can’t see it, touch it, feel it but it is there.  You know it is there.  To me, Chi and energy would also fall under this category.  

• What is the difference between classical and romantic understanding?  Classic understanding focuses on the underlying details of a concept where the romantic understanding deals with feelings, looks, the senses.  The classic understanding is the logic, the rules, the details of an item.  A paint by number would be a classic example where Bob Ross painting would be a romantic example.  Although our Kung Fu has underlying Classical components, it is the Romantic part that allows someone to be a Martial Artist.  

• What is the real purpose of scientific method? It makes sure that you do not assume things causing you to go down the wrong path and thus come to the wrong conclusions.  The purpose of scientific method is to use deductive and inductive reasoning to find solutions to a problem in the quickest amount of time possible.  Both solutions (deductive and inductive) would come to a resolution but would take an extreme amount of trial and error as you work through each possible solutions.  By using both methods, you can remove possible solutions without needing to work through them, therefore decreasing your effort and time.

• What is “The Church of Reason? Pg 151 - Phaedrus explained that a church may be a building but the teachings of the church is not limited to that building.  This was the same with knowledge.  It did not come from a specific place, like a University that was a set of buildings.  It was gained from many places.  Textbooks, scholars, etc.  The focus is on knowledge, not on the building or the institution that supports this knowledge. 

• What is Quality?  Phaedrus had a hard time describing quality and his path to identifying it is the foundation to the entire book, it was what caused his spiralling into a blackhole before he was admitted to hospital to undergo shock therapy.  As Pirsig goes through recalling his Quality journey, it allows for Phaedrus to come back through memories and fragments coming together.  Prisig knew it was when something is better than something else but could not identify the characteristics that defined what “better” was.  He spent many years thinking about it.  It caused him to circle over and over on the subject, objective verses subjective, romantic verses classic, mind or matter.  Even the Oxford dictionary states Quality is “the standard of something as measured against other things of a similar kind; the degree of excellence of something” but how it’s measured and what it is measured against is all subjective, it is in the eyes of the beholder.

• Use climbing a mountain as an analogy to learning Kung Fu - I have a few issues initially with this analogy as you need to be prepared to climb a mountain.  You need to ensure you are physically in shape, have the correct gear,  plan your path ahead of time, know where physical constraints (water sources, cliffs, etc).  If I had to do all this before joining Kung Fu, I am not sure if I would have walked onto the mats.  Also I see climbing a mountain as having a final destination where learning Kung Fu is a life long event.  I guess Kung Fu could be a very LARGE mountain.  Now that being said, there are many similarities and that is what is what I will use for the analogy.  First you need to make the decision do it, either starting up the mountain or joining Kung Fu.  Once that decision is made then you need to start doing something.  Taking a step at a time.  The quickest way is to follow the paths that others have laid out ahead of you.  Understanding where others have succeeded and failed in the past.  You need to know your limitations and how to work within those limitations to continue the progress upwards.  There will be times that you will need to back track and reevaluate your path.  There will be times when things do not go as expected, things break down.  There will be times that you question why you are doing this but then you will reach a place that is breath taking.  A place that you know only a few people in the world have ever reached and it makes all the work that you have done worth it.  It reinvigorates you to keep going,  You meet like minded people along the trail, people who give you advice and ones that you will advise, both done done in a positive manner with only success in mind. The journey allows you to appreciate what is around you, what you have been given.  It challenges both the body and the soul but comes with the greatest rewards as well.  

• What is the difference between an ego climber and a selfless climber?  An ego climber is one who is doing their actions for their own purpose.  They do not have an issue with stepping on others to progress. They are centred on how things impact them.  A selfless climber is also climbing upwards but will never use someone for their own advancement.  They advance by helping others and learning along the way.  They look to see how things benefit the larger group which may or may not directly benefit them but they know it will benefit them in the long run.  The selfless climber has to find that balance to make sure that they do not get caught in a “helping”mode which could impact their progression.

• What is the difference between a good mechanic and a bad mechanic? The biggest difference between the two is Investment.  A good mechanic is invested in their work and goes the extra mile to make things are done right.  They understand what they are doing or will gain that understanding if they do not know.  A bad mechanic is one that just does what the manual says to do.  They do not feel, listen, or are invested in the work that they do.

• What effect does “peace of mind” have on outcomes?  When Peace of Mind is accomplished, it allows for the melding of your mind into your surroundings.  You are at total peace with yourself and everything around you.  In this state, it allows you to embrace your surroundings and amplifies all actions that are occurring within it.  This allows for better results when you are doing a task by being more aware of the task and the actions that are needed to accomplish it. There are no distractions, you are in the moment, therefore Peace of Mind improves your outcomes with greater quality.

• What is the best way to teach Kung Fu?  The best way to teach Kung Fu is to first make sure you understand and appreciate the history of Kung Fu and where our teachings have come from.  This will enable you to be humble as you interact with students.  Second you teach by example, showing respect, doing Kung Fu. If you want a student to learn and have it stick, you must let them have their own path with gentle guiding.  It’s like seeing someone handling, one by one, all the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle whose solution you know, and you want to tell him, ``Look, this fits here, and this fits here,'' but you can't tell him. Even with gentle guiding, he  may wander blindly along one trail after another gathering one piece after another and wondering what to do with them.  You must trust that the pieces will fall together and show his picture, his path which will then be his own. 

• What is the best way to change the world?  The first step to change the world is to do something.  Find something that you are passionate about (or that interests you) and then take an action.  Make sure you have unbiased knowledge on your topic;.  Then spread the word.  Blog about it, talk about it, get others involved.  Realize that every action or inaction has the ability to change the world, for good or for bad, so you need to be aware of that as well.

• Comments. One of Pirisg’s quotes that really impacted me was “For every fact there is an infinity of hypotheses. The more you look the more you see.”  This has become very evident this year while training for Kung Fu.  Each time I discovered details on my movement, my reactions, my actions it showed ten more things for me to now investigate.  Instead of coming to a spot where I feel I have learnt something so throughly that there is nothing left to learn, by having my eyes opened I now see how much more there is to learn with no ending in sight.  I embrace this learning.

A New Kung Fu Journey

November has brought many health challenges.  It started during the procedure when I was getting my skin cancer removed, I bled more then what they expected.  This surprised me as I have a lot of platelets (used to create clots).  They stated it was nothing to worry about but this added to a few other symptoms triggered me to talk with my hematologist.  After reviewing everything, she wanted me to go for a bone marrow.  This is where they go into your hip bone and take a small piece of bone and then take out a marrow sample (blood cells are created in your bone marrow) to see what is happening at the source.  Unfortunately my previous blood disease (polycythemia vera) has now changed to Myelofibrosis, meaning that the bone marrow is scarred so there is less room for cells. It also meant my procedure was more invasive as they could not get a lot of marrow and needed to do two bone samples.  

Results continue to come in fast which is leading to more tests and more appointments but it explains many issues that I have been dealing with lately like joint pain, fatigue, easy bruising, etc.  My hematologist has referred me for a Bone Marrow Transplant which means they will need to wipe out my current bone marrow with chemotherapy and maybe radiation, and then they will give me stem cells from a donor.  This will all be done in Calgary and I will need to be at Calgary for at least 3 months before I can be released home for more recovery.  Even before the transplant, it will take some time until they are able to find a suitable donor. 

So how does this relate to Kung Fu?  The process ahead of me is also part of my Kung Fu journey.  It will take time and with little steps I will continue to progress.  Without being aware and listening to my body, I would have missed these signs that have helped for an early diagnosis.  This awareness has come from being mindful with my eating, my activities, how I feel, all things that Kung Fu has helped me realize.  Without constant blogging, I will not be able to see the progression that I am making.  There are great resources available to me in my Kung Fu family.  Sifu Lagner has already reached out and I can't wait to learn from his experiences.   It will be a challenging road ahead for me and my family but Kung Fu has given us many tools for us to use to help navigate the road ahead.

I would like to share some things I have learnt so far that were interesting:

1) Adults - book an appointment with a public health nurse to review your immunizations.  I was behind in Tetanus, Pneumonia and Influenza B.  Don't forget your flu shot!  

2) Bone Marrow/Stem Cell Donor Bank - Most bone marrow/stem cell donors will come from "strangers". https://www.blood.ca/en/stemcells To join the registry you must be between 17 and 35, in good health, etc.  Once you register, they will send you a mouth swab.  That is all that is needed to be added to the registry.  For more information see https://www.blood.ca/en/stemcells/donating-stemcells/stemcell-eligibility-and-registration.  Most common way to harvest stem cells is through the blood.  They take blood out, filter out the cells they want and put the rest back into you. Joining does not commit you to donating.  

See you on the mats!

Nuggets of Gold

When we first learn, we reference documentation and resources constantly. As you gain more confidence, you refer less and less to these resources.  Then comes a point where you feel you have mastered it and no longer need to reference these materials.  

I have been using the Livestream videos to "refresh" my knowledge. I was planning on reviewing a specific portion of the video only because I "knew" the other portions.  Luckily I was using my phone so I couldn't just jump to where I wanted.  I soon found nuggets of gold in so many other areas.  "Am I missing that move?" "Do I connect my hips with my hands in that move?" "hmm, forgot about that total nugget!" and the list goes on.  

It is good to know information so you are confident and have it committed to memory but we should always review the original information with an open mind to recognize bad habits or missing sections.  I have experienced this many times outside of my Kung Fu videos.  Side effects of a medication I have been taking for 15 years, or doing an exercise mindlessly so its not as effective as intended.  If you want an example, take out your car manual, your phone manual, your work procedures and review.  You will find something that you either forgot, didn't really understand, or just didn't know. 

We are very lucky to have our Kung Fu videos as references and to have Ms Ward's table of contents so we know quickly where to review.  Unlike a car manual, these are only tidbits of information, there is more knowledge in our classes, from different Sifu's, from our past masters.  When these past masters are no longer with us, we lose that knowledge, that resource.  

Next time you are at the Kwoon 1) take a look at the altar and think about all the knowledge lost from our past masters that are now gone  2) have gratitude for the knowledge that is still with us, either learnt or to come 3) have a great class 4) reflect on what knowledge you learnt 5) cement that knowledge in so it is not lost and then 6) continually review your knowledge and make corrections.  Only then can we ensure our history is not lost as we continue to grow our knowledge.

See you on the mats!