Lau Gar and chemo brain

Today was my first on video black belt class in 9 months.  I’ve been monitoring the class and working with the video off so I was very nervous.  I almost talked myself into “one more class” of video off. 

Why was I so nervous?  Chemo brain is a real thing. My forms (and most other things) take so much more thought process than before.  So I start to think “What if I don’t know them, will I look silly?”  All the ego self doubt talk that we all do at one time or another. I was about to use it as an excuse but figured I will do what I can.  I know I’m not being judged so why was I letting my ego dictate this.

I had Mike help me with Lau Gar before class.  I remembered more than I thought but I did have some issues with transitions.  When I did my class, I went at my speed and focused on trying to maintain grounding. My balance and stances were shaky but I actually made it through the entire class!  My cardio was up and my legs were feeling it but it was awesome! I was so energized that I wanted to do more immediately but the one thing that I have learnt these last 9 months is to take these small steps and pace myself just as long as I keep motivated to move forward!

Nice to be on the mats for another class!

Year of the Rabbit!

Yesterday was the banquet for the Year of the Rabbit.  Having the opportunity to stop in to see everyone at noon was amazing.  It has been a long time and I sure miss everyone.  I could have just hugged you all! Watching the demo live brought new perspectives. One part of me was sad that I was not able to participate or attend but that was overshadowed by the excitement and wonder of the candidates and the team.  Everyone did an awesome job and I was so happy to be able to watch the ceremony virtually.  

Congratulations to Sifu Dennis on her 6th degree, to the blackbelt candidates, and all those who were presented awards.  You had an amazing year!

To the IHC team - you all were fantastic.  For many of you, this was your first year performing in front of an audience but made it look like you are old pros.  

I am excited to see what this year brings!  Go Rabbits!

The Power of Blogging

Today was my first class on my second round of the ACE (Alberta Cancer Exercises) program.  I was able to do 30 seconds of full jumping jacks before moving down to a modified form.  I could look at this as I was only able to do 30 seconds of jumping jacks but by blogging my progression in the last 8 months, I could see how this was a positive step forward, small as it might be.  

Most of my documentation and blogging of my journey has not been on the IHC forum.  I have documented on my personal blog and journal and these are still a powerful tool.  Here are some of the steps and milestones over these months that show how 30 seconds can be a real positive step forward.  

April 26 - Entered the Foothills hospital to start treatment.  

May and June consisted of trips around the hospital pushed in a wheelchair.  I could only do some of the Tai Chi warm up exercises. There was even one instance when I had to get down on the floor for my slipper which was under my bed and I became stuck.  There was no way that I could get off the floor using my leg muscles and my arm muscles were just as useless.  In my mind, I still recall the image of a stuck seal trying to get up on a rock.  I am sure that is exactly what I looked like trying to get back into my bed. At least we can laugh at it now. 

July - I slowly transitioned to a walker which was my main form of assistance.  I had to move to my hands and knees to get up off the ground.  I needed help to climb up two small stairs to our friends deck. 

Aug - I turned in my wheelchair and walker just before heading home to Stony.  Once I was home, I could barely go up and down the stairs but I could start to get out of the tub easier. I was able to do more and more in my Tai Chi classes.

Sept - Started the first round of the ACE program.  Most of my exercises were from a chair but slowly I was able to do harder and harder exercises. Started to participate in the entire Tai Chi classes.

Oct - I had a hard time lifting my feet so would stumble when walking.  Could not do any of the jumping exercises.  Able to walk up and down the stairs at home easier, even carrying a laundry basket.  These were the months of weight gain from the medications so that brought on another set of challenges. I finally had my central line removed.

Nov - Mike and I went to Canmore and I walked to the bakery.  3 km round trip.  Legs burning but I did it (and what a reward at the end). Attended Tai Chi classes regularly.

Dec - Completed the ACE program and did the post assessment.  Was able to see improvements in all areas but needed a reality check.  I was expecting to do better and my ego was comparing me to others, comparing me to my former self.  I mean it had been 7 months so I should be better by now, correct?  This was a tough month mentally which slowed my physical progression.  

Jan - Started the year at Canmore.  Able to get some beautiful walks around Lake Louise, Banff, and Canmore area.  Yesterday I was able to do 175 wall pushups and modified situps. Today I started my ACE exercises using the weight and difficulty from last session and for the first time, I was able to lift my feet and do 30 seconds of jumping jacks.  

By documenting my journey, it shows how 30 seconds is a positive step forward and how I can look back at this later to remind me how far I have come.