Walking the Fine Line

My recovery has come a long way and now I am in the difficult section where my progression is not immediately apparent even though I continue to work hard. This resulted in doing actions that could have had a serious negative impact but luckily they were only minor.

I was participating in my ACE (cancer exercise) program and I was feeling pretty great so I pushed myself hard.  Isn't that what we are supposed to do, push ourselves hard, going beyond our limits?  This is the fine line that we all walk because I ended up pushing too hard causing myself to get sick after class and then I was very sore for the next couple of days.  At first my ego went "you must have been a slacker because you should have been feeling this sore sooner" and then my brain was "are you really this stupid? Is this working out soreness or have I activated my GVHd and it's affecting my joints".  Luckily it was just working out soreness.

The next ACE class I was the only one home, so I had to push that ego aside and dial back my exercise, not to the extent that I was going through the motions but just to the point that I was pushing myself just to that fine line.

Each of us has a line that we push beyond to expand our training but when you are recovering from injuries that line is not only lower than previous but it is also thinner.  It doesn't take much to cross it and during your recovery if you are impatient, it can also set you back.  We must alway be working to find that line and just pushing ourselves slightly over it.  Even healthy, you need to make sure to push past your line but too far too fast or you could cause injuries.

It's like a yo-yo, push yourself and check to see how you feel.  Too much? Retreat a bit, push again. Not enough, push a little harder.  I have to constantly evaluate what my body CAN do, not what it did previously.  That is my currently line.  

The second part of this post is what to do when that line may not be moving even when you're training.  Do I blindly trust that my line will move if I continue to do the same actions?  My answer is "NO".  I learnt through the years of training that there are times when I need an outside opinion so I booked my 1-1 to talk to Sifu Brinker and discuss where I was at.  (I should have booked that sooner, my bad!)  The other was from my girlfriend that let me know during our walk that I was walking faster and farther than previously.  So although I was not seeing any change to my line, I was able to validate that my training is working even if I don't see it.  

I am not sure if I will ever get back to the line I previously had. As long as I keep pushing my current line, I will continue to improve and who knows where that will lead!

Minor setback

This blog is late but I have a few reasons.  It started Sunday night/Monday morning with my first trip to the ER since my transplant (almost 10 months ago) for a fever.  Good news is that is a pretty good streak, bad news is a cold is what caused this.  A minor cold caused a high fever and now the other symptoms are setting in but it always could be worse (it’s not Covid 😊).  Also my UAH ER trip was just over 3 hours and that included X-rays, IV antibiotics, blood draws, swabs, fluids, etc.  I really had great care (had to plug our great medical people out there).

Now it doesn’t take much to shake my emotional state and the last few days I was more tired than normal and that caused some anxiety and self pity.  I know it’s okay to feel these things and to acknowledge them but as someone who likes to look at the positive, it is really hard to blog during the down times.  This is not fair to me or to you.  I need to transparent with the good and the bad so I can be true to myself.  

Once I acknowledged my current feelings and lack of activity, I needed to make a plan to move forward smartly. I wanted to do my own exercise program today but Mike just raised his eyebrow as any exertion would cause coughing and a runny nose.  Sometimes it’s the outside advice that helps us make those smarter decisions.  So I made a small checklist of a few doable things and slowly worked on those.

Can this relate to Kung Fu and your journey? Absolutely.  There will always be something that will take that great streak you have (or a not so great one) and send it sideways.  It will be your attitude that makes you elevate and allow you to jump back in the wagon.   But you need to be recognize the negative feelings that occur when you fall off.  Recognize and accept them but do not let them rule you, get help if needed.  It’s the same concept when your mind wanders during meditation, recognize and accept it and move on.  As long as we are moving forward we are making progress.