Breakathon 2023

This week was our breakathon. I didn’t even consider competing until my 1-1 with Sifu Brinker the day prior.  He talked about ways I could try while not risking injury.  Thoughts whirled around my head and I still wasn’t sure what I was going to do.  Once I got to class I was more than willing to try, I was excited.  I did my 10 breaks, I even held a couple of boards for others all in a safe environment.  I didn’t realize how much fear I had until I overcame it with the help around me.  

Don’t get me wrong, I have a lot of work to do but still can’t wait till next year!

Finally!

Yesterday was my first in person class in almost 2 years and it was amazing!  It was nice being there and feeding off of everyones energy.  

I worked on a couple of forms.  I was surprised how much I remembered but also how much I forgot.  When I let muscle memory lead me, I could get through large sections but as soon as I tried to “think” about it, I would loose everything.  It reminded me that although I have chemo brain holes, the drugs can’t take away my foundation.  

This week I was finally weaned off of my prednisone (hoping it will stay that way).  The side effects is muscle aches and pains, joint swelling and fatigue but the best thing I can do is exercise.  Being in person makes exercising so much easier.  Can’t wait to continue to increase my in person presence (and down to one immunosuppressant 🎉).

See you on the mats!

My Ego

 I always thought I didn’t have an ego but when I really start evaluating myself, I had a bigger ego than I cared to admit.   This year stripped my ego bare and laid it out. Feelings about where I am and where I could be only if. ..

Only if I didn’t get sick

Only if I didn’t have complications 

Only if I was able to attend classes in person

Only if I was more present 

Only if I was more consistent 

Only if I recorded my numbers better

Only if I blogged more

My ego is creating doubt about joining next years IHC.  

What have I contributed to the team this year?  How could I regress so far?  My muscles have seized and my mind has gaps.  My body aches and my my knees are once again screaming at me.  I am feeling VERY old.

I know movement will help with the muscles, both strength and flexibility.  I know repetitions will help with the brain gaps.I say that I am okay with where I am but that is not true.  The “only if” questions is my ego is stopping me from accepting my current reality. I cannot just tell my ego to STOP IT!  My first step is to acknowledge it and then my ego needs to be trained, just as my body and brain does. Only then will I be successful.  This is why I will be joining IHC again.  It is my guidebook to training my ego, my brain, and my body.  One step at a time.