Forms, Forms and more Forms

This week we presented our beta forms.  I am so thrilled to see everyone's performances either virtually or in person.  I have been working on the Tai Chi Cane form for the last two years but this is the first time that I feel like I have traction. I love when the Tai Chi hand forms integrate into the cane form (brush knee, white stork cools its wings, single whip, etc) but I really just enjoy being able to concentrate on shifting weight, moving foot positions and transitioning to the next move.  

My beta form was only about 1/4 of the form.  The way I learn best is to take sections and really learn them.  Again focusing on intent, flow, and then I move to memorization.  If I can visualize the intent from move to move it is easier to memorize and to keep the flow.

I was very happy with my hand form.  Just being able to complete it in its entirety although when I watched others, I noticed a move that I totally missed out on.  My cardio is getting better with every form and I am working on lowering those horse stances and cat stances.  Little steps but with mindful intention it will continue to improve.  My next form that I am working on again is Da Mu Hsing but I have two forms back so the others will come.  

This week I was doing 3 full days at work and that was tiring but the more that I am getting into routines, the more I am getting done.  My foot pain has been decreasing as I have been working on stretching for plantar fasciitis.  I think the biggest advantage I have through all of this is being able to recognize the little steps forward and celebrate those successes.

Numbers

Pushups (equivalent) - 455

Sit-ups (equivalent) - 400

Kilometers - 116

Weapons form - 45

Hand form - 46

Sparring - 5

AOK - 177

Piano - 0/50

Tai Chi - 6.5/50

Yoga - 4/50

Meditation - 3/50

Why am I in Kung Fu?

When I first joined Kung Fu it was to get exercise and participate in an activity that my children were doing.  As the years progressed it was to learn to be a better person both on and off the mats.  The I Ho Chuan was a way to get more out of my training and weapons training added excitement and something new.

Why am I still in Kung Fu?  Even though I do not have the physical endurance before my transplant, I have developed in different ways.  I have felt transfer of power between moves, going slower has helped me fine tune techniques, and Tai Chi has helped me continue to build strength.  I could not imagine these last two years without Kung Fu.  It has helped me accept the person I am today and that is a tremendous achievement.  Acceptance is hard when you are drastically not the person you use to be.  It is easy to keep your thoughts in the past and get discouraged about your current reality.  Kung Fu has not only helped me with acceptance, it has given me the determination to improve on that person both physically and spiritually.  And that is why I stay in Kung Fu and the I Ho Chuan. 

Turbulent Emotions

These last two weeks have taken a toll on me.  My feelings are like a turbulent ocean in a hurricane.  Tears well up for no reason or from a story that I hear on the news.  Everything is raw and exposed.  Mortality raises up and I realize I have not made peace with it.  Worry overwhelms so I end up wanting to be numb so there is no pain.  

There is nothing drastic happening in my life, just a cumulation of events.  Almost 3 full days of work, worrying where I fit in and what value can I bring.  At home, sickness runs through the family and I’m the last one standing.  I should be happy that I’ve dodged it so far but I just worry when will it be me. I can’t imagine having to feel like this every day.  I know I’m not alone but I am happy knowing I have my psychologist appointment coming up.  

Through this time I’ve seen progression and that help lift my spirits.  For the first time in a long time, I was able to get off the floor from a low squat.  The last two days I’ve been able to walk down the stairs normally a couple of times a day.  I filled out a form for my two year post transplant and realized how far I’ve come in a year.  At work, my brains been working better than I expected.  Just little things but I will take the little things and continue to grow.