Lau Gar and chemo brain

Today was my first on video black belt class in 9 months.  I’ve been monitoring the class and working with the video off so I was very nervous.  I almost talked myself into “one more class” of video off. 

Why was I so nervous?  Chemo brain is a real thing. My forms (and most other things) take so much more thought process than before.  So I start to think “What if I don’t know them, will I look silly?”  All the ego self doubt talk that we all do at one time or another. I was about to use it as an excuse but figured I will do what I can.  I know I’m not being judged so why was I letting my ego dictate this.

I had Mike help me with Lau Gar before class.  I remembered more than I thought but I did have some issues with transitions.  When I did my class, I went at my speed and focused on trying to maintain grounding. My balance and stances were shaky but I actually made it through the entire class!  My cardio was up and my legs were feeling it but it was awesome! I was so energized that I wanted to do more immediately but the one thing that I have learnt these last 9 months is to take these small steps and pace myself just as long as I keep motivated to move forward!

Nice to be on the mats for another class!

Year of the Rabbit!

Yesterday was the banquet for the Year of the Rabbit.  Having the opportunity to stop in to see everyone at noon was amazing.  It has been a long time and I sure miss everyone.  I could have just hugged you all! Watching the demo live brought new perspectives. One part of me was sad that I was not able to participate or attend but that was overshadowed by the excitement and wonder of the candidates and the team.  Everyone did an awesome job and I was so happy to be able to watch the ceremony virtually.  

Congratulations to Sifu Dennis on her 6th degree, to the blackbelt candidates, and all those who were presented awards.  You had an amazing year!

To the IHC team - you all were fantastic.  For many of you, this was your first year performing in front of an audience but made it look like you are old pros.  

I am excited to see what this year brings!  Go Rabbits!

The Power of Blogging

Today was my first class on my second round of the ACE (Alberta Cancer Exercises) program.  I was able to do 30 seconds of full jumping jacks before moving down to a modified form.  I could look at this as I was only able to do 30 seconds of jumping jacks but by blogging my progression in the last 8 months, I could see how this was a positive step forward, small as it might be.  

Most of my documentation and blogging of my journey has not been on the IHC forum.  I have documented on my personal blog and journal and these are still a powerful tool.  Here are some of the steps and milestones over these months that show how 30 seconds can be a real positive step forward.  

April 26 - Entered the Foothills hospital to start treatment.  

May and June consisted of trips around the hospital pushed in a wheelchair.  I could only do some of the Tai Chi warm up exercises. There was even one instance when I had to get down on the floor for my slipper which was under my bed and I became stuck.  There was no way that I could get off the floor using my leg muscles and my arm muscles were just as useless.  In my mind, I still recall the image of a stuck seal trying to get up on a rock.  I am sure that is exactly what I looked like trying to get back into my bed. At least we can laugh at it now. 

July - I slowly transitioned to a walker which was my main form of assistance.  I had to move to my hands and knees to get up off the ground.  I needed help to climb up two small stairs to our friends deck. 

Aug - I turned in my wheelchair and walker just before heading home to Stony.  Once I was home, I could barely go up and down the stairs but I could start to get out of the tub easier. I was able to do more and more in my Tai Chi classes.

Sept - Started the first round of the ACE program.  Most of my exercises were from a chair but slowly I was able to do harder and harder exercises. Started to participate in the entire Tai Chi classes.

Oct - I had a hard time lifting my feet so would stumble when walking.  Could not do any of the jumping exercises.  Able to walk up and down the stairs at home easier, even carrying a laundry basket.  These were the months of weight gain from the medications so that brought on another set of challenges. I finally had my central line removed.

Nov - Mike and I went to Canmore and I walked to the bakery.  3 km round trip.  Legs burning but I did it (and what a reward at the end). Attended Tai Chi classes regularly.

Dec - Completed the ACE program and did the post assessment.  Was able to see improvements in all areas but needed a reality check.  I was expecting to do better and my ego was comparing me to others, comparing me to my former self.  I mean it had been 7 months so I should be better by now, correct?  This was a tough month mentally which slowed my physical progression.  

Jan - Started the year at Canmore.  Able to get some beautiful walks around Lake Louise, Banff, and Canmore area.  Yesterday I was able to do 175 wall pushups and modified situps. Today I started my ACE exercises using the weight and difficulty from last session and for the first time, I was able to lift my feet and do 30 seconds of jumping jacks.  

By documenting my journey, it shows how 30 seconds is a positive step forward and how I can look back at this later to remind me how far I have come.  

The power of paying it forward!

 While I was in the Foothills Hospital, I received a card from another patient.  It was a homemade card that just wished me the best from one patient to another and that little gesture had a big impact.  It started the process on how could I give to other patients while doing something with the beautiful cranes you all sent me. Mike, Joanne (my friend) and I made packages containing 20 cranes with the following note:

I dropped off 40 bags to the nursing unit just prior to heading back to Edmonton.  It crossed my mind a few times wondering if they were able to be distributed and if they had any impact on someone else.  Then our Calgary social worker had sent an email to Mike and I with the following:

Wanted to send you a quick note to let you know I was just in with a patient that has your paper cranes hanging in her room. She expressed deep appreciation for them and is now thinking of ways she can ‘pay it forward.’ A friend knit her small hearts (they fit in the palm of your hand) for her admission and she is thinking that is something she could potentially provide for future patients.

Please know that your donation is having a beautiful impact.

I am so grateful that we were able to receive this email as it emphasized how acts of kindness have impacts even if you do not immediately see the outcome.  It really is a ripple effect that spreads rapidly and touches many.  This ripple effect could not have started without you and I appreciate being a part of it.

I am a Warrior

 A warrior never gives up

A warrior sees a problem, evaluates it and addresses it head on

A warrior will see the good in all challenges

A warrior will fight with everything they have

A warrior will fight for others harder then for themselves

A warrior will not accept defeat

A warrior is strong in mind, body and soul

A warrior embraces love, kindness, and peace

A warrior relishes happiness and joy

A warrior asks for assistance when needed

Through good and bad, a warrior will continue moving forward

I am a warrior!

I Am in Training

 

Have you ever watched video clips of people trying to get out of the oversized chairs or couches.  They flop around trying to get leverage against gravity.  I had a similar experience lately and the only thing different was thankfully no one was there with a camera.  It all started with me needing to get my shoe from under the bed.  Getting down was the easy part.  Now all I needed was to put my leg under me and get up.  The thing is, the steroids that I am on deteriorate the large muscle groups (quads, gluts, back, etc). When my doctor told me this I thought I knew what he meant.  NOPE!  As I was on the ground, I did not have any quad or glut strength to get me back up onto my bed.  NONE!  I could feel those muscles trying to fire but nothing.  Little to say it was a lot like the video before I was able to get up.  I kept thinking I'm going to need to call the nurse and say "I've fallen and I can't get up".  

You might wonder how I would even consider myself in training mode if I can't do basic activities.  Well this is the best time.  I have physio exercises to help keep the smaller muscle groups going and a few to keep the larger muscles from deteriorating faster than they are.  I look over at my 4 wheeled walker and my stepping block and think "wow, never imagined that these would be in my future".  I could have rejected these aids but I find with the walker, I have more confidence of not slipping so I can focus on keeping my centre low and using proper technique with each step.  My wall pushups and my step ups are all being recorded and counted.  I am also working on bridges, clam shells, leg lifts.  My right quad still remains the weaker and it is very noticeable now but that just gives me a better focus point.

The big difference between my exercises that I do today and the ones I was doing 8 months ago is my stopping point.  Because of low platelets, I cannot push myself past tiredness.  I have to recognize these limitations and listen to my body but I am still in training.  Only if I give up will training stop.  

Haven't posted numbers since April.  I can say all have increased, yes slowly but increased at least.  Small wins and I count those small wins everyday as well. 

S/U - 2,844
P/U - 2,820
18Temple - 46/1000
Cane - 130/1000
Sparring 50/1000
KM - 100/1609

AOK - 1385/1000 
Meditation - 14h 35 min/ 50 hours
Tai Ch/Yoga - 17h 22 min/50 hours
Learn a new language (Spanish) - 2 hours

Attitude and AOKs

I can’t describe the level of care that I am receiving here at the foothills hospital. The nurses are phenomenal and always smiling. Many times over this last week, they have referred to me as one of their best patients [I’m sure they say that to everyone] but they said it’s my attitude and humour that makes a difference. The funny thing is I can’t imagine anyone who would have a different attitude. You take the good with the bad, you laugh over the stuff that’s embarrassing but mostly it’s just being kind.  I know my housekeeping staffs name as well as the other support staff and love chatting with them.  

Yesterday I had a nurse for the first time who also was doing her last shift as she was moving to Saskatoon. We chatted about what she was leaving and what she was moving to and shed some tears on these reflections. What really struck home for me was just how being kind and actually caring about those around you makes such a difference. 

The reason I find it funny that staff keep telling me how happy they are to have me as a patient, I couldn’t imagine anyone from my friend group, from kung fu, from my family that would behave any differently.  Being compassionate is who we are at a foundational level and I believe it’s all due to being mindful of our Acts of Kindness.  

(This journey sure helped my AOKs - over 1000 and climbing).