Reverse AOK

I like to think of myself as a kind person but these last few weeks have brought a few things to light that I am not very proud of.  I wanted to take a different spin on our Acts of Kindness so I have been trying to recognize when I am NOT doing something nice and then ask WHY?

I really noticed that I was the least considerate when I was in a hurry.  I became very self-absorbed and really self-centered.  It was even worse when I was driving.  This really scares me, because I am sure that these feelings must also be in many of the vehicles around me during the morning and afternoon commute.

Here were a few specific examples of what occurred:
- I did not let people in when I normally would have and boy was I surprised at my excuses I made to myself to justify these actions. Why do they need to change lanes now, they should have done it sooner.  They are driving slow, I don't want to be behind them.  They can get in after me.
- I became judgmental of people around me and it changed the way I looked at events.  Seeing an old or homeless pedestrian starting to cross the road when the hand light started to flash had me focusing on how this was going to affect me They are never going to get across, why couldn't they wait instead of on them Do those other cars see him, will they stop?
- I ignored people around me.  I would run from one place to another, not really noticing if someone else was coming in the door behind me where I would have normally stopped to hold it.  I did not smile or make eye contact at the people around me.

Although am quite embarrassed about admitting these thoughts (and there were others that are not listed here), I am also okay with it.  As I recognize the WHYs when I am not being the person I want to be, only then I can change my triggers and the fundamental way that I think and I hope this will make be a truly kinder person in the long run.