The power of paying it forward!

 While I was in the Foothills Hospital, I received a card from another patient.  It was a homemade card that just wished me the best from one patient to another and that little gesture had a big impact.  It started the process on how could I give to other patients while doing something with the beautiful cranes you all sent me. Mike, Joanne (my friend) and I made packages containing 20 cranes with the following note:

I dropped off 40 bags to the nursing unit just prior to heading back to Edmonton.  It crossed my mind a few times wondering if they were able to be distributed and if they had any impact on someone else.  Then our Calgary social worker had sent an email to Mike and I with the following:

Wanted to send you a quick note to let you know I was just in with a patient that has your paper cranes hanging in her room. She expressed deep appreciation for them and is now thinking of ways she can ‘pay it forward.’ A friend knit her small hearts (they fit in the palm of your hand) for her admission and she is thinking that is something she could potentially provide for future patients.

Please know that your donation is having a beautiful impact.

I am so grateful that we were able to receive this email as it emphasized how acts of kindness have impacts even if you do not immediately see the outcome.  It really is a ripple effect that spreads rapidly and touches many.  This ripple effect could not have started without you and I appreciate being a part of it.

I am a Warrior

 A warrior never gives up

A warrior sees a problem, evaluates it and addresses it head on

A warrior will see the good in all challenges

A warrior will fight with everything they have

A warrior will fight for others harder then for themselves

A warrior will not accept defeat

A warrior is strong in mind, body and soul

A warrior embraces love, kindness, and peace

A warrior relishes happiness and joy

A warrior asks for assistance when needed

Through good and bad, a warrior will continue moving forward

I am a warrior!

I Am in Training

 

Have you ever watched video clips of people trying to get out of the oversized chairs or couches.  They flop around trying to get leverage against gravity.  I had a similar experience lately and the only thing different was thankfully no one was there with a camera.  It all started with me needing to get my shoe from under the bed.  Getting down was the easy part.  Now all I needed was to put my leg under me and get up.  The thing is, the steroids that I am on deteriorate the large muscle groups (quads, gluts, back, etc). When my doctor told me this I thought I knew what he meant.  NOPE!  As I was on the ground, I did not have any quad or glut strength to get me back up onto my bed.  NONE!  I could feel those muscles trying to fire but nothing.  Little to say it was a lot like the video before I was able to get up.  I kept thinking I'm going to need to call the nurse and say "I've fallen and I can't get up".  

You might wonder how I would even consider myself in training mode if I can't do basic activities.  Well this is the best time.  I have physio exercises to help keep the smaller muscle groups going and a few to keep the larger muscles from deteriorating faster than they are.  I look over at my 4 wheeled walker and my stepping block and think "wow, never imagined that these would be in my future".  I could have rejected these aids but I find with the walker, I have more confidence of not slipping so I can focus on keeping my centre low and using proper technique with each step.  My wall pushups and my step ups are all being recorded and counted.  I am also working on bridges, clam shells, leg lifts.  My right quad still remains the weaker and it is very noticeable now but that just gives me a better focus point.

The big difference between my exercises that I do today and the ones I was doing 8 months ago is my stopping point.  Because of low platelets, I cannot push myself past tiredness.  I have to recognize these limitations and listen to my body but I am still in training.  Only if I give up will training stop.  

Haven't posted numbers since April.  I can say all have increased, yes slowly but increased at least.  Small wins and I count those small wins everyday as well. 

S/U - 2,844
P/U - 2,820
18Temple - 46/1000
Cane - 130/1000
Sparring 50/1000
KM - 100/1609

AOK - 1385/1000 
Meditation - 14h 35 min/ 50 hours
Tai Ch/Yoga - 17h 22 min/50 hours
Learn a new language (Spanish) - 2 hours

Attitude and AOKs

I can’t describe the level of care that I am receiving here at the foothills hospital. The nurses are phenomenal and always smiling. Many times over this last week, they have referred to me as one of their best patients [I’m sure they say that to everyone] but they said it’s my attitude and humour that makes a difference. The funny thing is I can’t imagine anyone who would have a different attitude. You take the good with the bad, you laugh over the stuff that’s embarrassing but mostly it’s just being kind.  I know my housekeeping staffs name as well as the other support staff and love chatting with them.  

Yesterday I had a nurse for the first time who also was doing her last shift as she was moving to Saskatoon. We chatted about what she was leaving and what she was moving to and shed some tears on these reflections. What really struck home for me was just how being kind and actually caring about those around you makes such a difference. 

The reason I find it funny that staff keep telling me how happy they are to have me as a patient, I couldn’t imagine anyone from my friend group, from kung fu, from my family that would behave any differently.  Being compassionate is who we are at a foundational level and I believe it’s all due to being mindful of our Acts of Kindness.  

(This journey sure helped my AOKs - over 1000 and climbing).

Tiger Challenge - Lost Opportunity?

 

The Tiger Challenge is fast approaching, have you signed up?  

Our family has been in Kung Fu for 11 years and have participated in the Tiger Challenge for most, if not all, of them.   

I still remember the combination of feelings taking my children to their first Tiger Challenge.  Watching the black belts perform and being amazed with their performances, especially the pool noodle fights and the obstacle courses 😉. When I competed, I was always nervous, excited and anxious. Did I do well?  Sometimes, but sometimes I messed up so bad that all I can do is laugh at myself.  Although, at the end of each tournament not matter how we did, my children and I gained confidence in performing publicly and in our Kung Fu.   

This year Mike and I will not be able to partake as I will be in Calgary in the thick of treatments.  Not only am I missing out in competing, I will miss volunteering the most.  The energy of the children is contagious and that is the one contagion I would like to receive 🤣.  Watching my fellow training partners grow and develop keeps me inspired throughout the year.  We never know when opportunities are lost, so grab them as they become available.  If I knew last year that I wasn't going to be able to do the Tiger Challenge this year, I would have signed up for every one of the categories.

Participating in the Tiger Challenge will change your Kung Fu in ways you never imagined.  It pushes you past your comfort zones in a friendly environment.  When you sign up, it gives you a goal and gives you the tools to get there.  Don't lose out on this opportunity!

Does Gratitude Equal Happiness?

I always considered myself a happy person.  Today during meditation, I realized that by trying to be always happy, I am suppressing emotions that are not in alignment to happiness.  Without allowing these other emotions (anger, sadness, hurt, sorrow) to be acknowledged I am actually decreasing my happiness.  By protecting yourself from the negative emotions and experiences, I have decreased my ability to feel higher levels of excitement or happiness.  

So today my focus was on gratitude.  Being grateful for the what I have around me.  For the experiences that I have had, good and bad.  Gratitude does not mean suppressing negative emotions but it helps remove the power the negative emotion has on my wellbeing.  

We should always push our limits.  In training, we are constantly pushing our bodies but we should also ensure that we are pushing our limits emotionally and growing as a person no matter our age.  Isn't that what our AOKs, mending relationships, and personal requirements are all about in IHC?  

Gratitude does not alway equal happiness but gratitude will allow for happiness to grow while growing me as a person.  What are you grateful for today?

Struggling

This is probably the hardest post to date that I write but it is also the most important one needing to be written.  I have been struggling these last few weeks and its been easier to withdraw than to talk about it.  I knew it was happening because I missed a couple of blogs and a couple of weeks of posting my numbers.  

Two things have contributed to this withdrawl. A couple of weeks ago, I strained my knee so even walking has been an issue.  The second was the delays for my treatment dates, things totally out of my control.  Okay, if I am honest there is also a third item that is the biggest, the blogging of my numbers.  The first two items have caused my engagement to be lacking which is a direct relation to my numbers.  As my numbers slipped, my engagement dropped resulting in a further drop in my numbers and continued drop in engagement.  I kept thinking I would put in a few reps, increase my numbers and then blog but no numbers were good enough.  I was not happy with the work that I was doing. It was a spiralling effect that would to continue to pull me down.  It impacted all aspects of my life.  I knew I needed to do something so I booked my 1-1 with Sifu Brinker.  Sifu Brinker reminded me that we need to be grateful for the things that we have done instead of only worrying about the things that we have not done.  Somehow I had let guilt slip back into Kung Fu which impacted my engagement.  

This is not the first time that I have struggled nor will it be the last.  Previous struggles have lasted longer with more impact, the difference this time is that I used Kung Fu as my temperature check.  When it was slipping so was everything else in my world.  By being aware I was able to recognize this and take action sooner.  I needed help so I booked my 1-1 and made sure I was attending classes.  So although these numbers are not good, here they are.  Accountability to myself and to the team.  

Week 6, 7, 8 and almost 9 Numbers

SU/PU - 2,700 /50,000
18Temple - 45/1000
Cane - 108/1000
Sparring 37/1000
KM - 74/1609
AOK - 185/1000 
Meditation - 8h 35 min/ 50 hours
Tai Ch/Yoga - 7h 22 min/50 hours
Learn a new language (Spanish) - WIP

Roadblocks or Detours and Week 5 numbers

Last week was spent in Calgary for more appointments and procedures.  I needed another bone marrow and I was dreading it as the last one put me out of commission for over a month.  This one was so much better, and I am almost back to normal.  Everything was going to plan until late Friday when I was advised that there is a delay in my transplant.  Not sure exactly what this means and should find out more this week.  Initially I was upset, when things change that are different than what you are expecting there are many feelings to process.  Anger, frustration, acceptance, and eventually you need to moving forward otherwise you are giving up.  After moving through anger and frustration, I  started to think and feel for my donor.  It was not that they did not want to donate, something has come up that at this time they can't.  This must be very hard on them as well, so I am sending out my thoughts to them, wishing that I could do more.  Please do not think that I am this upbeat positive person because these last few days were definitely not that.  I needed to process the information, I needed to acknowledge my feelings of anger and hurt and sadness and being scared.  I do not know what a delay means but I can't worry about that because it is not in my control.  Many would call this a roadblock but a roadblock means that you are stopped, stuck where you are.  I like to think of this as a detour, a change in the path that was initially determined.  Eventually I will get back to the same track but it will just take me a bit to get there.  

So how is this related to training?  Injuries can change things in a heart beat.  Family items can come up unexpectedly. Heath conditions can impact how you preform.  All of these items can create a roadblock or a detour.  It is up to each person to decide how they will approach it.  My last bone marrow was a huge detour to my training as I dealt with hip pain and modifications to my training but eventually it got better, I am still recovering from that detour but I am moving forward.  There are things that you can control and things that you can't.  I can only worry about the things that I can control, in my training, in my life.  I must be honest with myself about my feelings and about my progress.  I can honestly say that my progress this week was very slow, definitely not something to celebrate.  I knew the numbers would be low because of the appointments and procedures but they could be higher than what they are.  There were lost opportunities that I let slip by so I need to dust myself off and get back up and start again.  Isn't that what every day is about?  Starting fresh!  

Week 5 Numbers

SU/PU - 2,550 /50,000
18Temple - 25/1000
Cane - 55/1000
Sparring 37/1000
KM - 52/1609
AOK - 147/1000 
Meditation - 5h 30 min/ 50 hours
Tai Ch/Yoga - 3.5/50 hours
Learn a new language (Spanish) - Researching apps.  Looked at Mango Language.  Anyone have recommendations?

**I also recorded two acts of jerkiness during these days.  Boy did those bug me.  It really felt that all the acts of kindness were nullified by these two acts of jerkiness (I am sure there were many more not recorded).  It has made me aware how powerful acts of jerkiness are. 

The power of routine and Week 4 numbers.

We all have crazy days, crazy weeks, crazy months, heck where did 2021 go?  The one thing that can bring normalcy and structure to those crazy moments is routine.  Even if it is only a few minutes here and there.  

This last week started my pre-appointments before my bone marrow transplant.  Even though there was nothing invasive they were tiring and I ended up having naps when I came home.  One of the routines I could keep up during those days were my Acts of Kindness.  Being mindful of the people I was interacting with, trying to be extra kind to them, look them in the eye.  This allowed me to meet "Sue" who is also going for a bone marrow transplant and hers starts exactly one week before mine (different reason but still same process).  We exchanged numbers and just chatted about what we are going through.

Another routine that I utilized was Qi Gong training that Sifu Beckett has been helping me with.  So I was no longer laying and getting a scan, I was focusing on "trying" to feel energy flow.  I say trying because most times its just out of reach but its coming more and more as I train.  This training has also improved my sleeping immensely as I also have been practicing it before bed.  It is a sleep Qi Gong so it shouldn't be surprising that it is working but it still amazes me. 

I've been also been focusing on being mindful of my small routines that I use to rush through.  Things like my nightly routine of oral hygiene,  cleaning the kitchen, and doing my PU/SUs.  It is easy to let your mind wander in those moments and just do the task.  By being in the moment, it allows for these minutes to stick, they do not slip away.  

But the most powerful routine was being able to get in physical training yesterday.  It was mainly my sit ups and push ups and at the time it just felt nice to be doing them but today I felt energized.  Ready to do more. 

We all have routines and being mindful of them, even the most mundane actions, will keep you in the moment and ground you.  That itself reduces the crazy around you.   

Week 4 Numbers

SU/PU - 2,350 /50,000
18Temple - 15/1000
Cane - 46/1000
Sparring 32/1000
KM - 35/1609
AOK - 125/1000
Meditation - 4h 50 min/ 50 hours
Tai Chi - 3/50 hours
Learn a new language - Still haven't started 

There are areas that I need to pay more attention to but by publicly blogging my numbers it makes me constantly aware of my progress.  It's a very powerful tool.

Setbacks and moving forward!

Every two years I need to go for a scope.  This is needed to dilate a previous surgical site so it doesn't constrict and cause issues.  My next scope was due in November but as I should not be doing these types of procedures after my stem cell transplant, I was able to get it done last week.  I am trying to be proactive with all the items that I am able to.  I knew that all procedures come with risk but the benefits outweigh the risks.  I've been through this at least 10 times. Well, immediately after my scope there was a minor issue but this minor issue could have had huge impacts.  I started doubting if I should have been proactive, if I caused issues that would impact my transplant, was I causing a major setback.  I started doubting myself!  Luckily I had the support to help me reset and realize that this was only temporary. 

There are always times when you need to take risks, when the benefits outweigh those risks but there will be setbacks along the way.  Setbacks that will have you doubt yourself, setbacks make you wonder if you have made the right choices.  But without taking risks, you are not moving forward.  You cannot be proactive by just waiting around.  You need to take risks to move forward and be prepared for a setback here and there, otherwise it wouldn't be a risk.  Setbacks slow your progress but you are still moving forward as long as you don't give up.  So are they really setbacks if you continue to move forward?  

Numbers for the Week of Feb 13.  
Although my training will be different this year it will still be a progression forward although slower than before.  Already appointments and procedures are impacting some numbers but others are excelling. 

  

SU/PU - 2,000/50,000
18Temple - 12/1000
Cane - 26/1000
Sparring 22/1000
KM - 26/1609
AOK - 82/1000
Meditation - 3h 20 min/ 50 hours
Tai Chi - 3/50 hours
Learn a new language - Haven't started 

Controlling your stressors and Week 2 numbers!

Time continues to move and there is nothing that can be done to stop it.  But instead of watching time slip by you can take control of the time that you have.  That has been my focus this week.  I am trying to wrap up things at work, my appointments are starting to begin.  I am working on identifying stressors, then determining if there is something that can be done about it.  Putting my effort into controlling the things that I have the ability to control.  I don't know when this changed, I use to worry about so many things that I had no control over.  I find that I am in a quieter state of mind now that I let that go.  

This is the same approach with training, if something is stressing you find the root cause.  Then put actions in place to reduce that stress.  Take control of the things that you can control.  My numbers are stressing me a bit right now so I had to sit and think why.  There is a direct correlation to my sleep.  I am staying up too late and then I am tired in the morning so I'm not doing my morning workouts.  If I don't work out in the morning I feel like I am always behind on my numbers and that adds more stress.  These are the types of things I have control over so this is going to be a quick blog and I am heading to bed so I can do my morning workout.

SU/PU - 1,700/50,000

18 Temple Motions - 12/1000

Cane - 21/1000 

Sparring- 7/1000

KM - =19/1609

AOKs - 50/1000

Meditation - 1/50

Tai Chi/Yoga - 2/50

Black belt speech - Feb 5th Year of the Tiger

 What Kung Fu Has Done For Me!  

By Jackie Kohut

Many years ago, we were looking for something that would assist our children with self confidence and personal growth.  On a recommendation, we entered Silent River Kung Fu and immediately signed them up.  My husband and I sat on the sidelines for a few years before we decided that was enough.  Why not join our kids on the mats.   I was 43 years old and at that time it never crossed my mind that I would become a black belt, I was in it for exercise and stress relief.  Here is a blog that I wrote when I first joined.  It was May 2013.  

Well, completed the first step.  Signed up for Kung Fu classes.  What have I gotten myself into?   I am excited and scared at the same time.  I am sure everyone can understand the excited part, but why scared? … To simply state it:  Old and out of shape.  Starting something like this in my 40's is pretty crazy.  It was probably self preservation that I did not look at the curriculum before I paid for the first month.  The fitness stripe consists of sit-ups, push-ups, squat thrusts, and kicks.  WAIT ONE MINUTE!  I haven't done a squat thrust (otherwise known as burpees) in 30 years.  What have I gotten myself into?  I should get through the first class at least.  First class is in 5 days.  Should I start working out now just to get started?  Probably but likely won't happen.  Better wish me luck.

Now almost 9  years later, I have found something more than exercise or a stress reliever, I found something that changed my life. I have energy to do activities with my family that I would have missed out on.  From back country hiking, to downhill skiing, to sailing, to mud runs.  Family has always been important and with Kung Fu, we were able to grow stronger and closer both in the kwoon and out. We have trained together as a family as well as individually.  I’ve experienced many opportunities such as going to Alabama and joining in the build-vention, connecting in with other martial artists offering their time to help others.  All these things have helped me grow in ways that I never imagined.   Kung Fu is always challenging me to be a better person.  Reminding me that everyday I need to improve upon who I was yesterday.

I can honestly say that Kung Fu has likely saved my life.  I joined Kung Fu with existing chronic health conditions. Crohns, Thyroid cancer and a blood disease called Polycythemia Vera.  As a parent and as a mother, we tend to put others first and neglect our own health.   In 2016 I joined the I Ho Chuan team for the first time.  The I Ho Chuan Program expands our Kung Fu training and teaches us how to work towards mastery.  It teaches us that to help others, we must take care of ourselves and then we can be a better child, a better parent, a better spouse, and a better friend.  These last few years I made my health a priority. This started as trying to keep my blood work appointments, to mindful eating, meditation and Tai Chi.  This year I have also worked through chronic shoulder and knee injuries.  You might think these were a result of Kung Fu but you would be wrong.  These were a result of aging and being active.  Kung Fu gave me the tools to identify and deal with these injuries so they did not limit me. 

They did not stop me.  Kung Fu has taught me to push past my limits, to give a little bit more each time.

Kung Fu has given me many tools that I use in my daily life at home and at work. It has taught me that small consistent actions are what make progress, to be mindful, to never give up, to embrace each moment, and to take nothing for granted.  Many people have been waiting for the pandemic to end but by being mindful I have learnt to embrace each moment every day. I have not lost two years, but rather I have gained two years of growth, and this is a result of the adaptations that Silent River initiated. By learning to be patient and kind to myself, it removed the guilt that used to be the driver of my actions.  By working on mindfulness, I try to look at my actions to see what the true intent is.  Why am I doing something?  Is it for someone else or for me?  Am I truly present?  This has allowed me to be content even through these trying times.  

But how has Kung Fu saved my life? A couple months ago, I was diagnosed with skin cancer and during that treatment it revealed that my previous blood cancer had progressed and shortly after I was put on the bone marrow transplant list. Previously I would have ignored the little warning signs until it was too late, but by being aware and listening to my body, we were able to catch this early.  During my meeting with the transplant team, they emphasized how patients that are in good shape and who did Tai Chi or yoga have better recoveries. 

So not only has Kung Fu helped with diagnosis, it will be helping me with recovery as well.  Kung Fu has laid a foundation to help me through my transplant journey that will start in March.  It has given me physical and mental strength to carry on through good times and bad.

I hope through my journey others will realize that it is never too late to start getting in shape, it is never too late to start eating healthy and being mindful, it is never too late to join Kung Fu.  Age, injuries or health conditions will not stop you from obtaining a black belt, the only thing that stops you is giving up. 

 

I am so thankful for the series of events that have occured to allow me to be here today. Thank You Sifu Brinker!  You have created a school that holds true to traditional Kung Fu and an environment that has allowed me to thrive and grow. To Sifu Rybak who had to deal with me for the majority of my 1-1 meetings.  Sifu Lindstrom and Sifu Csillag who continued to push me past my comfort levels.  Sifu Denis and Sifu Vantuil who planted the seed of Tai Chi and helped to nourish it.  Sifu Hayes who keeps me grounded and striving for more.  To Sifu Sharida Csillag who joined and encouraged me through many of my personal goals over the years.  From 10K runs (yes, we did it more than once) in Vancouver to the 55K Skyline trail hike in Jasper.  To the Bjorquists who got up every Sunday to work on kicks and especially to Kody who I’ve had the pleasure to join on this journey.  To Ms Ward who partnered with me doing physio exercises throughout the year. To Ms Malinda Ferris, who agreed to be my partner even though she had no idea what she was getting into.  She challenged me, questioned me and let me toss her around over and over and over again.  And finally to my family, without their support I would not be here today.  To Simon and Nate who gave me feedback when I asked but let me find my own way.  To Katie who helped time and record my progress throughout the year (and proof read my speech). And mostly to my husband Mike, who has supported me and helped remove any barriers for my training, It is hard to acknowledge all the individuals who have influenced my journey as every interaction has made an impact so I thank each and every one of you.

Achieving a black belt is only the start of my Kung Fu journey.  Kung Fu is part of my life and I can’t wait to see how it will continue to grow this year, and for years to come. Thank you!

Year of the Tiger Celebration and Week 1 numbers

Sifu Brinker has said that obtaining your black belt is one of the most important days of your life.  Even as I approached the Chinese New Year celebration with excitement and nervousness, I did not fully comprehend this statement.  Today as it sinks in, I've been experiencing immense feelings of gratitude, excitement, appreciation, and accomplishment.  I really don't know where I would be without Kung Fu.  I cannot thank Sifu Brinker and the instructors enough for everything that they have done for me! Yesterday will be engrained in me forever!

It was another excellent virtual banquet.   Everyone looked amazing!  Great job Ox team! Congratulations to everyone who received awards, everyone who was promoted and Sihing Bjorkquist!  I found the promotion speeches very inspirational this year.  They gave a glimpse of the path that is ahead of me and that is driving the excitement today.  Silent River has many black belts that are examples of what type of black belt I want to be. There is so much work ahead of me but I am looking forward to the challenge. 

One of my personal requirements this year was to publicly blog my numbers.  I really enjoyed following the members last year that did this.  I had a slow start but looking forward to what next week brings.

SU/PU - 1,450/50,000

18 Temple Motions -2/1000

Cane - 1/1000 (slow start as I'm trying to figure out what form I will be doing so been doing research)

Sparring- 5/1000

KM - 7.5/1609

AOKs - 31/1000

Meditation - 0.5/50

Tai Chi/Yoga - 1/50

Past Masters

When we bow in and say "past masters" we are giving respect and honour to those before us.  When I say "past masters" I think of those that have passed away and whose knowledge we have lost.  When I look at our altar, I see items that ground me, items that instil feelings of appreciation and reminders of impermanence.  There is importance to each item that is in our Kwoon and I recently began to grasp the significance of our Nafudakake. 

During the Black Belt ceremony there were two black belts that I had never met, Sifu Jason Barrett and Sifu Joseph Smith.  I was honoured that they would take their time to join this ceremony so I wanted to know more about them.  Sifu Brinker told me that Sifu Jason Barrett was one of his original students and is third in our lineage when he earned his 1st degree.  Sifu Joseph Smith is also one of Sifu Brinker's original students who designed the Silent River Kung Fu t-shirts and certificates.  Being a student of Sifu Brinker has linked me to these black belts but I also know that their knowledge has flown to me as well.

Since that ceremony I have been studying our Nafudakake.  There are many people on that wall that have had a huge impact on my Kung Fu journey that are no longer regulars at the Kwoon. I know they are a part of me.  It is the names of those that I do not know that have sparked my curiosity as I realize that they too are a part of me.  Now when I think of "past masters" I am thinking of all those that were before me, not just the ones that have past.  

**If those who have trained with or under Sifu Barrett and Sifu Smith would like to share a story, I would greatly appreciate knowing more about them.

See you on the mats!

Meditation

Meditation is one of my personal requirements for year of the Tiger.  A few weeks ago I joined a meditation group that meets on Sunday mornings.  I was excited thinking that I will be able to learn meditation and see the benefits in my life.  Three weeks later I am feeling discouraged, wondering if I will ever get the hang of meditation.  I am able to sit for the 30 minutes and mostly silence my mind but afterwards I do not feel the benefit.  So what am I doing wrong?  I am not being patient with myself.  I am expecting too much from myself. 

Honestly, I do not really understand mediation. If I do not understand something how can I see the benefits?  I found a website  How to Meditate that I think will also help on my path.  I am also aware that I am not appreciating Tai Chi as meditation.  I remember when I started Tai Chi that my mind would constantly wander.  Now I can stay in the moment for extended times.  

No different then learning a new form, I need to be patient and just do it.  I will be mindful so I am open to the experience.  I need to get the basics down and then start to build upon them.  I need to train and practice daily in order to get better. I need to trust the process.  Maybe then I will gain a full understanding of meditation and the benefits of it.

Qualities of a Blackbelt

What are qualities of a Blackbelt?  No matter what belt level you are at, you should ask yourself this question. It is important to identify the qualities that resinate with you and why.  My previous blog had listed Blackbelt qualities as 1) determination 2) perseverance 3) leadership and caring 4) attention to detail.  These are still qualities that I admire in a Blackbelt but the last has morphed into "eye for detail".  

An eye for detail is the ability to remove your ego and look at things with an outsiders prospective.  An eye for detail is being brutally honest with yourself.  Honest about areas of improvement and then putting a plan in place to rectify.  Honest about your flaws but not accepting them as "good enough".  A blackbelt does not hide nor do they boast about their flaws.  They are always looking to improve upon them.  They know that you never obtain mastery, it is a relentless pursuit towards mastery.

I have reflected on these qualities many times over my Kung Fu journey but I wished I would have journaled about them when I did my reflections.  I have lost the ability to go back and review so I can only rely on my memories and these change over time.  There have been quite a few things that I also missed journalling during this year that documented my journey.  The weekly kicks on Sunday's with the Bjorkquists, the sparring rounds at home with my sons, having Sifu Brinker come in and watch my kicks or my 5 techniques over the Christmas break and the opportunity to get valuable feedback. The 1-1s that I used to help with improving the speed of my kicks, the intensity in my forms, the connection of 6 harmonies as it was not long ago that I had to focus on my returning hand's rotation to connect my left and right.  

The qualities of a Blackbelt are not only important with your Kung Fu training and journey but with anything that you tackle in life.  It is the foundation that allows for the pursuit to mastery in all things.

Full Power/ Full Speed

These last two months as I worked through injuries, it required that I worked on my Kung Fu with different intentions.  I had to slow things down so I focused on engaging my hips with my punches and kicks in my forms.  This showed where I was not committing to a move or where I was using my shoulders.  

Last class I was feeling better and when we did our form with Full Power/ Full Speed I noticed immediately that my mindset was "Full Power means Brute Force".  I could feel my shoulders being pulled up and I was trying to power my way through my punches.  I had stopped thinking about engaging my hips and I broke my 6 harmonies.  Our shoulders and hips must be engaged before our hands and feet can ever be in sync.  

It is a hard concept to embrace that rotation is more powerful than brute strength.  Rotation of the fist, or rotation of the hips.  Now is the time to work on increasing speed and power with my intent being on engaging the hips, connecting the harmonies.  Another example of valuable learning through injuries.

See you on the mats!

Am I in the Best Shape of My Life?

"Am I in the Best Shape of My Life?"  This is a sticker on my home office monitor.  It is my reminder to use extra minutes in my day to train and to make healthy food choices.  It was one of many affirmation stickers I put up when I became a second degree brown belt.  They are my reminders of what is needed on may path for a blackbelt. 

The last few weeks, I have been struggling as I have been introducing meat back into my diet.  During the chemotherapy and radiation treatments, there is an increase need for protein and calories.  This is because your cells are actively dividing, requiring a higher nutritional intake.  I met with a Cancer dietician and she explained how much protein I am currently consuming and how much more I will need during treatments.  This can be accomplished as a vegetarian but I also need to be gluten free and lactose free so that limits my protein sources hence my decision to add meat back into my diet.  I have made another "Am I in the Best Shape of My Life?" sticker and added it to my kitchen to help remind me me of quality food choices.

I knew Kung Fu would benefit me in all aspects of my life but it became more apparent when I was meeting with my transplant team just before Christmas.  They emphasized that patients that were in good shape had better outcomes than those that were not.  Patients who actively did Tai Chi or Yoga not only were in better shape but also had a more positive mental outlook throughout the process.  I knew Kung Fu would benefit me but I never expected "Am I in the Best Shape of My Life?" would carry such a significant role in my future.  

"Am I in the Best Shape of My Life?" was also at the forefront during our New Years challenge.  Since I had to do modified PUs, I focused on working different muscles, not just getting the numbers in.  I was mindful of my injuries and making sure I pushed myself but did not reinjure anything.  Today I am sore but in a good feeling way.  

Am I in the Best Shape of My Life? After the current round of injuries, I have had setbacks but I keep that phrase in front of me so each day I am working to recover and improve.  This will be one of the phrases that I will be have in front of me always.

See you on the mats!