Loss of routine

The loss of routine has greatly affected me.  Before my cancer treatment I had a great routine and I was able to carry this for the first few weeks in the hospital. But then I got really sick where I literally lost a month from my memory and lost another 4 weeks just fighting to heal. 

Now it’s 17 months since I was released from the hospital and I’m trying to do a gradual return to work.  At first I was so nervous “what if I can’t do it, what if I fail”.  Self doubt was weighing on me.  Then I realized I will have the opportunity to start routines again and only then did I notice how I still have NO routine in my life except medical appointments and my KF classes.  I make a list and will work on them during the day but I do not schedule time to do the tasks.  But it’s even more than that, I don’t have a routine daily schedule even outside of my tasks.  The only things I worry about is taking medications at the right time and my nighttime dental routine. I guess I do have some routine, tasks that I don’t even think about anymore.  I am excited to start expanding on these routines.  I will start with a few items to make sure they are doable and then work from there.  

I am sure that improving my routine is going to help in all areas of my life including my Kung Fu.  

Different degrees of effort for a similar outcome

Today I had my 6 month dental cleaning at the UofA dental clinic.  Two years ago I started going there as a requirement for my BMT transplant.  Because full body radiation and chemo impacts your salivary glands, there is more work that is needed to be done to maintain my dental health.  My night time routine takes over an hour.  Floss, waterpik, electric brush with special toothpaste, wait 30 minutes, fluoride rinse, wait 30 min, disinfect mouthguard, then after mouthguard is in place, add a xylimelt tablet to my gum to improve saliva production during the night.  Finally bedtime!  I actually use this time as my meditation time, bonus!

Since my last appointment, I added the waterpik because the other steps were just not enough.  I was so excited to get my cleaning done because I was sure it was going to go quickly.  My hygienist said it was a great improvement since my last visit and then proceeded to take forty five minutes to do my cleaning.  My excitement was slightly dampened even with the positive reinforcement but out came another learning experience.

Can a dental cleaning have any relationship to Kung Fu?  It sure did for me.  This was just another example of how an outcome can require different degrees of effort by an individual.  Everyone's body is unique so it takes different efforts and different activities to reach the same end point.  Nothing you can about it but do the work and enjoy ANY step of improvement.  Embrace your uniqueness! 

NUMBERS:  I lost my journal during our move and then I did not track any of my numbers so starting from Monday Jan 7th with my physio exercises.

- Dead bugs (SU) - 25
- Lateral and frontal arm lifts with weights (PU) - 30
- Sit to stands - 10
- Squats - 10
- Toe raises - 40
- Heel raises - 40
- Balance exercises - 30

Powerful experiences

A powerful experience is when a strong effect occurs on people’s feelings and thoughts.  This experience does not need to be positive to have a dramatic impact. 

Powerful experiences will bring changes to our lives.  A powerful positive experience can allow growth to an individual but when you need to do a deep soul search to understand why thoughts and feelings are not positive, it has the potential for exponential growth. 

Actually I learn more about myself when dealing with feelings and understanding emotions that arise when feelings and thoughts are not positive. I am lucky to be surrounded by people who help me dive deeper into myself and allow for growth to occur.  Only time will tell if it’s exponential.

So a physiotherapist walks into a bar..

 Okay, I walked beside a bar with my physiotherapist but this title is catchier.  As you can probably gather, today I went for another evaluation. I’ve been worried about my current issues with balance and lack of strength.  

Do what did I find out?  The prednisone masked all inflammation that I previously had so the aches and pains are to be expected.  Steroids cause loss of strength in your central body (core, shoulders, hips) so this helps explains so much.  

I was given exercises to help build muscle and balance.  Told to continue with Tai Chi and exercises I was doing and revaluate in 2 months.  The other item I was told to do was journal EVERYTHING.  What exercises I am doing, how am I feeling and look back in the last day or two to find trends.  Hmmm… journaling daily, now why does that sound familiar?  LOL Even brain fog can’t take that away.

My good news today was this is just another bump in my journey and it’s going to take some hard work to get over it but it should improve as I move forward.

Hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season.  See you on the mats!

Balance

The one thing that has been evident with my recovery is rebuilding of my balance.  When I first came out of the hospital I had lost all muscle strength.  This was due to the meds that I was given.  As I rebuilt that strength, I thought it would be all uphill but as with any journey, there is ups and downs. 

 I definitely rebuilt muscle but now with the extended inactivity (and continued med changes) comes a new set of challenges. The one that I am focusing on is my balance.  If I am sitting for 30 minutes or longer, when I get up I can feel my muscles in my feet working to maintain my balance.  I feel the muscles shifting and activating, working hard.  I feel the inner muscles fire, then the outer muscles, front and back, adjusting. I have to wait a few seconds for my balance to stabilize before even taking a step. 

These ups and downs can be very frustrating and I can honestly say that I have had a few temper tantrums along my journey but then I take a deep breath and figure out what my next steps are. Talking with Sifu Brinker, booking an appointment for a physiotherapy assessment, and when I do my forms, I focus on my balance during transitions instead of just stepping/falling into next stance. 

I’m need to continue this micro muscle awareness as I progress through this new bump because the only way I fail is if stop trying. 

I challenge you to focus on your micro muscles in your feet the next you stand up and not take those for granted.

See you on the mats!

Finally a blog

 I have three draft blogs but nothing posted so here I go.  Last month I finally was off my prednisone.  My doctor warned me that there would be side effects, but I had been on such a low-dose that I really didn’t believe these would occur. The funny thing is, I was hit very hard with the side effects. My energy has been so low, my joints ache and seize, and my muscle has again deteriorated.  Monday I saw my Transplant team and they are decreasing my last immuno suppressant. She is hoping that I can get off of my immunosuppressants so I am able to get my live vaccinations. In the meantime, I have also asked to be referred to a physiotherapist to try and get my flexibility and strength going again.  It’s really frustrating when it feels like I am taking three steps back and not going forward at all.  That being said, I am sitting and waiting to get into my black belt class as any movement is better than none.

I hope this is just a phase and will pass (fingers crossed).

Breakathon 2023

This week was our breakathon. I didn’t even consider competing until my 1-1 with Sifu Brinker the day prior.  He talked about ways I could try while not risking injury.  Thoughts whirled around my head and I still wasn’t sure what I was going to do.  Once I got to class I was more than willing to try, I was excited.  I did my 10 breaks, I even held a couple of boards for others all in a safe environment.  I didn’t realize how much fear I had until I overcame it with the help around me.  

Don’t get me wrong, I have a lot of work to do but still can’t wait till next year!