The Journey Within – A Meditation Experience to Remember

Earlier this month, I attended a meditation seminar called “The Journey Within.” The evening began with a powerful opening by an Indigenous elder, who offered a prayer accompanied by the steady, grounding rhythm of his drum. I’ve always found that drum work moves me deeply—it connects me to something greater while simultaneously setting me free.

Then came Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar. It has been over 20 years since he last visited Edmonton, and being in his presence was both enlightening and humbling. He spoke about the importance of collective action—asking us how we were going to make a difference in the world, and how each of us can contribute to creating positive change.

Throughout the event, a group led us through beautiful meditations using chants and drumming, creating an atmosphere that was both serene and invigorating.

It was truly a unique and transformative experience—one that left me feeling grateful, centered, and inspired. I’m already looking forward to the next opportunity to “journey within.”

NUMBERS

Pushups (modified): 8928

Situps (modified):  6445

Sparring: 70

KMs: 1283

AOKs: 1173

Blogs: 30

Mastery byu Stuart Emery:  Incomplete

Relationship Mend Status:  Complete

Da Mu Hsing: 235

Weapon Form: 142

Germain: 4730

Meditation: 825

Tai Chi: 1153

Decluttering: 600

Yoga, Stretching, Exercise: 1200

Days of Zen: behind 

Getting Back on Track—One Board at a Time

The past few weeks haven’t been great, and my training has taken a hit. So what’s the best way to get back on track? Board breaking, of course!

Today was our breakathon—my second since the transplant. Last year, I was just happy to attend. This year, I wanted to do more. But I’m walking a fine line between what I want to do and what I should do.

Due to treatments, I now have moderate osteoporosis, which puts me at a medium risk of fractures. That’s actually an improvement—last year, it was high risk—thanks to medication. Still, I’m learning where I can safely push myself and how far.

This year, I used lighter rebreakable boards but increased the difficulty slightly if a technique felt strong. Some went really well, others… not so much. And seriously—why is my side heel still kicking smurfs? Someone tell my body the target is a little higher up!

But I ended the evening with an elbow break on a wooden board—and it went well. I was confident, my technique felt solid, and I stayed in control. It was more than a physical challenge—it was a personal one. And I showed up for it.

It wasn’t just about breaking boards—it was about proving to myself that I’m still growing, still pushing, and still capable. I can’t wait for next year!

Elusive Energy

I’ve written before about chasing the feeling of energy in Kung Fu — especially in Tai Chi. I used to think that once I could feel it more consistently, it would come more easily.

But no.

The only real difference now is that the gaps between those moments are getting smaller. I catch glimpses more often, but it still takes conscious effort.

“Focus on the energy coming from the ground.”
“Feel it around me.”
“Can I sense it moving through me?”
And now: “Can I move the energy?”

Oops. Lost it again.

And so the cycle continues.

If anyone has tips or insights on how to improve this skill, please let me know — I’d love to hear how others experience and develop this part of the practice.

NUMBERS

Pushups (modified): 8716

Situps (modified):  6345

Sparring: 67

KMs: 1198

AOKs: 1113

Blogs: 28

Mastery byu Stuart Emery:  Incomplete

Relationship Mend Status:  Complete

Da Mu Hsing: 227

Weapon Form: 140

Germain: 4455

Meditation: 685

Tai Chi: 1003

Decluttering: 540

Yoga, Stretching, Exercise: 1140

Days of Zen: behind 

Learning German, Learning Kung Fu: Similarities?

Starting something new as an adult—whether it’s learning a language or practicing a martial art—can feel overwhelming. Three weeks ago, despite my nerves and doubts, I took a leap and joined a beginner German class. What I didn’t expect was how much this experience would mirror my journey learning Kung Fu, teaching me valuable lessons about patience, immersion, and stepping beyond my comfort zone.

My 2.5-hour Monday classes, taught almost entirely in German, were intimidating at first—especially since the first 30 minutes covered the equivalent of 280 days of Duolingo practice! But slowly, I started to find my groove.

What’s helped most is letting go of the need to translate everything in real-time. Instead, I immerse myself in the language, even when I don’t fully understand it yet. I do my homework, give myself grace, and remind myself that learning takes time. We’re all figuring it out at our own pace.

This experience has reminded me so much of how I’ve been learning Kung Fu—and how I might have approached it differently from the start. Like with German, I used to overanalyze every movement, trying to “translate” instructions into instant understanding. But that mindset slowed me down. Now, I focus on being present in the practice, trusting that clarity will come through repetition.

It reemphasized how important it is to reinforce what I’ve learned outside of class—and to be patient with the process. Not everyone learns the same way or at the same speed, and that’s okay. That includes me.

Taking on German has reminded me that learning—whether a language or Kung Fu—isn’t about perfection, but persistence. I’ve learned to stop overthinking, to practice consistently, and to trust that understanding will come with time. Most importantly, I’ve been reminded to be kind—to myself and to others on the same path. Growth happens outside our comfort zones, and with effort and compassion, we can make surprising progress—even in intimidating spaces.

If you’re starting something new today, remember: it’s not about perfection. It’s about persistence, presence, and kindness to yourself along the way. Growth awaits just beyond the edge of your comfort zone.

NUMBERS

Pushups (modified): 8566

Situps (modified):  6095

Sparring: 66

KMs: 1181

AOKs: 1068

Blogs: 27

Mastery byu Stuart Emery:  Incomplete

Relationship Mend Status:  Complete

Da Mu Hsing: 227

Weapon Form: 140

Germain: 4455

Meditation: 685

Tai Chi: 953

Decluttering: 540

Yoga, Stretching, Exercise: 1080

Days of Zen: behind 

The Workout I Almost Missed!

Today, I really didn’t want to go to my exercise class. I’d had two long, exhausting days, and all I could think about were excuses not to go — and I thought up plenty.

Work ran late, so I logged in five minutes late. But I figured, okay, I’ll at least show up.

The first set of exercises was brutal — three different moves, two sets each. I told myself, I’ll just do one set, then I’ll find a reason to leave. Oh look, dishes to put away. Fine, one more set, then I’m out. Why is my kitchen suddenly so dirty?

Then came the cardio portion. Okay, I’ll get through this, and then I’ll stop. Cardio ended, and the next set began. Alright, just one more set.

This little internal negotiation went on all the way to the stretching portion — which, honestly, felt amazing. And just like that, the class was over.

Every minute of it felt like a chore, but it was so worth it. I felt really good afterwards — and now, I’m even looking forward to my next class. Time to head out... for Tai Chi.

NUMBERS

Pushups (modified): 8291

Situps (modified):  5820

Sparring: 65

KMs: 1149

AOKs: 1013

Blogs: 26

Mastery byu Stuart Emery:  Incomplete

Relationship Mend Status:  Complete

Da Mu Hsing: 217

Weapon Form: 137

Germain: 4330

Meditation: 670

Tai Chi: 903

Decluttering: 540

Yoga, Stretching, Exercise: 1020

Days of Zen: behind 

Back in the Dragon Demo After Five Years

Saturday was my first Dragon demo in over five years. I was definitely nervous being back — after such a long break, I wasn’t sure how it would go. But I was surprised at how calm I felt once the demo started.

It’s funny how much you remember — and yet how much you forget. There was so much to take in again: positioning, spacing, cues from the head, increased cardio demands, and more.

Even with all that, I was really happy I got the chance to assist and felt good doing it — especially with only two practices under my belt.

Another aha moment came during my weapon form. I missed the catch when transitioning my nunchucks to the other hand. Instead of stumbling to recover, I should have just flipped them down and reset for the catch.

In training, I’d been avoiding this adjustment so I could focus on doing the technique “correctly.” But now that part is solid — and I need to remind myself it’s okay to improvise during a demo when things don’t go exactly as planned.

If you’re coming back to something after time away — whether it’s martial arts or any other skill — don’t expect perfection. Focus on presence, not perfect performance. And when things go off-script, adapt and keep moving. That’s often when real progress happens.

NUMBERS

Pushups (modified): 7741

Situps (modified):  5520

Sparring: 65

KMs: 1138

AOKs: 986

Blogs: 25

Mastery byu Stuart Emery:  Incomplete

Relationship Mend Status:  Complete

Da Mu Hsing: 217

Weapon Form: 137

Germain: 4180

Meditation: 660

Tai Chi: 903

Decluttering: 540

Yoga, Stretching, Exercise: 970

Days of Zen: behind 

Tracking My Journey: From Kayak Adventure to Blogging Consistency

Sunday, I sat down to write a blog post about the kayak trip Mike and I took from Devon to Edmonton. It was a journey that left me feeling both nervous and exhilarated. I’d never kayaked such a long distance, and I wasn’t sure what to expect, but in the end, I loved every moment of it. Not only did I add 32 km to my total distance, but I also realized something important: the unexpected moments were often the most rewarding. But, as usual, I hit a roadblock—I couldn’t finish the post.

Week after week, I’ve struggled to publish a blog, mainly because my tracking numbers are hard to pin down. I have a tracker, so my numbers are there, but it takes me time to tally them up. Because I haven’t been consistent with this, I often find myself missing the blogging deadline and falling behind. This has led to more frustration than I’d like to admit.

We’re now over seven months into the Year of the Snake, and I can see that it's time to regroup. I need to find a way to improve my tracking, to make it simpler and quicker, so I can stay on top of my blogging. I’ve made a small but important change: I’ve updated my tracker to automatically keep a running total of my numbers. That should make things easier going forward.

But the bigger challenge is consistency. Tracking is one part of the equation, but the bigger piece is showing up regularly in my writing. So, this is me, making my comeback. I’m committed to improving my consistency, and I’m starting with this post. Below, you’ll find my current totals. I’m excited to keep moving forward and share the journey with you.

NUMBERS

Pushups (modified): 7530

Situps (modified):  5414

Sparring: 64

KMs: 1087

AOKs: 875

Blogs: 24

Mastery byu Stuart Emery:  Incomplete

Relationship Mend Status:  Complete

Da Mu Hsing: 206

Weapon Form: 131

Germain: 4030

Meditation: 645

Tai Chi: 823

Decluttering: 480

Yoga, Stretching, Exercise: 900

Days of Zen: behind 

Tai Chi Workout

Today, as I worked on my transitions in Tai Chi, I found myself sweating hard—and I was reminded of something Sifu Brinker had told me during a recent one-on-one session: there’s noticeable weakness in my small muscle groups, especially during those challenging transitions in my forms. He suggested focusing on them, and wow, did it make a difference.

In addition, Sifu Dennis noticed I was leaning forward during some of those tough transitions in Tai Chi and reminded me to keep my core strong and not worry so much about going as deep. As I worked on this, I realized that I’d been locking my back leg—using larger muscles to compensate for the weakness in the smaller ones.

So, is Tai Chi a workout? Absolutely. And if it’s not for you, I’d suggest taking a step back and evaluating your practice. There’s more to it than just slow movements; it’s about muscle engagement, control, and balance.

See you on the mats!

Thankful

I can’t believe summer is almost gone.  The leaves are changing and nights are cool.  I have had the opportunity to do a lot of canning this year.  Most years I will only do a bit but this year with our trip to BC, we were able to bring home so much produce.  During Tai Chi, I have been thanking Mother Earth for this bounty as I have been trying to be more aware of the struggles happening around us.  People who do not have this opportunity to enjoy fresh food much less an abundance of it. 

Last week I helped make 250 meals for the Edmonton vulnerable.  We then handed the meals out with bottles of water.  The majority were openly grateful for these items that we take for granted.  This opportunity is headed by an Edmonton local restaurant owner who runs Padmanadi.  Kasim wants to give back and uses his restaurant to do this.  He does this silently and by word of mouth.  Having the opportunity to be meet others who were also helping was a great experience.

So this week I am thankful.  I’m thankful for friends who included me in this venture.  I’m thankful for Kasim who spearheads this opportunity.  I’m thankful to live in a country that is at peace.  I’m thankful for family, friends, Martina, being alive, a job, a house, food on the table, and being able to surround myself with like-minded people.  I’m thankful for Kung Fu, knowing that it is Kung Fu that has opened my eyes and allows me to take advantage of opportunities around me.  I have so much to be thankful for!

Vacation

 This last week was a reset.  Visiting with family and friends that I haven’t seen in a long time was just what I needed.  Our friends live in an off grid cabin near Kamloops which was interesting to visit and experience.  We brought out kayaks and bikes and enjoyed the outdoor weather when we could.  Mike and I brought a lot of produce home from BC so we spent today canning 33 jars of pickles, and many batches of refrigerated pickles. We still have blueberries and peaches yet to process, but the simple act of this basic activity is rewarding as you witness the outcome of your work.

We have had many conversations this week between the difference of doing something for ourselves or trying to do something for others. We both can see ourselves doing something that would benefit seniors in our community but we also see us looking for remote land.

I must say that, even since my last blog, I don’t feel as lost, but I definitely have not found my passion yet either.  There are many things I know I would like to do, but I want to make sure that I’m being true to myself. There have been seeds planted these last few weeks, and now I need to wait to see what will grow. In the meantime, attending classes helps nourish me and allows for time to figure things out. I need to make a definitive plan though because time can easily slip away.  It is Aug already!

See you on the mats!

Struggling

I have been struggling!  Since recovering from my recent illness, I have been questioning everything around me including should I stay in Kung Fu.  I am finally well enough that I see all the holes and gaps in Kung Fu, at work, and at home and  I question if they will ever get better.  

And yet I can honestly admit I have not been doing anything consistently.  How can I expect anything to change when that is my truth?  Is Kung Fu a priority? I can’t tell you any of my priorities (except family) because it feels like I’m caught in a tornado with everything just swirling around.  

For the first time in many years, I am searching for my passion and it is not jumping out at me.  Shouldn’t that be an easy task? I want to align my priorities with my passions. I have started listening to Jose Silva’s method, books on meditation, courses on chakras, crystals, colours, energies and the more that I learn, the more that I realize I know nothing. I’ve finally been able to help teach, work, travel, kayak, camp, bike and although I enjoy these, I am constantly wondering why was my life saved?  

I deeply feel there is something I am yet to do but I just don’t know what it is. I worry that I will fall into a routine and become numb to signs around me but I am searching so hard that I think I am overlooking those signs as well. 

“The truth knocks on the door and you say, “go away, I’m looking for the truth,” and so it goes away.”

So in the meantime, I will continue going to my Kung Fu and exercise classes, continue with my 1-1s, and know that clarity will eventually come as to why I am still here.

Family

 This weekend was my parents 50th anniversary.  All the kids got together to host it and my parents siblings, friends and family joined us at the hall.  It was such a good time! Seth and Eagle came out to join us, that was also special.

It was not tons of work as all the girls did a section so the work was split up and it all came together.  How is this related to Kung fu? 

Small consistent work by each person was able to bring together a successful event, just like our demos.  Also family is the most important thing about in my life.  This also includes my Kung Fu family.

On a side note, I have been working on contraction and expansion during my circular motions in Da Mu Hsing.  Sifu Brinker explained that I should also be feeling that in my linear moves and presto…another aha moment!  I  didn’t think it would come so fast after the last one.

NUMBERS

Situps (modified):  4039

Pushups (modified): 4850

KMs: 493.37 

AOKs: 375

Da Mu Hsing: 108

Weapon Form: 65

Sparring: 57

Germain: 2664

Meditation: 455

Tai Chi: 623

Decluttering: 380

Yoga, Stretching, Exercise: 600

Days of Zen: a few days behind 😳

A little goes a long way!

Finally after being on a steroid inhaler and steroid nasal spray, I am starting to feel better.  Things that have been piling up around me during the illness are not only bugging me, but I am doing something about them.  Checking items off my list. 

I am looking forward to my exercise class tomorrow even though I will be doing the chair version of the exercises and really pacing myself because I do not want to have any setbacks.  I am hoping this is the last of the illnesses and I am looking forward to a summer of doing more.  

Mike and I bought electric bikes and we plan on biking to our classes but this just hasn't been in the cards yet.  I am also worried about Canada Day coming up and doing our demos as I have not been doing my reps.  I am frustrated because my pushups and setups were progressing nicely and now I am back to square one but as I stated above, I just need to pace myself and start again because a little goes a long way.  A few minutes every day will have tremendous impacts.  My German has come a long way when I look at where I started although I am terrified to even try a sentence out loud as my pronunciation is a bit to be desired. 

Sick AGAIN!

 My body has decided to get all immunity that it has missed over these last three years.  I now have a deep cough and combined with the vertigo (I had to have two treatments last week) I am wiped and the work week is just starting😡.  I have to keep reminding myself “this too shall pass”.  So pacing myself and hoping this will finally clear up soon .

Our Amazing Bodies

Have you ever wondered how amazing the human body is? Injury makes you acutely aware of how your body compensates in remarkable ways. The last 10 days I’ve been struggling with bad vertigo and yesterday at Physio I was told to close my eyes and stand on one leg. I could not lift that foot off the ground without almost falling over. Balance relies on three key components:  Vision, Vestibular Function, Proprioception. 

Last year I was struggling with neuropathy, and I had to work very hard on my proprioception. I still feel that in my feet when I am transferring weight in my forms, it is especially evident in Tai Chi. Now, the vertigo that I’m experiencing is affecting the nerve to the inner ear (Vestibular Function). By removing my sight, my physiotherapist could quickly determine that vision was the major compensation that I was doing for balance. The physiotherapist is not sure if I will regain my previous balance, but it is getting better, and next week we start retraining my body again. 

It’s amazing how many ways your body can compensate without you being aware of it.  Be mindful and use those clues that we are given!

NUMBERS

Situps (modified):  3930

Pushups (modified): 4530

KMs: 493.37

AOKs: 271

Da Mu Hsing: 91

Weapon Form: 53

Sparring: 56

Germain: 1803

Meditation: 335

Tai Chi: 513

Decluttering: 320

Yoga, Stretching, Exercise: 540

Days of Zen: every day done

Tired of being sick and tired

 The last six weeks I have been off and on with being sick.  I seem to get better for the weekend and then off again.  Last Friday I got hit with the worse dizziness I have felt and it hasn’t gone away.  My balance is affected and my head is filled with cotton.  Staring at a computer screen is exhausting and I am having lots of naps.  Doctor thinks it’s just an inner ear issue and I have meds to try to help but they aren’t working yet.  I also have a physio appointment next Tuesday for vestibular therapy.  Fingers crossed!

So I continue to be away from class but I am sure this will pass and things will pick up again.  

Back!

Just about to head into my first class in a month. I’ve been struggling with recovery of a cold.  I would get better and then after Sil Lum it would hit me again until the end of the week and then it would start again. 

That being said I have been unable to do much physical activity so my numbers are not good but now I’m feeling better and even did most of my exercise class yesterday.  Hopefully today will go well but I know I will have to be very mindful of my actions.  Still I’m excited to be back!

Numbers next blog!

Contraction/Expansion

I’ve been having difficulties in Da Mu Hsing when I do spins and this causes the following moves to lack connection.  I found I would throw off my centre and then I was falling into the next moves.

Is my foot position wrong? Am I spinning too fast? Am I raising my centre? Are my harmonies working together? When I focused on one, others would fall apart.

As I talked with Sifu Brinker, he emphasized that I need to contract and then expand at the end.  This is changing my whole intent.  As I focus on the contraction/expansion, I no longer worry about my feet, speed of spinning, or my centre yet these are all fixed by changing my focus.  

This is my first big “aha” moment where one action groups in a whole bunch of others. Can’t wait till that next one comes.

Weight struggles!

 This blog is about my weight struggles throughout these last 3 years.  Before I started my treatment program I was 145lbs, the lowest I’d been in years and that was due to my blackbelt grading year and the years leading to that.  At that time, I was in the best shape of my life although I knew I could still improve.  That was my mindset.

I really don’t know what my lowest weight was but there was a time that I was given nutrition by IV as I was failing to thrive.  I hadn’t eaten anything in many days and I couldn’t keep anything down.  That was probably my lowest and it wouldn’t surprise me if I hit 130 or even lower as I had also lost all muscle mass. 

The first year, all they want you to do is take in lots of protein and calories.  Added to that was a super strong anti rejection medication and 9 months later I was at the highest weight I had ever been at, including my pregnancies, 199 lbs.  That is over 70 pounds in 9 months.  My medical team would always say “we worry about weight after year 1, keep doing what you are doing” so I wasn’t really worried until I got off my immunosuppressants and the weight didn’t just drop off. That is so mean!  Mentally I struggled with my weight gain, decreased self image, hating to buy clothes, wanting to go on a quick fix diet but knowing it was wrong.  I had to ignore the scale and really focus on doing my exercises and to keep being as active as I could. Every couple of weeks I would check with the scale to make sure I was on the right path.

Yesterday I weighed 171 and I know 8 weeks ago I broke the 180s because I was so excited about that.  I am coming up to year 3 and still I am fighting with each pound.  I was going to wait until I broke the 170s to blog but I want to rejoice in the small win because I am almost there and I know that this blog will help me be mindful of the food that I eat and motivated to continue the exercises that I do.  This is still not a healthy weight but it is in the right direction with the right momentum and so I will take that win!

Today was the first day in 10 days that I finally feel better.  Numbers really suffered but got a few in.

NUMBERS

Situps (modified):  3180

Pushups (modified): 3430

KMs: 326.44

AOKs: 171

Da Mu Hsing: 59

Weapon Form: 38

Sparring: 43

Germain: 1227

Meditation: 285

Tai Chi: 363

Decluttering: 200

Yoga, Stretching, Exercise: 211

Days of Zen: 64

Finally Sick

 Well this baby immunity is finally being tested.  It came on strong Wednesday evening and I was in bed all day Thursday and Friday and most of Saturday.  Sore throat, fever, aches, and not able to keep anything down.  I thought I was feeling a bit better yesterday afternoon as I finally had a bit of food that stayed and my fever had broke but by supper my fever had again taken control.  At least the meds are now helping and I have the energy to blog but my balance is really off so I will do my beta forms later.  At least it’s not demo day 🤣.

My numbers are very poor this week but here they are:

NUMBERS

Situps (modified):  2955

Pushups (modified): 3155

KMs: 305.46

AOKs: 151

Da Mu Hsing: 57

Weapon Form: 31

Sparring: 41

Germain: 1096

Meditation: 285

Tai Chi: 343

Decluttering: 200

Yoga, Stretching, Exercise: 211

Days of Zen: 57

AOKs

This weekend a friend helped me.  It was something that she normally gets paid for but she would not accept anything from me.  I understand why she did that but it is hard sometimes to accept acts of kindness when their kindness meant so much.  I fought for a while to figure out how to show her and then it came to me. I planned some quick healthy meals for the week and bought the groceries.  I sent her the recipes and the groceries.  She sent me a video saying she would always work for veggies 🤣.  This way I accepted her act of kindness and yet was able to show her how much it meant.  

We talked about how lucky we were to meet each other and become friends.  Just like how I feel lucky to be studying a traditional Chinese martial art in Stony Plain with all of you. I like when choices bring you down paths that feel so right. 

NUMBERS

Situps (modified):  2830

Pushups (modified): 2980

KMs: 288.66

AOKs: 141

Da Mu Hsing: 55

Weapon Form: 28

Sparring: 47

Germain: 956

Meditation: 285

Tai Chi: 343

Decluttering: 200

Yoga, Stretching, Exercise: 211

Days of Zen: 50

Community Project:  still in the thought phase.

Too much, too fast!

I am at the dangerous point in my training where I want to progress to where I was and I am forgetting where I came from.  This has been very hard on me as my recovery is also being compounded by aging. I have been on track with my numbers but I have also come to the realization that this is not sustainable for me at this time.  

I ended the year of the dragon strong.  I found a rhythm and things that were working for me and so my ego decided I could jump back in with both feet and approach my IHC year as a totally fit younger person.   My ego likes to forget my journey and only look forward with an invincibility that my body cannot keep up with. 

Numbers have been my primary focus this year and in my mind I wanted to surpass all numbers, to be a great leader to the team, to feed my ego and let it run wild but somewhere I lost my way.  I still do my exercise program twice a week but lately I have been running to record my numbers (how many push up equivalents would that be?) instead of the quick stretching we do and get ready for the next exercise.  I am counting my reps and not focusing on firing the correct muscles.  I know better but somehow I slipped into a destructive mind thought.

Now here is the kicker, how do I progress at my own speed and not let mediocrity slip in.  How do I portray my numbers to the team and not show mediocrity?  How do I keep track of numbers but not let that control me? It is easy to say "I can't do this because...."  instead of "I can't do this yet..." and I think that is what makes the difference.  I also need to realize that my "yet" may never be the way it use to be and I need to be okay with that.  I need to keep poking things with a stick to make sure mediocrity doesn't become my norm BUT I need to be honest to myself with the results of the poke.  Record them and move on, continue to set my baseline and review to see how it is changing. 

The strength that I need to work on this year is internal as well as external.  I need to build a strong emotional foundation that will allow me to continue to build my physical body in a sustainable way.  To be aware of mediocrity and intervene.  I am so happy to catch this before it totally derailed my training and I wouldn't have caught it as quick without my 1-1s.  

BOOK YOUR 1-1s!  

Eye for Detail

Sometimes when I am doing forms I lose track of what my body is doing?  My go to was to videotape myself and then dissect the video.  What do my stances look like, how are my transitions?  When Sifu Brinker and I chatted about this, he reminded me we are doing 2000 year old forms.  Our past masters did not have videos so what did they do?  They had to listen more to their body for that reflection.  I’ve been focusing on harmonies, relearning, and building muscle but now I want to add more self awareness of how my body feels and then evaluate.  Is the feeling correct, should I be lower, am I raising my Center, where is the power coming from, am I grounded?  Once I get to the point it feels right, then I can video to validate or correct.

I made good progress on my numbers this week and kept up on reading blogs so I am pretty happy about that.  Still behind but I have a path to catch up. First is four weeks of hitting my numbers (to gain that consistency again after vacation) and then I will add 10% and reevaluate on my weekly blogs.  

NUMBERS

Situps (modified):  2130 

Pushups (modified): 2130

KMs: 230.32

AOKs: 109

Da Mu Hsing: 45

Weapon Form: 20

Sparring: 33

Germain: 775

Meditation: 150

Tai Chi: 273

Decluttering: 70

Yoga, Stretching, Exercise: 158

Days of Zen: 36

Community Project:  still in the thought phase. ↓↓↓  - no change

Start off strong and then vacation, yikes!!!!

The two weeks of vacation was absolutely lovely.  There were parts of it that I wish I could do over and over again but there was also the downfall of not getting in my numbers for Situps and Pushups or forms.  I was planning on doing lots of hand forms as I could not bring nunchucks on the plane but that did not happen.  I walked a lot but that does not shadow the other areas that I did not do so good at.  I started the year off so strong and two months in I am already struggling.

Now the good part is that I know that I am struggling and I know what I need to do to get back on track.  Today I started that process again, a fresh start.   I will be booking my 1-1s as well and back on the mats tomorrow.  These are the things that will help sustain the fresh start.  I knew I would slip off the wagon but I did not think it would be this quick.  Maybe that is okay as it also didn't take me long to get back on. That is the true lesson I believe, to be able to identify the problem and then do something.  At least I am also caught up reading everyone's blog, I will take the wins as well.  I added arrows to where I am standing to where I should be.

NUMBERS

Situps (modified):  1500 ↓↓↓

Pushups (modified): 1500 ↓↓↓

KMs: 203.14 ↑

AOKs: 89 ↓

Da Mu Hsing: 28 ↓↓↓

Weapon Form: 12 ↓↓↓ - no change

Sparring: 9 ↓↓↓ - no change

Germain: 618 ↑↑↑

Meditation: 120 ↓↓

Tai Chi: 210 ↓

Decluttering: ↓↓↓  - no change

Yoga, Stretching, Exercise: 80 ↓↓

Days of Zen: 30 On track

Community Project:  still in the thought phase. ↓↓↓  - no change

Tai Chi in water?

 Have you ever changed something so drastically that it threw you totally off?  I was doing Tai Chi in the pool today and that is exactly what happened.  I was up to my shoulders in the water and because I had limited weight on my feet, normal moves that I don’t think about on land became areas I had to stop and concentrate on for every foot pivot. At first I was frustrated and thought this was a dumb thing to try but then it made me think about moves in a different way.  I had to slow down with each move or I would throw myself off balance. I could also feel when both arms were not moving together or when I was moving too fast. Transferring my weight and keeping my core engaged was vital. It was a great practice for mindfulness.

Doing knee rotations during warm up is another area that I focus on mindfulness but I focus on my feet also.  If you watch, I go really slow because I am constantly asking where is my weight? Why? Can I spread my weight out over my foot?  Throughout all toes? Why is a toe lifted or scrunched down? As the knee rotates, the weight slowly shifts and the questions start all over again. 

Tai Chi has been my go to for mindfulness and grounding.  I can’t wait to see what a few more reps in the pool will bring. Shaking things up here and there might not be bad especially when you get to a point where you don’t think and stop being mindful.

Apologies to the team!

 I have to apologize to the team.  I have been doing well with my personal requirements BUT I have not been able to keep up with reading the teams blogs.  Reading the blogs are as important as submitting them and I have not made that a priority as I have missed many blogs.  How can I support team members without watching their entire journey?  I have been reading here and there and that only gives me a glimpse and for that I apologize and I will revisit my priorities.

Numbers updated on next blog!

Energy flow

Only lately have I began to feel the flow of energy.  While I was doing walking meditation today, I stopped and felt the plants around me by Placing my hand on their bark or holding their leaves or flowers.  There were some plants that I felt stronger and vibrant.  Others were harder to feel as they were deeper and slower.  This is a first for me and when I was explaining to my mom, she said she knew exactly what I meant.  She feels things like that also but why is this the first I’ve heard about it?  These are not things normally heard in our everyday conversations but I wonder if we would be more sensitive to everything around us if we were all exposed at an early age?  Maybe George Lucas had someone teach him about energy flow - aka the force.  🤷‍♀️

NUMBERS

Situps (modified):  1295

Pushups (modified): 1295

KMs: 99.97

AOKs: 67

Da Mu Hsing: 17

Weapon Form: 12

Sparring: 9

Germain: 364

Meditation: 95

Tai Chi: 160

Decluttering: 0

Yoga, Stretching, Exercise: 68

Days of Zen: 16

Community Project:  still in the thought phase.

You think you know but then…

 I love Tai Chi, and I have been doing it for many years.  It has kept me grounded and helped me recover strength.  It has taught me to feel the transfer of weight between moves.  Recently I have started to feel energy flow in longer sections.  I thought I knew Tai Chi well, but then last class I realized I reached the point where I felt like I knew nothing.

If I started to focus on releasing power, I would extend past my reach and throw off my centering.  If I focused on making sure my foot position was correct, I would lose flow. If I focused on flow, I would lose all feeling of releasing power at the end of each move.  As I fixed one thing, 3 things broke. It was like a huge flood gate opened and I was so overwhelmed by how many things I needed to bring together.  So I stopped, took a few deep cleansing breaths and cleared my mind.  It was then that I was excited by what was happening.  

I am excited that I can feel multiple things even if I can’t correct them all yet.  I’m excited that I can recognize being overwhelmed and stop to reset.  I am excited on how much I need to learn yet.  Just when I thought I knew Tai Chi, I’m excited to realize how little I know. 

See you on the mats!

NUMBERS

Situps (modified):  920

Pushups (modified): 920

KMs: 60.41

AOKs: 40

Da Mu Hsing: 5

Weapon Form: 12

Sparring: 6 

Germain: 227

Meditation: 10

Tai Chi: 110

Decluttering: 0

Yoga, Stretching, Exercise: 68

Days of Zen: 9

Community Project:  Just in the thought phase.

Beginning of the Snake!

What a week and what a wrap up to the year!  I finally was able to kneel down to bow into class.  I helped with the kids classes on Tuesday and Thursdays.  Those kids are amazing to watch.  Thursday, I did my first bowing in at the front of the class.  It was such a great feeling!

The week and the year wrapped up with an excellent banquet and demo.  Witnessing Mike and Simon being promoted as well as visiting with friends and family had me smiling all night.  Then our night wrapped up with taking the banquet leftovers to a church for the unhoused of Spruce Grove.  My work colleague Jaime was volunteering that night so she helped with the drop off.  As we arrived, Jaime led me to the kitchen, past security and through a number of people.  When I left, I spoke to some of them, telling them to stay warm and safe. They responded with thank yous and wishing me a safe trip home.  It was humbling being with people who really know the meaning of struggles and yet they were kind and willing to talk to me.

I thought that this would make me even happier but being there made me realize this was a VERY small contribution. It has made me wonder what I could be doing to contribute more.  Not the superficial help that strokes the ego but the help that can make a deep impact.  One of my personal requirements is leading a community project, and this is the motivation to make me really think what this year's project should be.  I can't wait to see what develops.

Although the Year of the Dragon brought many challenging times, I am grateful for it because it is allowing the Year of the Snake to start strong.  

See you on the mats!

NUMBERS

Situps (modified):  420

Pushups (modified): 420

KMs: 28.0

AOKs: 20

Da Mu Hsing: 4 

Weapon Form: 5

Sparring: 4

Germain: 67

Meditation: 5

Tai Chi: 60

Decluttering: 0

Yoga, Stretching, Exercise: 28

Days of Zen: 2

Community Project:  Just in the thought phase.

Loss of Past Knowledge Update

I missed posting last week as Sunday was a tough day.  Both my Grandma and my best friend's mom passed the same day, January 19th.  Although I grieve for the loss, I am at peace that neither is suffering.  Both were surrounded by loved ones.  Although both were older, it still brings home the importance of mending relationships and ensuring you connect with others that are important to you. You never know how much time you have. 

Rest in peace Grandma and Marilyn and thank you for the memories!

Humbling Experiences

Thursday I had an opportunity to help teach the children's classes.  I forgot how much I learn when helping out with these classes and how humbling they can be. 

I was asked to assist a student with stick I and I was confident I could help so I answered "no problem".  That confidence was quickly checked when I saw him staring at my hand position on the first move and him trying to switch his hand position.  I looked down and realized I had switched my grip on my right hand.   I apologized to him and went over the move to refresh my memory and then started showing him again.  I knew the moves but teaching them was so different.  

This happened while teaching one student and luckily I was able to notice his actions and realize I was the one that had caused the uncertainty.  If I had taught a large group, I could have easily caused confusion and never realized it and that is a very humbling fact. I can't just use muscle memory.  I need to be confident but own a mistake if I make it.  Also know that I am being watched on every move I make so a wrong grip or a poor stance is being watched and then emulated by others.  

I could take this humbling experience two ways.  I could be scared and not be willing to try to teach something until I know everything solid or I continue to teach and make sure that I am very aware of what I am doing and what I am teaching.  I pick the latter because I learnt more from 10 minutes with that student then working by myself for an hour.

See you on the mats!

Numbers

Pushups (equivalent) - 10,590

Sit-ups (equivalent) - 4,830

Kilometers - 1607.13

Weapons form - 315

Hand form - 375

Sparring - 95

AOK - 2305

Piano - 1/50

Tai Chi - 53.5/50

Yoga - 49/50

Meditation - 27/50

Loss of past knowledge

As a western civilization, I do not think we fully embrace the loss of knowledge from our elders.  In Kung Fu we honour past masters but what does that truly mean.  Is it just the Kung Fu knowledge that we gain knowing it comes from them?  A technique, a form, a tradition?  Luckily we are a traditional school so there is a lot of tradition and techniques passed down but there is a lot that is lost with each generation.

My grandma will not be with me much longer nor my best friend’s mom whom I am also very close to.  Just this Christmas she wanted to teach me how to make her bread and already it’s too late to get the full knowledge from her. 

We know that we will lose knowledge as our instructors and family age but we always think we have more time with them than we have.  I can tell you, things change very quickly and watching that knowledge slip away brings tears to my eyes. I only know that I have lost learning to bake her bread but there are so many other things I have lost that I don’t even realize.  This is from someone embedded in my life, and I see how it compounds through generations. 

It is a reminder of the consequences of putting something off and what I need to prioritize in my life.

The Power of Forms

There is a lot going on in Da Mu Hsing 1 that allows for feeling and reflection.  During the kick sequence of roundhouse/spinning back kick, I was feeling my power coming from my lower back and I was sure this wasn't right.  Sifu Brinker helped me break down the spinning back kick so I could try to feel the engagement and power within the hip.  So I went back to the roundhouse, spin, sideheel and within that sideheel I could feel the engagement in the hip instead of my back.

Breaking apart a form helps to fix the big disconnect but now I need to tie it all back together so the pieces that I break apart not only flow together but they support each other as well.  My normal process is to identify the problem area, fix it and then expand in either direction to bring it together but in some cases that does not support the technique like this spinning back kick.  

When I add the spin, the engagement of my hip must come sooner but to get that I need to feel stable in that spin.  So for this fix, I need to work on two areas and bring them together.  I need to get that spin and feel the loading of my hip and bring it together with actually throwing the kick, still keeping the hip engaged.  I would like to blame it on my decreased balance since my transplant, but that is not the truth.  As I pick apart this kick, I have realized that I have never had a good "feel" for the spinning back kick.  It's just now I can't hide it like I could before and this is something that I am rejoicing.  Now I get to work on something that has always been broken and it became apparent in my form.  I love the power of forms!

Numbers

Pushups (equivalent) - 10,180

Sit-ups (equivalent) - 4,730

Kilometers - 1535.53

Weapons form - 289

Hand form - 353

Sparring - 83

AOK - 2205

Piano - 1/50

Tai Chi - 51.1/50

Yoga - 47/50

Meditation - 25/50