Just slow

A couple of weeks ago, I went to the kwoon with Sihing S Kohut before classes started to do a couple of reps of a form.  I was able to do 2 reps of 18 temple but really felt it in my joints and my balance seemed to be worse, not better.  Then to make matters worse, when I tried to help Sihing with Tai Chi and I could remember some moves and then I would draw blanks.  It was very frustrating as I’ve been doing this for years!  I know I have cognitive impairments from my treatments but it has not hit home so hard as that day.   (I knew all the parts of 18 temple motions so I’ll take that as a win.) 

I am hoping to start back on the mats in October and I think I will focus on the adult beginner class so I can relearn with them.  I just need to put my ego away and be okay with where I am at today.

Update from my last blog, I was able to get a number of days of meditation in and my sleep has definitely improved but it is not a habit yet.  Still working on that.

Spiritual and Heart Health

 It’s been a few weeks since I posted.  Time has sure flown.  The one thing that has really been bothering me these last few months is sleep.  I can fall asleep fine but in the middle of the night I will then be up for hours.  They tell me that is a side effect of the steroids I’m still on but I know it’s more.  Although my physical strength continues to grow, I have neglected my spiritual side and it’s showing.  I’ve missed Tai Chi classes and I haven’t been meditating.  I never realized how much these impact me physically because when I’m tired, my body does not want to do things.  It becomes a viscous cycle and I do not want to depend on sleep meds.  That being said, although I recognize what I need to do, I still have not corrected it. It’s pretty bad that I did more meditation in the hospital than I do now. I just need to start my day off with some meditation so tomorrow morning that is what I will do (please join me if you wish).

On a different note, I had my stress test this week.  Although I wasn’t on the treadmill for too long, I did make it to the third speed and that was the fastest I’ve walked since my treatments and I didn’t trip or stumble!  My happiest moment was when they they told me everything looked good with that and with my echo.  My new abnormality is nothing to worry about.  My second was when they were surprised that my heart rate returned to normal so quickly.  At least that training is still working 😅.  Now I can start increasing my cardio exercise because honestly, I was a little afraid before I knew my results even though the cardiologist told me not to worry.

Both spiritual health and heart health are the silent but very important parts of training in Kung Fu. These areas are harder to log progression but not impossible.  I need to pay close attention to my body and know it will take weeks or longer for small improvements but it’s worth it!

Relationships

 We tend to gravitate to like minded people and these people will support you as you support them.  Over the years and with different life circumstances, you will expand and change these relationships.  With all relationships it takes effort and you get out what you put in.  This is part of engagement that Sifu Brinker always talks about.  

As Mike and I are busy with renos needed to list our house, I have realized I’ve neglected my relationships.  My Kung Fu, my cancer group, my friends who have been with me through all of this.  So when I am planning my day, I need to also plan quick checkins.  These relationships are not fragile that they will break with some neglect but leave it long enough and eventually everything will deteriorate. I want to maintain a healthy relationship instead of needing to repair it at a later date.

On a side note, I received my second set of baby immunizations today!  Slowly building that immunity!  

Consequences

With any decision comes consequences, good or bad or just a different path.  

I have been on long term steroids since my transplant and although these were required, they have consequences.  My bone density has come back with moderate risk of fractures so now I will start taking a bone building medication. They also want me to count my elemental calcium intake (without increasing my current supplement). 

So how does this relate to Kung Fu?  Nutrition is a huge part of our training but if you’re not logging it then it’s similar to not recording your numbers. I could just guess but that does not benefit me.  Numbers are everything!  Embrace the numbers instead of just recording and you can then see trends, true values and results.

Training on my own

 My third session of cancer exercise class is almost complete.  That means I have been doing them for 30 weeks and the change has been amazing.  I can feel my muscles again, especially in my legs and glutes.  My knees have not been hurting at all.  I think that since I needed to rebuild everything from the ground up, I had no other muscles compensating.  Throughout my exercises, I focus on intent.  What is the muscle I am trying to work on?  If I can’t feel it or activate it, I am asking why.  Do I have my core engaged? Am I doing the motion correctly?  Am I activating other compensating muscles.  This journey has really allowed me to focus on feeling movement, feeling proper muscles firing, stretching and breathing. Just feeling!

I am scared because classes are over for the summer.  Like all training, if I don’t use it, I will lose the ground I gained so now begins the hard part.  Training again on my own.  I know I can do it, I was doing it before but that was 15 months ago.  The difference now is I am not afraid of failure, I am afraid of not even trying so as long I keep that in front of me, I will continue to progress.  

Am I in the best shape?

 During our last IHC meeting we were asked “am I in the best shape of my life”.  As you can imagine, I am not even close to where I was 1.5 years ago, heck I’m not even close to when I started Kung Fu.  This could be discouraging, I could make excuses, but this has been the ultimate learning experience.

As I write this, my face is red as I just completed my exercise class. My team finished our challenge yesterday and although I had to do modified, I still was able to do over 200 each SU and PU to contribute.  I can honestly say that I’m in better shape today than I was even two days ago and miles above where I was a year ago.  

It’s been a long road of hard work and a longer road ahead but as I continue to focus on being mindful and working to get better, I will continue to improve and that will lead me to be in the best shape of my life.

Stategies

These last few weeks I have been taking courses through WellSpring.  This is a non profit organization for patients, caregivers and families dealing with cancer.  They have a wide variety of courses from educational to entertainment. The current courses that I have weekly is a Gentle Yoga, Brain Fog, and QiGong.  Every one of these courses come with strategies that we are to try for a dedicated time to see if they work for the individual.  Here are some key points that really resonated with me.

1. Trust the process, do not focus on the goal - this is continually reiterated in Gentle Yoga.  Do small consistent actions and feel your body in the poses, do not focus on trying to get that perfect looking pose because that is when you will get hurt.  You work up to it gently and gradually.  Doesn't this sound familiar?  We are always told to trust the process in our Kung Fu and as I continue to rebuild my foundation I can look honestly at my self and know that my progress is proportional to the effort that I am putting in.  Some things I am continuing to improve while others are stagnating. 

2. Practice the strategy - During our Brain Fog course, we have been given 2 strategies this week to help with remembering items.  We have been asked to really practice these strategies (compartmentalization and story telling) and not bend them to something that we like.   These are not easy strategies for me and it takes a lot of work to focus and use them but the more that I practice, the easier it is becoming.  Does this sound familiar?  How many of us have "bent" the I Ho Chuan requirements to make them fit something that was "easier" to do?  I can honestly say that I have done that on more than one occasion but I also have done IHC enough to know that it is only when you practice the requirement in its true form that you benefit from it.

3. Relax, feel, and enjoy - during QiGong we are reminded that we may not feel the energy flowing  during our practice but with consistent practice it will get easier and easier until it is second nature.  I have not felt any great increase in energy but by doing this and Tai Chi weekly, I am feeling it at least consistently.  I have been able to improve my relaxation to the point that I keep catching myself nodding off during my meditations (lets call it going into a trance, sounds more positive LOL)

4. Move with your breath - both Yoga and QiGong are focused on moving with your breath NOT breathing with your movement.  We have many Kung Fu forms that also are based on moving with your breath.  I knew that I was not doing it effectively before but now I realize how ineffective I was.  You need to know your movements so you are able to focus on the breath and not having to think about what is next.  I have been practicing on small chunks of my forms (only 2-3 moves) so I can really focus on the breath instead of the movement.  This is a really hard concept but as with everything it will take practice.

5. Last but not least, go outside your comfort zone - I signed up for an online music program that I thought Mike would really enjoy.  It turned out that I also had a blast.  It was just something different that was out of my comfort zone and was surprised that I learnt new things about myself.  

This is my Segway into the Tiger Challenge - Go outside your comfort zone, trust the process, breathe deep and ENJOY! You will learn lots about yourself as well.  Wishing I was there but cheering you all on from the sidelines!