POST 5 - Conclusion

When Sifu Brinker stopped me the other day and asked how I was, I told him that I was just trying to maintain my ground.  He said I was actually gaining ground and it was then that I realized I was, even if it was just millimeters.  I told him that it felt like I was resetting every few minutes lately and he assured me that was okay.

He asked me to post about this journey and I almost felt guilt for not journalling but that quickly passed when I realized that all I need to do is post.  Either I do it or not, it's my choice.

Through these posts, you probably noticed that my decline was not documented as much as my recovery.  I have missed many important activities that occurred this year.  Eagle leaving, Simon's grad, our sailing trip, sailing on the BluenoseII, etc.  I did not journal about my struggles because it would put it in writing and that puts it out there for both others as well as myself.  Not only is it scary but it is easier to ignore and isn't ignorance bliss?  I can tell you from first hand experience that it is NOT.

Kung Fu was, and is, allowing me a few hours in my week where I do not worrying about work.  In class, you may see me glancing (or staring) at the altar, I use it to focus on "where am I and what am I doing".   Things are slowly coming together.  I even made it to open training today, first time in a long time.

These are all baby steps and I know there will be bumps again but the one thing that has kept me going and moving forward was going to class.  So although MY Kung Fu journey is mine, going to class lays out the path in front of me.  Now it's just putting one foot in front of the other.

See you BACK on the mats!

POST 4 - Eye of the storm (Sept 2019)

Going through the hurricane really hit home for me.......

Eye of the storm

Saturday, September 7th, hurricane Dorian hit Halifax. We were scheduled to fly into Nova Scotia that afternoon but decided that was not enough time to prepare so I was able to get onto an earlier flight. This allowed for preparations and then hunkering down.

The wind and rain continued to increase throughout the day, by 14:30 we lost power and by 19:00 it was storming pretty hard. Then at 20:00 it became very quiet. Just some rain but that was not hard. My first thought was it was over but then when I looked at the time I knew I was in the eye and it was only a matter of time before it started again. And start it did, the wind was now coming from the other direction. By the morning it was sunny and the clean up began. There was no power for 48 hours at our place but being prepared made it an adventure.

While Dorian ripped through Halifax, it reminded me of how we approach training and preparation for our Kung Fu. You prepare and adjust, trying to make sure you have everything lined up so when a storm hits, you are able to hunker down and ride it out. But as we talked to friends, I related more to a young man they spoke of. He did not prepare and was now needing help to pick up the pieces of his life. But friends and family are there to help pick those pieces up and all you can do is carry on.

While sitting there during the eye of the hurricane, it also hit home that even when things are quiet, you must be ready. You need to prepare and keep working because it’s only a matter of time before the storm hits again. Do not get complacent during the quiet, you never know what is coming next.

See you on the mats!

POST 3 - Skyline Trails (Aug and Sept 2019)

It was during the first Skyline hike that I really had a hard look in the mirror.  I had to realistically look at my limitations and my abilities.  My Nova Scotia trip just solidified this for me.  I notice now that this was when I was starting to mentally find my way back.  When I finally accepted that my Kung Fu path was truly mine, I no longer felt frustration at myself or others........


On Top of the World (Times Two)

This summer I had the privilege to do the Skyline Trail in both Alberta and Nova Scotia and both were amazing life changing journeys.

The Alberta Skyline is a 44km hike that passes over 3 mountain ranges.  It has an elevation gain of 1410m and an elevation loss of 1928m.  Sifu S. Csillag and I were doing this but I was so worried about my ability to complete this hike.  We had 3 nights and 4 days to do this trail but I knew that this was the longest trip with the heaviest pack that I was yet to do.  I was so nervous before we started and I thought about not going more than once.  After we took the first few steps, everything fell into place and although it was hard, it was very doable.  Why?  Because I prepared.  I had packed my backpack weeks in advance and twice a week did a walk with it.  I went to Chickakoo and did the hard trail as quick as I could.  I made sure I had the right food and water, the right equipment. Luckily I had backups because my water sterilization quit on day 2 but it was a minor inconvenience.   Not only did Kung Fu allow me to physically prepare for this trip, it helped me mentally.  I really look at my abilities and what I needed to do to prepare.  This was a huge accomplishment for me and one that I will cherish forever.  The best moment was when Sifu Csillag and I had just passed the summit (2510m) and then we stopped and had tea, sitting on the rocks with the wind blowing just having a cup of tea and looking down on the Marmot Basin ski hill, knowing you are on top of the world and with a little preparation, you really can do anything you set your mind to. 

The Nova Scotia Skyline is a 10km day hike that travels through the trees but then takes you on a boardwalk that is on the top of the ridge.  The views are amazing as you walk along the ridge.  I sat and listened to the ocean beat along the shore.  I knew that it was Kung Fu that allowed me this moment for I would never had done a "quick" 10km hike just for a view before.   I would never have searched out a 235-step staircase to see a balancing rock and not think twice about doing it.   To me, Kung Fu is like water, it can look calm and slow or it can look fierce and fast but either way it will still gain ground.  Its just a matter of time.

See you on the mats!

POST 2 - SunRun (April 2019)

Here is the post after the April 14th Sun Run. During this post, you will notice my frustration.  Now that I look back, I can definitely see that I started slipping and had no plan to get back on track......

Last week I participated in the Vancouver 10K sun run. My goal for this year was to improve my time from last year. Even though we had a period of hail, I was able to improve my time by 10 minutes to 1 hour 18 minutes. I was over 50% of my age range or age category and felt way better than I did last year after completing the run. But even with all these items that should be a success, I’m actually disappointed. Why? Because I don’t feel that I trained hard for this event. Yes I trained some,  I had a running schedule that I had created, and I followed it for the first week. Then I just ran every once in a while, then  I had a good run followed by a bad run and that was the end of my running until race day. 

This reiterates how easy it is to get frustrated and not train even though you know you should. I wished that my time did not improve. I don’t know what was worse, not beating my time or beating my time knowing that I did it was so much mediocrity. I’ve been sitting and stewing about this for a while and it’s nice to actually be able to get it down on paper. I always seem to work better when I’m with someone and held accountable by someone but that is not always realistic. So how do you change and stop the little excuses that keep popping into your head to justify your mediocrity actions? Since this mediocrity has set in, I’ve also noticed where it sat in on other places in my life. My number have decreased, I have slipped on some of my personal requirements, and stress in my life has increased. For someone who never has been athletic or had an exercise routine in her life, this is the area that I seem to struggle the most. Sometimes it’s even harder when you are watching people succeed effortlessly (at least it appears effortlessly) around you. Oh well, just need to carry on.

POST 1 - Introduction When you are not having a great day (or year)

This year has been hard, it was even harder after a great last year and start to this year.  Work has been exceptionally busy and mentally draining.  There have been many 80 hour weeks and now the normal is 50 hours when is should be 38.75.  Mike's schedule has also been busy.  This has taken a huge toll on our home life and resulted in our family going back to the original five.

During this time, I have felt that my Kung Fu was suffering.  I was watching people around me excel and that caused frustration and anger because I knew that I could and should be at that level as well.  I even thought of taking some time off of Kung Fu but I knew if I did, I probably would not come back.  That was the first time I really was looking at who I was in the mirror.  It was then I knew I had to do this on my own schedule.  I have come this far and I do not want to quit but more important is that I love what Kung Fu has done for me.

You are going to see a number of posts that I have written this year and I hope they show you my journey, both the good and the bad.....