POST 5 - Conclusion

When Sifu Brinker stopped me the other day and asked how I was, I told him that I was just trying to maintain my ground.  He said I was actually gaining ground and it was then that I realized I was, even if it was just millimeters.  I told him that it felt like I was resetting every few minutes lately and he assured me that was okay.

He asked me to post about this journey and I almost felt guilt for not journalling but that quickly passed when I realized that all I need to do is post.  Either I do it or not, it's my choice.

Through these posts, you probably noticed that my decline was not documented as much as my recovery.  I have missed many important activities that occurred this year.  Eagle leaving, Simon's grad, our sailing trip, sailing on the BluenoseII, etc.  I did not journal about my struggles because it would put it in writing and that puts it out there for both others as well as myself.  Not only is it scary but it is easier to ignore and isn't ignorance bliss?  I can tell you from first hand experience that it is NOT.

Kung Fu was, and is, allowing me a few hours in my week where I do not worrying about work.  In class, you may see me glancing (or staring) at the altar, I use it to focus on "where am I and what am I doing".   Things are slowly coming together.  I even made it to open training today, first time in a long time.

These are all baby steps and I know there will be bumps again but the one thing that has kept me going and moving forward was going to class.  So although MY Kung Fu journey is mine, going to class lays out the path in front of me.  Now it's just putting one foot in front of the other.

See you BACK on the mats!