POST 5 - Conclusion

When Sifu Brinker stopped me the other day and asked how I was, I told him that I was just trying to maintain my ground.  He said I was actually gaining ground and it was then that I realized I was, even if it was just millimeters.  I told him that it felt like I was resetting every few minutes lately and he assured me that was okay.

He asked me to post about this journey and I almost felt guilt for not journalling but that quickly passed when I realized that all I need to do is post.  Either I do it or not, it's my choice.

Through these posts, you probably noticed that my decline was not documented as much as my recovery.  I have missed many important activities that occurred this year.  Eagle leaving, Simon's grad, our sailing trip, sailing on the BluenoseII, etc.  I did not journal about my struggles because it would put it in writing and that puts it out there for both others as well as myself.  Not only is it scary but it is easier to ignore and isn't ignorance bliss?  I can tell you from first hand experience that it is NOT.

Kung Fu was, and is, allowing me a few hours in my week where I do not worrying about work.  In class, you may see me glancing (or staring) at the altar, I use it to focus on "where am I and what am I doing".   Things are slowly coming together.  I even made it to open training today, first time in a long time.

These are all baby steps and I know there will be bumps again but the one thing that has kept me going and moving forward was going to class.  So although MY Kung Fu journey is mine, going to class lays out the path in front of me.  Now it's just putting one foot in front of the other.

See you BACK on the mats!

POST 4 - Eye of the storm (Sept 2019)

Going through the hurricane really hit home for me.......

Eye of the storm

Saturday, September 7th, hurricane Dorian hit Halifax. We were scheduled to fly into Nova Scotia that afternoon but decided that was not enough time to prepare so I was able to get onto an earlier flight. This allowed for preparations and then hunkering down.

The wind and rain continued to increase throughout the day, by 14:30 we lost power and by 19:00 it was storming pretty hard. Then at 20:00 it became very quiet. Just some rain but that was not hard. My first thought was it was over but then when I looked at the time I knew I was in the eye and it was only a matter of time before it started again. And start it did, the wind was now coming from the other direction. By the morning it was sunny and the clean up began. There was no power for 48 hours at our place but being prepared made it an adventure.

While Dorian ripped through Halifax, it reminded me of how we approach training and preparation for our Kung Fu. You prepare and adjust, trying to make sure you have everything lined up so when a storm hits, you are able to hunker down and ride it out. But as we talked to friends, I related more to a young man they spoke of. He did not prepare and was now needing help to pick up the pieces of his life. But friends and family are there to help pick those pieces up and all you can do is carry on.

While sitting there during the eye of the hurricane, it also hit home that even when things are quiet, you must be ready. You need to prepare and keep working because it’s only a matter of time before the storm hits again. Do not get complacent during the quiet, you never know what is coming next.

See you on the mats!

POST 3 - Skyline Trails (Aug and Sept 2019)

It was during the first Skyline hike that I really had a hard look in the mirror.  I had to realistically look at my limitations and my abilities.  My Nova Scotia trip just solidified this for me.  I notice now that this was when I was starting to mentally find my way back.  When I finally accepted that my Kung Fu path was truly mine, I no longer felt frustration at myself or others........


On Top of the World (Times Two)

This summer I had the privilege to do the Skyline Trail in both Alberta and Nova Scotia and both were amazing life changing journeys.

The Alberta Skyline is a 44km hike that passes over 3 mountain ranges.  It has an elevation gain of 1410m and an elevation loss of 1928m.  Sifu S. Csillag and I were doing this but I was so worried about my ability to complete this hike.  We had 3 nights and 4 days to do this trail but I knew that this was the longest trip with the heaviest pack that I was yet to do.  I was so nervous before we started and I thought about not going more than once.  After we took the first few steps, everything fell into place and although it was hard, it was very doable.  Why?  Because I prepared.  I had packed my backpack weeks in advance and twice a week did a walk with it.  I went to Chickakoo and did the hard trail as quick as I could.  I made sure I had the right food and water, the right equipment. Luckily I had backups because my water sterilization quit on day 2 but it was a minor inconvenience.   Not only did Kung Fu allow me to physically prepare for this trip, it helped me mentally.  I really look at my abilities and what I needed to do to prepare.  This was a huge accomplishment for me and one that I will cherish forever.  The best moment was when Sifu Csillag and I had just passed the summit (2510m) and then we stopped and had tea, sitting on the rocks with the wind blowing just having a cup of tea and looking down on the Marmot Basin ski hill, knowing you are on top of the world and with a little preparation, you really can do anything you set your mind to. 

The Nova Scotia Skyline is a 10km day hike that travels through the trees but then takes you on a boardwalk that is on the top of the ridge.  The views are amazing as you walk along the ridge.  I sat and listened to the ocean beat along the shore.  I knew that it was Kung Fu that allowed me this moment for I would never had done a "quick" 10km hike just for a view before.   I would never have searched out a 235-step staircase to see a balancing rock and not think twice about doing it.   To me, Kung Fu is like water, it can look calm and slow or it can look fierce and fast but either way it will still gain ground.  Its just a matter of time.

See you on the mats!

POST 2 - SunRun (April 2019)

Here is the post after the April 14th Sun Run. During this post, you will notice my frustration.  Now that I look back, I can definitely see that I started slipping and had no plan to get back on track......

Last week I participated in the Vancouver 10K sun run. My goal for this year was to improve my time from last year. Even though we had a period of hail, I was able to improve my time by 10 minutes to 1 hour 18 minutes. I was over 50% of my age range or age category and felt way better than I did last year after completing the run. But even with all these items that should be a success, I’m actually disappointed. Why? Because I don’t feel that I trained hard for this event. Yes I trained some,  I had a running schedule that I had created, and I followed it for the first week. Then I just ran every once in a while, then  I had a good run followed by a bad run and that was the end of my running until race day. 

This reiterates how easy it is to get frustrated and not train even though you know you should. I wished that my time did not improve. I don’t know what was worse, not beating my time or beating my time knowing that I did it was so much mediocrity. I’ve been sitting and stewing about this for a while and it’s nice to actually be able to get it down on paper. I always seem to work better when I’m with someone and held accountable by someone but that is not always realistic. So how do you change and stop the little excuses that keep popping into your head to justify your mediocrity actions? Since this mediocrity has set in, I’ve also noticed where it sat in on other places in my life. My number have decreased, I have slipped on some of my personal requirements, and stress in my life has increased. For someone who never has been athletic or had an exercise routine in her life, this is the area that I seem to struggle the most. Sometimes it’s even harder when you are watching people succeed effortlessly (at least it appears effortlessly) around you. Oh well, just need to carry on.

POST 1 - Introduction When you are not having a great day (or year)

This year has been hard, it was even harder after a great last year and start to this year.  Work has been exceptionally busy and mentally draining.  There have been many 80 hour weeks and now the normal is 50 hours when is should be 38.75.  Mike's schedule has also been busy.  This has taken a huge toll on our home life and resulted in our family going back to the original five.

During this time, I have felt that my Kung Fu was suffering.  I was watching people around me excel and that caused frustration and anger because I knew that I could and should be at that level as well.  I even thought of taking some time off of Kung Fu but I knew if I did, I probably would not come back.  That was the first time I really was looking at who I was in the mirror.  It was then I knew I had to do this on my own schedule.  I have come this far and I do not want to quit but more important is that I love what Kung Fu has done for me.

You are going to see a number of posts that I have written this year and I hope they show you my journey, both the good and the bad.....

Refilling the tank

It was nice to get back into a grove, even though I just taped the Saturday demo, it was nice to be involved.  It was nice to talk to people you would never have met before.  Sunday we helped a friend for a few hours.  We were invited to our friends cabin and spent the weekend just visiting and letting  the kids enjoy the lake.  Even though it was a busy weekend, it was activities that refilled my emotional tank.  Its been awhile since I was able to do that.  I hope you were able to do things to refill your tank this weekend.


See you on the mats!

Prolonged absence

It's been a long time since I last blogged and I can list a lot of excuses but that is just what they are, excuses. My work life and home life have been in a constant spin. It was like the skoomchuk narrows that we visited during our recent sailing trip.  This is where the ocean tide comes up the narrows while the fresh water flows out.  We were able to visit it at ebb tide and the whirlpools where crazy.  They were around 15 feet wide and 6 feet deep.  They would spin, gain momentum, and then move on.  This is what the last 6 months have been like and I know that my work momentum is still growing.  But as I watched them, I knew that eventually they smooth out and just become flow.


I have also been missing classes (almost a month of them) and it was very humbling to get back to class and realize that I had to work to do Kempo, it was no longer effortless effort.  I have not been following others blogs as it just reminded me of what I was not doing and because of that I have missed out.  I have not been as engaged in my Kung Fu  as I should have been.  I have not been a very good teammate, student, or leader.


But this is all changing.  I just came back from vacation, I have had time to reset.  To find my rhythm, to clear my head, you know all the old sayings.  So now it is time to begin again.  Now don't get me wrong, starting over is hard but doesn't that make it more worthwhile?  The only time I truly fail is when I quit trying. 


See you on the mats!
Jackie


(You will be seeing some of my older posts that I created but never posted.  Yeah, nothing more to be said about that LOL)

Fast week

I had this week off and it went so fast that it felt like a blink.  The one thing that happened was because I was off my routine, my numbers suffered.  If I can get 100 in first thing in the morning, then I hit my numbers.  If I don’t, I seldom succeed even with the best intentions.  So although I did a lot this week (skiing, painting, cleaning) my best intentions failed me, you think I would have figured that out by now.  Here is to a new start!

Vocabulary of Motion

What is motion?  "The action or process of moving or being moved"  It is something that we do as soon as we are born but takes a lifetime to master.  Watch a toddler and you are amazed at how they can climb on couches that are at their shoulders.  They are flexible and strong but they lack the stability and the experience.  A teenage is flexible, agile, and fearless but they lack the wisdom.  As you grow older, you lose the flexibility, the fearlessness, and bad habits have set in but you have wisdom and persistence to keep moving. 


So how does Kung Fu help with motion?  It teaches you proper techniques but it does so much more.  It does not matter how young or old you are, Kung Fu gets you to start "feeling" your movements.  It makes you realize bad habits and helps you work on breaking them. 


Since the first day I walked onto the mats, I have been working on my stances, my transitions, my movements.  It seems just when you fix one thing, there is something else to work on.  Through the years, the process for me has changed from being told when something is wrong, then to "feeling" something is wrong but needing to ask someone to tell me why, to now where I am "feeling" and then trusting myself to make the change required until it is right. 


This was very evident during my last ski trip.  I have always been able to turn left easier than right but when I started to "feel" the motion, I noticed I did not bend my knees as much and my center was higher and more forward than it should be.  I did not think of why this was occurring, I just made the modifications needed and focused on that.  Within a few turns, I had improved those right turns drastically and had a great day skiing.  Another example was during one of my recent jogging days.  I noticed I was feeling jarring on my shins so I modified how my foot was hitting the treadmill, what leg and glut muscles I was engaging, and how much shock I was absorbing in my knees.  That was the first time that I actually ran for 5K without walking breaks!  Even at work, when standing, I will do a mental check to make sure my knees are not locked.  This is my current bad habit that I am working on fixing.  How are locking my knees considered motion?  Motion does not need to be drastic, it can be very obvious as when you change your stances, but it also can be very minute like when you tighten your muscles before impact during a punch or not locking your joints.


Our motion in Kung Fu is also linked with six harmonies. In the above skiing example, the first three physical harmonies are easily identified:  Hips and shoulders,  Elbows and Knees, and Hands and Feet.  The three spiritual harmonies of Spirit with Intent, Intent with Chi, Chi with Power are harder to identify but they are still there.  Spirit with Intent is in my willingness to always improve and then making the change, Intent with Chi is being found in the "feeling" when I am doing the motion, and Chi with Power is feeling the earth when I am executing that turn with no hesitation and with confidence. 


So do not think that your movements or six harmonies are things you only work on in the Kwoon. By taking them out of the Kwoon, you will start to see huge benefits.  I know that it has improved my posture, I walk more confidently on ice, I have started running, I climb stairs easier, and it has improved my skiing just to name a few.  So always keep moving and take the time to "feel" that movement!


See you on the mats!

Help is Always Around the Corner

This weeks blog is about the help that is always around us, sometimes it is obvious and other times we need to ask.  This last few weeks there has been many times when I was given help from such amazing people. I would like to specifically thank Sifu Lindstrom, Sifu Hayes, and Mr. Sollinger for helping me with great strides in my Kung Fu and in my mental confidence. 


I will start with Sifu Lindstrom.  In the last few weeks, he has stopped by and helped me with Lau Gar, Tai Chi, but the one that had the most impact was helping me with my shoulder rolls.  I have a shoulder roll in my dual knife weapons form.  This should not be such a big deal but I can not do good shoulder roll.  Initially it was a mental block (that floor is so far down...) and then once I injured my shoulders, I just could not do them without pain.  First it was because of the injury and then later the injury became a good excuse.  I had suggestions of removing the shoulder roll from my form and I could have done that but honestly, it would have just been another excuse so I decided to power through this.  Last week I started to add them in my form but that did not turn out so good.  I ended up with a bruised shoulder and hip.  Hmmm, I must not be doing something right.  So Thursday, I got rid of the weapons and started at the basics.  I kept barrel rolling over and over and that was when Sifu Lindstrom came by to help.  He did not judge me, he just started with the basics and helped to show me where I was going wrong.  By the end of the night I was doing a shoulder roll instead of a barrel roll.  They were not great but better.  At least now I have the techniques so I can keep working on them until I improve.


In Lau Gar, Sifu Hayes showed me how the techniques could be used in real applications.  That always helps me because I like to know the why.  Mr. Sollinger has done the same with my weapons form (which he created, it is such an awesome yet challenging form!).  This allows me to focus on intent when I am doing the forms.  It is no longer just a block, but a "block the leg, use the momentum to follow through and strike the torso".  Mr. Sollinger also helped me modify his form so I can do a shoulder roll on my good shoulder instead of doing it on the bad one.  If I'm going to do this, I might as well be smart about it (and honestly, it still makes me scared but practice and time will help with that).


These are just three examples of help that I received recently.  Sometimes I had to ask for it but most times it was "can I give you a suggestion?".  If you ever hear those words, shout "Yes please!" and start to absorb the knowledge you are about to receive.  I have singled out these examples but they were not the only ones that occurred these last few weeks.  Things that were directly spoken to me and even more, the things that were spoken to others.  There is always help around you, sometimes you need to ask for it, and then you need an open mind to absorb what is being given.


See you on the mats!

Worst Day Ever?

“Worst Day Ever?” by Chanie Gorkin

Today was the absolute worst day ever

And don’t try to convince me that

There’s something good in every day

Because, when you take a closer look,

This world is a pretty evil place.

Even if

Some goodness does shine through once in a while

Satisfaction and happiness don’t last.

And it’s not true that It’s all in the mind and heart

Because

True happiness can be obtained

Only if one’s surroundings are good

It’s not true that good exists

I’m sure you can agree that

The reality

Creates

My attitude

It’s all beyond my control

And you’ll never in a million years hear me say that

Today was a good day

*Now read from the bottom to the top*

 

Your attitude is all about your perspective. A friend recently sent me this poem and I wanted to share its important message.

 

Chanie wrote this poem for a school assignment when she was 16 years old. Her teacher had asked the class to write about their ‘worst day ever’.

Can one person change the world?

“We but mirror the world. All the tendencies present in the outer world are to be found in the world of our body. If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. This is the divine mystery supreme. A wonderful thing it is and the source of our happiness. We need not wait to see what others do.” – Mahatma Gandhi


I loved this quote and the more times that I read it, the more that I ponder its meaning.  Sifu Brinker has stated many times "look in the mirror and see the REAL you and then let others see that you".  Make sure the person you show others is the real you and then you can work on things that you want to make better.  By changing ourselves to be better, to work on mastery, we become the person that others now notice and even may want to emulate.


One major thing that I have gained through Kung Fu is awareness.  Awareness of things around me and the things within me.  It has shown me things that I need to work on and it has made me a better person.


So can one person change the world? According to Gandhi, it all starts with one person.  Will that one person be you?
See you on the mats!

I get knocked down ....

But I get up again....

If anyone  continues singing that song then they are in the cool group. And when I say the cool group, I mean the older than 30, OK maybe even older than 40 group.

Age has definitely taken a toll this last week as I laid in bed recovering from a cold.  For two days I did not leave the bed and for the remaining week I’ve stayed home under the covers lucky to be able to work remotely and rest when needed. And as we get older our bodies definitely take longer to recover from any type of illness or injury but as long as we take care of it were able to get back up and continue on.

The biggest problem I had with staying in bed, was knowing that my numbers were starting to slide because the previous week I was so on track.  Today was the first day that I was able to get some sit ups and push-ups in and it felt good.  Not all of them but a start.  The one good thing that I see about this sickness is it was like hitting a brick wall. It stopped me in my tracks for a little while but the momentum is still fresh in my brain so it’s easier to pick up. In previous years it was the gradual decline of those numbers that was harder to recover from.  I am hoping that this will allow me to start a pace to recover those numbers and continue forward but it sure is frustrating missing a week right at the beginning.


Mr. Sollinger - I can't tell you how much I missed this week of working out!



Here are my numbers as of today:
PU 2030, SU 2155, AOK 65, Hand Form30, Sparring 22, Weapon at 11 

See you on the mats!!!

Are you too old to make a difference?

Tuesday night started off as a normal night.  It was cold out, roads were bad, I was late at work, rushing to meet my friend for supper so we could go listen to Eva Olsson.  Sifu Sharida Csillag had put out a notice earlier on Kwoon Talk that Eva Olsson - a holocaust survivor, was speaking in Stony Plain and tickets were free.  I figured "why not", it sounded pretty cool.  As we entered the packed venue, I noticed how many children, teenagers, and families were attending.  My friend and I sat chatting to people we knew and waited for Eva to arrive.  Then the night changed.

Eva Olsson, a 94 year old spry woman, explained how she began to talk about her past because of her grandchildren.  She was 72 years old when she did her first speech to her grandchildren's school.  This was the first time she publicly spoke about what had happened to her.  We listened as she talked about how she was raised, then how she lost all her family except her sister while in Auschwitz and Bergen-Belsen camps.  How she lived in brutal conditions and was so close to death so many times but her primary message was on how we need to love our children and protect them from bullying and racism.  That these traits are taught and that these cycles can be broken.  It was how we need to show love and not hate, no matter what happens to you.  Eva was a very powerful speaker and I sat there mesmerized as she talked.  I cried as she described how many children were killed and the ways that it occurred.  How they never had a chance and she felt she needed to be their voice.

How can a 94 year old spend her time speaking a schools and events just to get the word out about love and acceptance?  She started all of this at 72 years old!  Most people at that age are well into retirement and slowing down, not starting a journey like she has.  Suddenly my age has become irrelevant. Is anyone too old to start a journey?

Being part of the I Ho Chuan, we are challenged to do 1000 acts of kindness (AOK).  After listening to Eva on Tuesday, I wondered why this should even be a challenge.  Spreading love and kindness to others can break cycles.  Eva is a single person who was able to stand up and make a difference, just think what our school can do if we all stand up and do AOKs, to share acceptance, love and kindness with others.  The potential is limitless.  So what is stopping us?  

I would like to challenge everyone at Silent River to log Acts of Kindness and blog your numbers on this post.  Let's see how many as a school we can accomplish by the end of February.  Let's start a our own positive change!

Year of the Pig

We are 5 days into the year of the pig and there has already been some ups and downs.  The morning workouts are a great start to getting numbers in.  The first 2.5 days were strong and then when Simon got sick it threw a wrench into it.  I did not get my numbers in for the other 2.5 days and that was very frustrating but then the banquet happened in there and we all made it through that.  Woohoo!  Time to dig in and go harder!


Speaking of the banquet, watching the black belt candidates was really amazing this year.  This is the first year that I was so involved with their journey and everything that they did was very motivating.  As I stood watching them receive their black belts, I was so very proud of each and everyone of them, especially Simon.  It flashed me back to the first banquet we ever attended.  We were in the small hall and in the back so we didn't really get to see everything but even then there was a feeling in the air that you knew something big was happening.  Every year it got bigger and bigger as you started personally knowing the candidates and watching their journey.  Sitting back there on Saturday, I could also see the day when it will be my turn.  It is not a "if" but a "when".


Being part of the I Ho Chuan demo was awesome but the really amazing part was the Lion Dance.  It was a new experience and I can't wait to do this again.  We learnt so much but there is so much more to learn.  Working with Mr. Bjorkquist was a great experience and I am so thankful for all the help that he gave me.


Another amazing banquet moment was receiving the Travis Panasiuk award.  That was a great honour and I am very thankful for being chosen.  It is a little scary to be placed with such amazing previous candidates.  What I have learnt is don't be afraid to put your hand up, leading does not mean doing by yourself, and there is a great team ready to help each other.  We have such great leaders in our midst, don't be afraid to learn from them.


For everyone that was at the banquet, how many times did someone come up to you and thank you for something you have done?  I know we normally brush those compliments off but I want you to really think about what was said.  These are the moments that you have touched someone's life and you probably didn't even realize it.  This shows how much we can do for someone else without a lot of effort.  Imagine the difference that can be made if we made extra effort.  Remember this as we start recording our Acts of Kindness.


A HUGE thank you to everyone that set up and took down the banquet.  It felt very weird not being in the midst of all the action but it was amazing to see how well it was done.  You all did GREAT!  My family was very impressed with the banquet and many want to come back and watch it again.  It always amazes me to the level of commitment and support that this team and school can do when it pulls together.  Go Pigs!


See you on the mats!

Is it really a mountain?

This weekend was nothing as we expected.  We had a few bumps along the way.  These bumps are feeling like mountains to my kids.  It makes me wonder how do you help them prepare.  I have always tried to help them do critical thinking.  What is the problem, what are options to help solve it, what are other options now that you started thinking about solutions, what are the pros and cons and finally, what is your action.  So why do they see a mountain and freeze?  Is it experience and maturity?  Does life give you more items to compare so you know the difference between a mountain and a hill?

When I compare this to my training, I can see a role reversal from the above.  My kids will say “just do it” but sometimes I see a mountain ahead and instead of trying to figure a path around or over it, I am stuck staring up in awe.  As I write this I realize that experience is the most important thing.  It makes me understand why Sifu Brinker says “don’t talk, just do”.  That it is a mountain to you until you see something bigger.  It’s building that toolset which will help you attack that mountain in front of you.

I think that is the one benefit of being an older student, you know the mountain is ahead so you prepare today to be able to tackle it tomorrow.

See you on the mats!

Preparing for the Pig

I look at the year of the dog and it’s been so amazing even through the ups and downs.  So how does this allow me to prepare for the Year of the Pig?  I know that this year will be even more challenging as I need to work harder and cannot coast on previous accomplishments.  I went over my numbers and they were not where they should be so there is an easy area for improvement. The only things that I completed was distance and was on track for blogging catching up in sparring and AOKs but this does not mean I quit.  I need to work harder to finish this year stronger and have a consistent approach for next year which is only a few days away.  I need to blog those numbers!  I really am looking forward to seeing what this year brings!

Engaged or Complacent?

Lately I have had my patience challenged severely.  I admit there are times that it would be easier to be complacent and stop being engaged.  Every day, and sometimes every minute I have to ask myself if I am doing what is right and being patient OR have I just accepted mediocrity and ignored what is happening around me.

This can also occur in our training because every day it is a fight to make sure I am engaged and giving my best.  It easy to just go through the motions instead of really looking at what you are doing and why.  I thought it would get easier as I advanced in the ranks but that has proven just the opposite.  It is easy to fall back on the things we know and have done.

To me, this is mastery.  It’s not  “picking your battles” but mindfully trying to do your best. Accepting when you have slipped and trying to understand what caused it.  Its knowing that you will be challenged and you will not always succeed but you learn more from those times if you let yourself.  It's being able to become more proactive than reactive, and "let the experience be like the planting of seed within you - with nourishment, it will grow into your own individual mastery".

See you on the mats!

A Year in Review

This year was challenging and rewarding.  I have spent quality time with my children while we participated in many of the seminars.  I was able to be chauffeured to I Ho Chuan while the boys were in the front, singing and talking.  The boys were always encouraging while I was putting together my form.  “Have you tried this?” or “What are you trying to do with that move?” I was lucky to watch both boys grow and change over the year.  I have gained consistency in my training (the morning workouts just add to that).  I have overcome mental blocks and have become more self aware of my attitude and my actions.  I completed a 10K run and want to do another.  I took the kids up a mountain in awful weather and we have stories to tell about it.  I learnt sanshou, yoga, tai chi, meditation, lion dancing, and so much more.  I have had awesome mentors and instructors as well as great training partners.  I was able to train and learn from exceptional grading candidates.  I have made new friends and strengthened existing relationships.

As for challenges, I continue to rebuild my shoulder.  I may have continued to do my requirements but at times I didn’t record them so they didn’t count.  I had a set back from a sparring injury that has finally recovered.  Our family was all affected when Simon was dealing with his anxiety attacks and he continues to learn how to cope with these.  

The best part of this year though was my ability to look back at my year through my journaling.  I had forgotten so much of the ups and downs.  At the beginning of the year I was a blue belt that wasn’t sure what I wanted to do.  I am now a brown belt who is excited for the time when I get to grade for my black belt.  Who knew a year could make so much of a change.  My ask of you is to go back and read all your blogs again.  May you find some hidden surprises like I did.

See you on the mats (and in year of the pig)!

Intent

Last week we were asked to focus on intent while doing our Kung Fu. I needed to work on this area more than what I was expecting once I started to be mindful of it.

At work I have been concentrating on "where am I and what am I doing" but the last few days I have added "what is my intent for this 15 minutes?" and this has been improving my focus.  I use the "where am I and what am I doing" as a tool to catch myself when distracted and bring my attention back but by adding the "what is my intent for this 15 minutes?" it gives me direction and purpose.  If I use more than 15 minutes, it is too easy to let something else become the priority.  Any less time and I cannot complete a task.

Let’s talk about distractions..... I do not multitask well.  I am easily distracted so I need to focus on one thing and do it well and then move onto the next.  I am an auditory learner.  So this means when my thoughts are racing around in my head, I will try to talk them out to get them organized and bring them into some kind of logical plan.  So it should come as no surprise that my team has given me squirrel posters, they know how to distract me when I start bugging them about vacation hours, and they have bets on how long I can keep our team meetings on track.  Now that being said, I have an awesome team that works well together and really does support each other.

Using Kung Fu techniques at work has helped me tremendously this last year and I know that I will be pulling on these more as the year proceeds.  We always talk about how we can bring Kung Fu into our everyday lives but I want to talk about how we can bring our everyday things into Kung Fu.  I know that I am easily distracted so during class I have been trying very hard to make sure my attention is dedicated to my Sifu and my lesson.  I am trying to be aware of events or actions that may trigger a response (mental, emotional, etc) and ask myself "why is this happening, does this happen outside of the kwoon, and what can I do to change it".  We all have things that we bring into the kwoon but it is how we deal with these that makes the difference.  I am using opportunities in the kwoon to improve self-awareness and work on things I need to change and this becomes easier when I think of intent.

The Mental Game

This holiday season has me reflecting back on my Kung Fu journey.  Where I am, where I came from, and where I want to be. The biggest challenge I see for me on this journey has been and will be the mental one.  I know that I am a very competitive person who wants to do her best and does not like to do things poorly.  I do not like to be unprepared.  I remember once when I did a forms session to learn Kempo II and during the demo portion I forgot ALL OF IT.  I blanked out, turned red and just bowed to finish.  Although I did not get any negative feedback from the Sifu's, I did not watch the demo video afterwards and would rather forget about the experience then learn from it.  I started to feel these same feelings while watching the last lion dance practice.  I was very disappointed in my performance and initially I wanted to ignore it and "just try harder next time" but I know that will not solve anything so I am reviewing the video over and over, looking for the things that I did not like and understand why I don't like them.  I am looking at it with an analytical eye instead of a judgemental one.

"You must be able to correct yourself without invalidating or condemning yourself, to accept results and improve upon them." This is a very hard concept when I have high expectations of myself but I am learning to accept my results and work to improve them.  This is really the only way to continue to grow.   

See you on the mats!