Making Connections

The Kinsmen Christmas Hamper event was a great opportunity to make new connections!  I had the opportunity to meet many of the Todai's and their parents during the announcement of the event. 

Doing my shift at the Red Apple with Todai Khawas was the best part of the entire event.  Todai joined Silent River close to the time that the Kwan Yin Healing Project was taking place.  I explained how the folding of cranes, flowers and notes were helping me when I was in the hospital getting my bone marrow transplant.  I showed him a picture of the Lego Lion that I got in the hospital and of course it was also with pictures when I had no hair.  I explained how it was Kung Fu that helped me get better and heal.  He shared all the things that he liked about Kung Fu and it was a pleasure to get to know him better.

A few days later, as I was walking into the kwoon, he stopped me outside to tell me about his class.  That was the highlight of my week!  Making this connection with Todai Khawas wouldn't have happened without Silent River Kung Fu and his engagement in The Kinsmen Christmas Hamper.  I look forward to making that connection stronger and building new ones.

Pushing limits

Yesterday we did spinning kicks to the spine in our class. Now, if we were fighting two year olds, I might stand a chance and those mirrors are so humbling.  What my mind thinks I should do and what my body actually does is a “little” off but I’ve gotta keep trying.

Last night I woke up in the middle of the night with aching hips and knees.  Not bad pain, just enough to wake you up and my first thought was “that pain is earned”.  It’s been over 3 years since I threw that kick, almost 3 years since I did that amount of kicks.  Three years is A LOT of time but yet it has passed so quickly.  These years have allowed me to keep pushing limits but in a safe way so that I only had a good ache and not real pain and next time I will get a bit higher in that kick.

I am in I Ho Chuan

The I Ho Chuan program is about mastery of Kung Fu.  I’ve been in the program for over 8 years yet it wasn’t until this week when I realized how I’ve been doing it wrong this entire time.  

Lately I have been doing so well with some of my personal requirements: Tai Chi, yoga, exercise classes, meditation. All my requirements are moving forward and I was happy, basking in those accomplishments. 

I would celebrate the areas that I was doing well in and glaze over the areas that I was failing.  My philosophy at work was to have your strengths so strong that they overshadow your weaknesses.  I took this philosophy into my Kung Fu but guess what?  That is wrong!

This mindset means I am not looking critically at all my requirements. I am accepting “Good Enough” and saying it’s mastery. I can come up with many reasons why I have not reached all my numbers, but those reasons are just excuses.  

Without looking at ALL my requirements, especially the mandatory ones, I am not approaching them mindfully.  I may be improving but I am not embracing mastery if I don’t develop and implement a plan. I need to be honest with myself and not accept “Good Enough” if I want embrace the true purpose of the I Ho Chuan program.  Now the advantage of the I Ho Chuan program is it gives me the ability and confidence to reset and start again. I have finally found a routine that is working for me so this week I will expand it to mindfully focus on my push ups and sit-ups.

Numbers

Pushups (equivalent) - 7,330

Sit-ups (equivalent) - 2,680

Kilometers - 1410.8

Weapons form - 248

Hand form - 320

Sparring - 65

AOK - 2055

Piano - 1/50

Tai Chi - 46.5/50

Yoga - 38/50

Meditation - 24/50

Practice makes better!

Last week I started to speak to our classes about the Kinsmen Christmas Hamper.  It definitely started out rocky but by day 2 it was easier and the other days even better.  I really haven’t spoken like that for years now and boy was I out of practice but as Sifu Brinker says the more you practice your vocabulary, the better it will become.  I definitely got better but I have a  long way to go.

Why am I doing this?…as of tonight we have 5 people signed up that are not related to the IHC team.  That’s 5 more than last year!  Can’t wait to see what this week brings.

Numbers

Pushups (equivalent) - 7,220

Sit-ups (equivalent) - 2,620

Kilometers - 1380.5

Weapons form - 240

Hand form - 310

Sparring - 65

AOK - 2015

Piano - 1/50

Tai Chi - 45/50

Yoga - 36/50

Meditation - 22/50

Increasing endurance

I can tell my exercising and training is paying off.  Last weekend I played pickleball for 2 hours with no breaks.  When I started in September, I needed a break after every match.  Last weekend I could have used a break but I powered through.  This week I enjoyed having a break but I didn’t need it and was excited to continue.

It helps motivation when you can see improvements like that and I owe it all to small consistent steps.

Ramblings of the week

This last week has been busy between home and work.  I will be missing 4 exercise classes, a Tai Chi class, and my black belt class.  Missing class upsets me because I am missing out on that day's learning.  Missing class also means that my daily Kung Fu training has also suffered and that too makes me upset. It was not long ago when I had to drag myself into class, honestly all classes except Tai Chi.  It was because I had so much work to catch up on as well as dealing with fatigue.  So being upset now actually makes me happy because I am no longer dragging myself into class.  It is not a chore, it is what I choose.  

When I got my blackbelt, it was emphasized that this is a journey, that it is just the beginning and not a goal.   Immediately moving into cancer treatment gave me little time to sit and embrace reaching my blackbelt milestone.  I had to take a breath and keep moving forward on a journey that was like no other.  Looking back on it today, I still don't understand how I did it.  My Kung Fu journey gave me the strength to keep moving forward and it has shown me how everything in life can relate to my Kung Fu training.  Those are the things that I hold most dear.

This week I was also involved in a small inperson group meditation and it was amazing.  The feeling of energy, of chi moving not only through myself but within others was enlightening.  Working on energy training is a new area of Kung Fu that I am excited to improve.

That being said, there will be little change to my numbers but I refuse to stop trying.  

Numbers

Pushups (equivalent) - 7,220

Sit-ups (equivalent) - 2,620

Kilometers - 1323.8

Weapons form - 240

Hand form - 310

Sparring - 65

AOK - 2015

Piano - 1/50

Tai Chi - 45/50

Yoga - 36/50

Meditation - 22/50

Failures and Successes

As per my previous blogs, I was taking an exercise program through WellSpring for an hour twice a week to rebuild muscle and stamina.  That 12 week program has finished and I knew if I didn't schedule something immediately, I would lose the traction that I was obtaining so I am now in a maintenance program.  This is still twice a week for an hour at a time but there is less time committed to stretching and I needed to pull out of my yoga class as it was a conflict.  

Although I am building muscle and cardio, I miss the stretching.  I need to figure out how to incorporate that now into my days.  But this year has shown me that it is all about priorities and if it is a priority, then I need to figure out how to fit it in.  Now that being said, I also realize that to be sustainable, I need to ensure that it is not a chore.  Something to get done or check off because those are the easiest to make an excuse NOT to attend.  

I am enjoying getting back my strength and improving each week but more than that, I realize what I need and how to do it.  That is a huge step from the beginning of this year and if it wasn't for all the things that I learned through failures and successes through my Kung Fu journey over these years, I know I would have quit a long time ago especially these last few years.  Kung Fu keeps me trying and learning from my failures.  Those are the things I need to succeed.

See you on the mats!

Oh, I also got my last live immunization so I am officially a two year old LOL.  I have been emailing Martina (my donor) and she took Kung Fu briefly but has been doing Judo for many years as well as she is a volunteer firefighter.  It's so cool that she has some of the same activities as here.

Numbers

Pushups (equivalent) - 7,220

Sit-ups (equivalent) - 2,620

Kilometers - 1286.8

Weapons form - 240

Hand form - 310

Sparring - 65

AOK - 1975

Piano - 1/50

Tai Chi - 45/50

Yoga - 36/50

Meditation - 20/50

I’m going to Germany!

Today I received the best news.  My bone marrow donor has released her information so we can now be in contact with each other!  She is 36 and from Germany.  I had almost given up hope as I filled out the paperwork in March but the timing is surreal.  

Three years ago in November I was told that if I didn’t get a bone marrow transplant, I would be lucky to live 3 years.  That means now every day is a bonus day and every day I work to improve so I don’t waste this precious gift given to me.

Practice removes the fog

Brain fog. It was one of the side effects of chemo but it also comes with age or brain injuries. It leaves holes in your thought processes and your memory.

There are still many forms that I have holes in and if I don’t repeat a form over and over other holes will appear but the positive is it is only holes.  This week as I practiced Da Mu Hsing I went further than I expected.  Once I filled in the missing stances, another section would appear until the next hole.

The one thing I know is that I can’t rely on my memory to fill in the holes, I need to practice and practice until that hole is no longer there.  Each repetition makes the hole smaller and smaller. 

If you are using your memory to fill in holes you might want to focus on repetitions.  You never know if brain fog could affect you.

Numbers

Pushups (equivalent) - 6,220

Sit-ups (equivalent) - 2,120

Kilometers - 1229.2

Weapons form - 228

Hand form - 290

Sparring - 52

AOK - 1075

Piano - 1/50

Tai Chi - 42/50

Yoga - 34/50

Meditation - 18/50

Where am I and what am I doing?

A lot has changed since I last posted and I have lost chunks of my journey by not posting AND I broke my promise to blog each week.  That means I have not been accountable and that weighs the heaviest on me so I my first step is this blog.

I am almost done my 12 week exercise course and I am just waiting to get onto a maintenance program.  Continued muscle growth is very evident but the good part of starting over is the ability to train your body to do things correctly.  My lunges are getting lower, my balance is improving and my cardio increases without the pain that I was experiencing before.  Sure I still have twinges in my knees and shoulder but I now know how to push these areas without doing damage so I can continue to build on them.  Between physiotherapy and my exercise program, I have eliminated my neuropathy and that is a huge win.  Now I have to start deepening my Kung Fu stances and keeping my centre low as I transition between stances.

I returned to work 5 days a week.  Having that extra day was a big change.  Exercising your mind is no different than your body.  You need to push it but also know how far to push it.  I still need to take the time to think about what I am saying and to prepare ahead of time.  This was evident on Thursday's meeting when I could not even speak about the Kinsmen toy drive.  I have to keep reminding myself to be kind and embrace the new me but continue to use the tools that help me be successful.

I started doing more energy work and have more success in maintaining energy flow instead of the glimpses I would get.  My 6 harmonies are coming together better but the biggest success is learning to listen to my body so I can catch when things are not inline and then figure out why.  Also I have been booking my 1-1s again which really helps keeping the momentum going as well. 

Numbers

Pushups (equivalent) - 6,020

Sit-ups (equivalent) - 2,020

Kilometers - 1208.6 

Weapons form - 225 

Hand form - 285 

Sparring - 50 

AOK - 1035 

Piano - 1/50

Tai Chi - 42/50

Yoga - 34/50

Meditation - 18/50

My Action Plan

Posting an old post I wrote.

 Last I Ho Chuan meeting we were asked to look at where we were, where we wanted to be,  and develop a plan and actions to get there.

I have found during these last few years that my motivation for self starting exercise has suffered.  I know that I want to improve but I struggle with doing it on my own. I know that I will attend something I have committed to so I have been signing up for online classes to keep consistent training.

Yoga, Tai Chi, and again I’m in an online exercise class. They give many different variations so you progress at your pace but you are doing it together.  At the highest level these exercises are hard.  Lunges, planks, bird dogs, bridges.  Activities that help build my strength and I have been pleased that most I can do at the highest level.  (Funny how you can do almost anything for 1 min intervals.) 

As summer is coming to an end, so are many of my online classes, so my action plan is to find more classes to build my strength and flexibility and have them in place BEFORE the others are done.

I Stained a Fence

 Over the last few weeks, I power washed and then stained our fence.  There were many things about this activity that benefited me especially by being mindful along the way.

1. I did it - it was not easy for me and I couldn’t get it done in one day but I dug in and completed the task.  No one helped, it was my task to accomplish. I listened to my body and took breaks when needed but I did not stop. The rain stopped me for a few days but I was anxiously waiting the next dry spell.

2. Job well done - like most activities that start with enthusiasm and excitement, once you get into it, you want to take shortcuts.  I caught myself a number of times wanting to “just get it done” and not cleaning a board appropriately but then I would take a break and come back at it with that starting enthusiasm.  

3. Made modifications as required - there were many times that I would feel sore but instead of powering through, I made modifications along the way. Changing how I would hold something to use different muscles, or bringing in a step ladder so I didn’t reach so high all the time, or limiting my up and down by doing larger sections.  Working within my body’s limits.

When you are mindful of any activity, you can learn many things about yourself and then you can enjoy the journey as well as the outcome.

Great week!

Another great week.  I was able to get back to class after our holidays and it was great to be back.

Tomorrow I get my first live immunizations and that is another big step moving forward.  Work has been going well.  My brain is another part of me that the more I exercise it, the better it gets.  Don’t get me wrong, when I don’t practice something over and over and OVER, I lose it.  This was evident with my butterfly swords form.  I THOUGHT I knew it until I tried to do it this week.  I forgot so much! The good news it’s coming back fairly fast.  It’s been very evident the different layers of memory and the repetitions that it takes to move those actions into a deeper memory layer.  Previously it would take less reps and I “thought” I knew it but the advantage that I have now is that I need to do more frequent repetitions so I never allow cobwebs to set in and I do know when I it’s solidified.

I have joined a different cancer exercise program and that starts on Wednesday.  I’m looking forward to it but I have a lot of work before Wednesday.  We are making space for Nate to move back home and that brings a lot of clutter to my exercise room.  I don’t deal well with clutter, I thought I did before but I was fooling myself.  The clutter is stressing me out but I will get through it.  It has made me downsize a lot of items.

Busy but great week!

Numbers

Pushups (equivalent) - 1220

Sit-ups (equivalent) - 820

Kilometers - 818.7

Weapons form - 150

Hand form - 165

Sparring - 40

AOK - 685

Piano - 1/50

Tai Chi - 33/50

Yoga - 29/50

Meditation - 12/50

Below the surface

This week Mike and I were on vacation on Vancouver Island.  There was lots of walks, kayaking, and enjoying being by the water.  The ocean was calm and in the morning it would have a glass like appearance.  It reminded me of my training. Although it may look like nothing is happening on the surface, below there are small changes occurring all the time.  Tides coming in or out that over time have large impacts.  Impacts that you don't see when you are sitting and watching for change.  Only by comparing at different intervals do you see differences.   This week I noticed more strength in my legs but I also noticed a marked increase in my neuropathy pain but that was due to the heat wave that we all were experiencing.  Still I am happy with the improvement that continues to occur week by week.  Although my numbers are low, they are slowly increasing with my focus being on walking, Tai Chi,  and Yoga.

Numbers

Pushups (equivalent) - 1200

Sit-ups (equivalent) - 800

Kilometers - 749.7

Weapons form - 145

Hand form - 145

Sparring - 40

AOK - 615

Piano - 1/50

Tai Chi - 32/50

Yoga - 28/50

Meditation - 11/50

A better week

 Last two physio appointments went very well.  Not sure there’s been improvement in my neuropathy but definitely able to walk downstairs better this week so that is a win.  

I was able to watch the Tiny Tigers and I was impressed with Sihing Brinker’s push up form so we chatted about it after class.  She asked me where I was at and I can’t even do a “let down” from my knees but I also haven’t been doing my wall pushups so how can I improve?  So I’ve been mindful of trying to do a controlled lowering when I do my cobra physio exercises.  Started with a few wall pushups a day and a few core reps.  Again little steps.

Also instead of mending a relationship, this year I am focusing on the people that I take for granted will always be around.  I spent a day with my high school best friend and even visited with her parents.  People who were instrumental in molding me to the person I am today and yet it was over 25 years since I’ve seen them.  I was lucky they were still around so we could have a visit.

Yesterday Mike and I met up with friends from our early years.  It’s been over 10 years since we’ve seen them last but it was like it was yesterday and now I’ve found out she’s going through her own cancer journey.  These are the relationships that I don’t want to take for granted so I need to put more energy into them and prioritize time with them.

So a good week!  Mentally and physically. Being on holidays definitely helps too 😊.

I will post my numbers later this week but wanted to get another blog out.  Little steps for consistency.

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Goods and Bads

 It’s been 2 months since I’ve blogged.  I let it slide and it just kept on sliding.  Now I need to stop the slide.  

Lots has happened in these last 8 weeks, good and bad.  I will start with the good.

Participated in the tiger challenge and I was happy with how I did.  It was a long day and I slept a lot after it but a great day.  

June 3rd I was able to ring the bell at CCI.  I’ve been transferred to the long term follow up.  I stopped my last immunosuppressant May 24th so I can start my live immunizations after July 24th.

Work has been going well and I am getting back to my regular routine faster than normal.

Today I participated in the Canada Day demo and it was great to be part of the group.  Everyone did amazing.

So on to the bad.  My numbers are atrocious and the little that I do, I have not been tracking them well.  Although being off of immunosuppressants is good, it has allowed for all the inflammation to show up, things that were also suppressed. My feet have been killing me even when I’m just sitting, my hips, calves and back are sore.

I have been doing yoga twice a week and Tai Chi.  This exercise has allowed me to have some normal movements.  I started physio to see if I can get my feet hurting less.  I have neuropathy and plantar fasciitis.  The first two sessions were great and I was so excited but then the neuropathy kicked in worse and we are back to square one.  Finding that balance between moving forward without aggravating the nerves.  

I am tired of being in pain and tired of not making any progress.  This is when the mental part of training is really needed and I am just exhausted and this overshadows the positives.  But at least I blogged.

My numbers have not really changed at all but here they are:

Numbers

Pushups (equivalent) - 1107

Sit-ups (equivalent) - 700

Kilometers - 340.7

Weapons form - 125

Hand form - 125

Sparring - 30

AOK - 485

Piano - 0/50

Tai Chi - 22/50

Yoga - 26/50

Meditation - 9.5/50

Cranes that keep on giving!

Yesterday was my second "birthday" since I received my new stem cells so last week I went back to the Foothills Hospital to visit with my previous doctors and nurses.  It was so great to see these people.  The biggest impact was chatting with my doctor.  He smiled and said "just so you know, those cranes are still in patients rooms".  They get passed from one patient to another.  

I got hugs from a lot of people and they were so happy to have a patient return.  I couldn't thank them enough for everything that they did for me and my family.  I will probably always be known as the "crane patient" and that makes me smile.  

So to all of you that made cranes and sent them to me, please know that act of kindness is still rippling down to other patients at the Foothills and still bringing light to patients who go through some very dark times.  It really proves that an act of kindness is similar to throwing a pebble into a pond.  The ripples can reach far and wide even if you don't see them.

I will be posting another blog with my numbers but wanted to send this out first.

Is Kung Fu my Passion?

Passion - a strong feeling of enthusiasm or excitement for something or about doing something.

Today I heard the question “Do you have passion for what you are doing?” and I started to think about my Kung Fu journey.  My first response was “of course I’m passionate about Kung Fu” but then I thought “why?”.

I love doing things with the team but I also love working on my own.  Knowing that I am accountable for me and my journey.  That it is my hard work that allows me to improve and move forward.

These last few weeks we have been learning butterfly swords.  It wasn’t too long ago that I was struggling to remember my old forms and now I have 3/4 of a new form down and I can’t wait to complete it.  I am excited to learn new things, I just know it takes more work now.  My weapons and hand form numbers are slowly increasing but if I added the reps for all the others forms that I am constantly reviewing to keep them solidified in my mind, the numbers would increase by four times.  

This week I committed to doing 50 (modified) pushups a day.  I’ve been trying to find a new way back to routine so I’m just starting off with baby steps.  Small consistent actions.  That being said, the last two days I’ve been over 15,000 steps so those were big jumps for me.

I’ve also stopped my last immunosuppressant a week ago and had my last scheduled follow up with my GP on Friday.  My doctor commended me on my motivation.  On wanting to get back to work and back to some normalcy.  I knew I couldn’t have done it without my Kung Fu.

So how do I know Kung Fu is my passion?  I’m excited everyday to pick up my cane and my butterfly knives.  I smile when doing my reps of Tai Chi and forms.  I know my limits and how to keep pushing them.  I’m surrounded by like minded people who motivate and inspire and I love how it makes me feel.

Numbers

Pushups (equivalent) - 1107

Sit-ups (equivalent) - 700

Kilometers - 340.7

Weapons form - 105

Hand form - 100

Sparring - 30

AOK - 395

Piano - 0/50

Tai Chi - 14/50

Yoga - 10/50

Meditation - 5.5/50

Should I go faster or slower?

I joined the tiger challenge.  I'm excited and scared.  It's been over three years since I have competed last and a lot has changed since then but I want to give it my best and watch others perform as well.  Thanks to Sihing M. Ward and Sihing D. Bjorquist for including me on a team.  Its been so fun to work with them.

I am now able to do my hand form without needing to focus on each and every move.  Now as I train for the tiger challenge I found that I am trying to go faster with more force which you think would be good but I noticed that has become my focus and this is actually hindering my progression.  

I need to develop strength and to do that means I need to slow down my forms and focus on getting deeper in my stances and keeping my centre steady.  Although doing a form faster really gives a good cardio exercise, I need to focus on strength as well.  Does that mean I only do my form one way?  Absolutely not!  I need to bounce back and forth but be very clear about my intention during my form and not get stuck doing the same thing over and over.  Eventually there won't be such a gap between how my form differs from when I do it faster verses slower.

This was a tough week for my physically.  It was my second week back to work and already I am noticing that I am not taking the breaks that I need.  This was also the first week that I did not have a nap after work (usually I have a couple during the week) and I think was a few of the reasons why this week I was very tired and stiff and sore.   That being said, I was able to attend all my classes and more.  My focus this week has been on increasing my steps and ever lunch break I either did Yoga or went for a walk.  Even when I am sitting and watching TV, I try to stretch out my hips and shoulders.  Just small steps but they work.  Even though I increased my steps, I had a few days that my feet didn't hurt in the morning.  I will take that win.  

I can't tell you how great it is to be back on the mats!

Numbers

Pushups (equivalent) - 807

Sit-ups (equivalent) - 652

Kilometers - 291.4

Weapons form - 85

Hand form - 90

Sparring - 20

AOK - 360

Piano - 0/50

Tai Chi - 12/50

Yoga - 9/50

Meditation - 5.5/50

Harmonies and Progression

 

During class this week, we were asked to do our form without an arm.  I could not even do the first move.  How could one change throw me into total shutdown?  It shows that although I know the moves, I haven't really thought of which sides does what.  I have separated my top half and bottom half during training but never separating right and left.  I don't think at this time I could make it through a form without an arm but it does have me concentrating on my right and left which was the focus of the exercise.  Connecting our harmonies.

Saturday was my first open training in over 2 years.  It was nice to see how many people were there.  It was good working with Sihing D Bjorquist and Sihing M Ward.  It was great seeing how everyone has progressed over the years.  This is just the start of returning back to by pervious normal.  In a week I will be off of my last immunosuppressant and then 3 months later I will be able to start receiving my live childhood vaccinations (measles, chickenpox, etc).  Once I get those started, I am actually released from my Bone Marrow Transplant team and moved to long term where I will only need to go to CCI once a year.  Still seeing progression every day!

See you on the mats.

Numbers

Pushups (equivalent) - 757

Sit-ups (equivalent) - 602

Kilometers - 258.8

Weapons form - 65

Hand form - 66

Sparring - 15

AOK - 327

Piano - 0/50

Tai Chi - 11/50

Yoga - 8/50

Meditation - 5/50