Accepting frustrations

Yesterday was a frustrating day and it carried into my Kung Fu.  In Tai Chi, I couldn’t feel my chi.  My centre was high, there was no flow.  I fought each move but worse was that my mind kept wandering.  I would notice and think “where am I, what am I doing?”  but a few minutes later it was off on its own again.  Our class was not much better.  It left me wondering why I couldn’t keep my focus.  

At first I was mad at myself which just made things worse. Then I thought about it and accepted the fact that I have a lot going on right now and that will spill over.  “Accepting” means I’m not beating myself up over this but it does not excuse future actions. I removed the guilt, resulting in a better today.

I need these frustrating moments to practice my coping strategies because right now they are pretty minor.  They will become tougher down the road, and just like anything in KF, if you don’t practice your skill, you will lose it.

See you on the mats!

Ego and Injuries

Everyone will end up with an injury sometime in their lives and you must modify your activities while you recover from an injury.  So why does it seem so much harder when training?  Although I want to be in class, I feel like I may be distracting to my training mates.  I am not giving my 100% on the class lesson so should I really be attending?  Am I going to learn anything if I can't do the class?   It all has to do with my ego.   My ego is worried about what others are thinking, that I am being judged, that I am not good enough.  My mind is powerful, with positive thoughts and negative ones.

This year has proven how wrong my ego is.  If I didn't train when I had an injury, I would have lost most of the year.  I would have been out of many classes, sitting on the bench instead of doing what I could.  Sometimes I am at the back of the class and sometimes I am doing modifications in class but I need to give 100% effort on the activities that I can do.  That is the difference! If I try to make it "look" like I'm doing the activity but with no effort, what is the benefit?  I am only fooling myself.

But injuries are also the best breeding grounds for mediocrity.  Injuries give permission to modify, rest, recover and it is easy to use these as excuses.  I get frustrated training after an injury because of all the progress that has been lost.  It is easy to let that frustration take over.  My ego thinks I should be able to come back to where I was but that is unrealistic.  Every day that I don't train, is a slip downwards.  A week off is a major set back so I need to find other ways to train, that way if I am slipping in one area, I am still progressing in another.   But that can lead to mediocrity as well, I can always be looking for a workaround instead of pushing myself as the injuries heal.  Training with injuries can let my ego open the door to mediocrity so I must stay mindful always.

See you on the mats!

Zen questions

 

• What is Zen? : Webster defines Zen as a Japanese sect of Mahayana Buddhism that aims at enlightenment by direct intuition through meditation or a state of calm attentiveness in which one's actions are guided by intuition rather than by conscious effort.  Pirsig describes it as a lack of division between your physical, emotional, and mental activity.  When you are in harmony with your body, your mind, your soul.

• Explain and comment: The truth knocks on the door and you say, “Go away, I’m looking for the truth” and so it goes away. - You can be so focused on finding something that you cannot see the obvious in front of you and you disregard it, not realizing that this is what you are looking for in the first place.  Because you are not expecting it, you disregard it even though its what you are looking for.  You must remain open and receptive to ensure that you are able to recognize and appreciate everything around you. 

• What is a Chautauqua? A traveling story told by a story teller to enrich the audience’s mind and entertain the listener.  In Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, the Chautauqua is the story of the author and his path on recovering his former personality that was wiped after medical treatments.

• Who is Phadrus? (historically and in the book) - According to litcharts, “Phaedrus, is named after an Ancient Greek Sophist who appears in Plato’s Socratic dialogue Phaedrus." Phaedrus in Greek translated to Wolf.  Phadrus (or Phaedrus) in the book is the prior personality of the author that was wiped away by court appointed medical electric shock treatments when he was a young adult “suffering” from mental illness.  Phaedrus was a genius and a philosopher.  Throughout the book, Phaedrus’ personality returns back to Pirsig. 

• What does Pirsig have to say about:

◦ dedication - Someone is not dedicated to something that has absolute belief.  They are dedicated to something that they believe in but there can be doubt like religious or political views.

◦ Kant - All knowledge comes with experience but not out of experience.  We can use a priori to sense objects from previous experience.

◦ gumption - It is a person that does not sit and think about things.  They do things, they take action.  The person is self aware.

◦ perception - “Thou art that” meaning that there is no division between how you perceive yourself and how you perceive your outside world.  The two are one and by understanding that it allows for a greater understanding of both yourself and the perception you have on the outside world.

◦ blockages - this was caused when you were overwhelmed by the bigger picture or by already perceived thoughts.  The only way to break dow the blockages was to focus on a simple, singular task or brick and then start.  Once the single task was accomplished, you could branch out and expand as required.

• What is the real University?  The real University is more than the books and buildings that the subjects are taught in.  It is the knowledge and content, the wisdom.  The things that are able to exist without the physical constants of the physical building.  It would exist even if there was no buildings or texts as long as someone was able to continue the knowledge and wisdom onto others.

• What is a priori? “Aspects of reality that which are not supplied immediately by the senses”.  Examples are time or space.  You can’t see it, touch it, feel it but it is there.  You know it is there.  To me, Chi and energy would also fall under this category.  

• What is the difference between classical and romantic understanding?  Classic understanding focuses on the underlying details of a concept where the romantic understanding deals with feelings, looks, the senses.  The classic understanding is the logic, the rules, the details of an item.  A paint by number would be a classic example where Bob Ross painting would be a romantic example.  Although our Kung Fu has underlying Classical components, it is the Romantic part that allows someone to be a Martial Artist.  

• What is the real purpose of scientific method? It makes sure that you do not assume things causing you to go down the wrong path and thus come to the wrong conclusions.  The purpose of scientific method is to use deductive and inductive reasoning to find solutions to a problem in the quickest amount of time possible.  Both solutions (deductive and inductive) would come to a resolution but would take an extreme amount of trial and error as you work through each possible solutions.  By using both methods, you can remove possible solutions without needing to work through them, therefore decreasing your effort and time.

• What is “The Church of Reason? Pg 151 - Phaedrus explained that a church may be a building but the teachings of the church is not limited to that building.  This was the same with knowledge.  It did not come from a specific place, like a University that was a set of buildings.  It was gained from many places.  Textbooks, scholars, etc.  The focus is on knowledge, not on the building or the institution that supports this knowledge. 

• What is Quality?  Phaedrus had a hard time describing quality and his path to identifying it is the foundation to the entire book, it was what caused his spiralling into a blackhole before he was admitted to hospital to undergo shock therapy.  As Pirsig goes through recalling his Quality journey, it allows for Phaedrus to come back through memories and fragments coming together.  Prisig knew it was when something is better than something else but could not identify the characteristics that defined what “better” was.  He spent many years thinking about it.  It caused him to circle over and over on the subject, objective verses subjective, romantic verses classic, mind or matter.  Even the Oxford dictionary states Quality is “the standard of something as measured against other things of a similar kind; the degree of excellence of something” but how it’s measured and what it is measured against is all subjective, it is in the eyes of the beholder.

• Use climbing a mountain as an analogy to learning Kung Fu - I have a few issues initially with this analogy as you need to be prepared to climb a mountain.  You need to ensure you are physically in shape, have the correct gear,  plan your path ahead of time, know where physical constraints (water sources, cliffs, etc).  If I had to do all this before joining Kung Fu, I am not sure if I would have walked onto the mats.  Also I see climbing a mountain as having a final destination where learning Kung Fu is a life long event.  I guess Kung Fu could be a very LARGE mountain.  Now that being said, there are many similarities and that is what is what I will use for the analogy.  First you need to make the decision do it, either starting up the mountain or joining Kung Fu.  Once that decision is made then you need to start doing something.  Taking a step at a time.  The quickest way is to follow the paths that others have laid out ahead of you.  Understanding where others have succeeded and failed in the past.  You need to know your limitations and how to work within those limitations to continue the progress upwards.  There will be times that you will need to back track and reevaluate your path.  There will be times when things do not go as expected, things break down.  There will be times that you question why you are doing this but then you will reach a place that is breath taking.  A place that you know only a few people in the world have ever reached and it makes all the work that you have done worth it.  It reinvigorates you to keep going,  You meet like minded people along the trail, people who give you advice and ones that you will advise, both done done in a positive manner with only success in mind. The journey allows you to appreciate what is around you, what you have been given.  It challenges both the body and the soul but comes with the greatest rewards as well.  

• What is the difference between an ego climber and a selfless climber?  An ego climber is one who is doing their actions for their own purpose.  They do not have an issue with stepping on others to progress. They are centred on how things impact them.  A selfless climber is also climbing upwards but will never use someone for their own advancement.  They advance by helping others and learning along the way.  They look to see how things benefit the larger group which may or may not directly benefit them but they know it will benefit them in the long run.  The selfless climber has to find that balance to make sure that they do not get caught in a “helping”mode which could impact their progression.

• What is the difference between a good mechanic and a bad mechanic? The biggest difference between the two is Investment.  A good mechanic is invested in their work and goes the extra mile to make things are done right.  They understand what they are doing or will gain that understanding if they do not know.  A bad mechanic is one that just does what the manual says to do.  They do not feel, listen, or are invested in the work that they do.

• What effect does “peace of mind” have on outcomes?  When Peace of Mind is accomplished, it allows for the melding of your mind into your surroundings.  You are at total peace with yourself and everything around you.  In this state, it allows you to embrace your surroundings and amplifies all actions that are occurring within it.  This allows for better results when you are doing a task by being more aware of the task and the actions that are needed to accomplish it. There are no distractions, you are in the moment, therefore Peace of Mind improves your outcomes with greater quality.

• What is the best way to teach Kung Fu?  The best way to teach Kung Fu is to first make sure you understand and appreciate the history of Kung Fu and where our teachings have come from.  This will enable you to be humble as you interact with students.  Second you teach by example, showing respect, doing Kung Fu. If you want a student to learn and have it stick, you must let them have their own path with gentle guiding.  It’s like seeing someone handling, one by one, all the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle whose solution you know, and you want to tell him, ``Look, this fits here, and this fits here,'' but you can't tell him. Even with gentle guiding, he  may wander blindly along one trail after another gathering one piece after another and wondering what to do with them.  You must trust that the pieces will fall together and show his picture, his path which will then be his own. 

• What is the best way to change the world?  The first step to change the world is to do something.  Find something that you are passionate about (or that interests you) and then take an action.  Make sure you have unbiased knowledge on your topic;.  Then spread the word.  Blog about it, talk about it, get others involved.  Realize that every action or inaction has the ability to change the world, for good or for bad, so you need to be aware of that as well.

• Comments. One of Pirisg’s quotes that really impacted me was “For every fact there is an infinity of hypotheses. The more you look the more you see.”  This has become very evident this year while training for Kung Fu.  Each time I discovered details on my movement, my reactions, my actions it showed ten more things for me to now investigate.  Instead of coming to a spot where I feel I have learnt something so throughly that there is nothing left to learn, by having my eyes opened I now see how much more there is to learn with no ending in sight.  I embrace this learning.

A New Kung Fu Journey

November has brought many health challenges.  It started during the procedure when I was getting my skin cancer removed, I bled more then what they expected.  This surprised me as I have a lot of platelets (used to create clots).  They stated it was nothing to worry about but this added to a few other symptoms triggered me to talk with my hematologist.  After reviewing everything, she wanted me to go for a bone marrow.  This is where they go into your hip bone and take a small piece of bone and then take out a marrow sample (blood cells are created in your bone marrow) to see what is happening at the source.  Unfortunately my previous blood disease (polycythemia vera) has now changed to Myelofibrosis, meaning that the bone marrow is scarred so there is less room for cells. It also meant my procedure was more invasive as they could not get a lot of marrow and needed to do two bone samples.  

Results continue to come in fast which is leading to more tests and more appointments but it explains many issues that I have been dealing with lately like joint pain, fatigue, easy bruising, etc.  My hematologist has referred me for a Bone Marrow Transplant which means they will need to wipe out my current bone marrow with chemotherapy and maybe radiation, and then they will give me stem cells from a donor.  This will all be done in Calgary and I will need to be at Calgary for at least 3 months before I can be released home for more recovery.  Even before the transplant, it will take some time until they are able to find a suitable donor. 

So how does this relate to Kung Fu?  The process ahead of me is also part of my Kung Fu journey.  It will take time and with little steps I will continue to progress.  Without being aware and listening to my body, I would have missed these signs that have helped for an early diagnosis.  This awareness has come from being mindful with my eating, my activities, how I feel, all things that Kung Fu has helped me realize.  Without constant blogging, I will not be able to see the progression that I am making.  There are great resources available to me in my Kung Fu family.  Sifu Lagner has already reached out and I can't wait to learn from his experiences.   It will be a challenging road ahead for me and my family but Kung Fu has given us many tools for us to use to help navigate the road ahead.

I would like to share some things I have learnt so far that were interesting:

1) Adults - book an appointment with a public health nurse to review your immunizations.  I was behind in Tetanus, Pneumonia and Influenza B.  Don't forget your flu shot!  

2) Bone Marrow/Stem Cell Donor Bank - Most bone marrow/stem cell donors will come from "strangers". https://www.blood.ca/en/stemcells To join the registry you must be between 17 and 35, in good health, etc.  Once you register, they will send you a mouth swab.  That is all that is needed to be added to the registry.  For more information see https://www.blood.ca/en/stemcells/donating-stemcells/stemcell-eligibility-and-registration.  Most common way to harvest stem cells is through the blood.  They take blood out, filter out the cells they want and put the rest back into you. Joining does not commit you to donating.  

See you on the mats!

Nuggets of Gold

When we first learn, we reference documentation and resources constantly. As you gain more confidence, you refer less and less to these resources.  Then comes a point where you feel you have mastered it and no longer need to reference these materials.  

I have been using the Livestream videos to "refresh" my knowledge. I was planning on reviewing a specific portion of the video only because I "knew" the other portions.  Luckily I was using my phone so I couldn't just jump to where I wanted.  I soon found nuggets of gold in so many other areas.  "Am I missing that move?" "Do I connect my hips with my hands in that move?" "hmm, forgot about that total nugget!" and the list goes on.  

It is good to know information so you are confident and have it committed to memory but we should always review the original information with an open mind to recognize bad habits or missing sections.  I have experienced this many times outside of my Kung Fu videos.  Side effects of a medication I have been taking for 15 years, or doing an exercise mindlessly so its not as effective as intended.  If you want an example, take out your car manual, your phone manual, your work procedures and review.  You will find something that you either forgot, didn't really understand, or just didn't know. 

We are very lucky to have our Kung Fu videos as references and to have Ms Ward's table of contents so we know quickly where to review.  Unlike a car manual, these are only tidbits of information, there is more knowledge in our classes, from different Sifu's, from our past masters.  When these past masters are no longer with us, we lose that knowledge, that resource.  

Next time you are at the Kwoon 1) take a look at the altar and think about all the knowledge lost from our past masters that are now gone  2) have gratitude for the knowledge that is still with us, either learnt or to come 3) have a great class 4) reflect on what knowledge you learnt 5) cement that knowledge in so it is not lost and then 6) continually review your knowledge and make corrections.  Only then can we ensure our history is not lost as we continue to grow our knowledge.

See you on the mats!

Tiger Requirements

As I plan for the year of the Tiger requirements, I am finding these the hardest since joining the I Ho Chuan team.  I realize that I am not same person that started Kung Fu years ago, I am not the same person that started this year, nor am I the same person that woke up today.  My requirements are changing as I look deeper into the intent of what I am working to achieve as well as my potential to make these changes.  

One of the things on my list is learning to embrace my health issues.  I have lived with them, I have dealt with them, but my appointments were just hoops.  Things to check off to say "I'm fine, I'm conquering this" but chronic illnesses are not conquerable.  Diet, exercise, sleep, mental fortuity, meds, appointments and my medical team all play parts in keeping my illnesses controlled but I have not accepted the reality that these also make me who I am.  Accepting and embracing something is not a measurable requirement so I need to find tools to help obtain this. I am planning on using meditation and support groups but I also need to make sure these support my intent.

I am so appreciative for the successes and failures over the years as these have paved the path for where and who I am today.   As I look in the mirror tonight, I will thank the person that is there for she will be gone tomorrow yet she will always remain a part of me.  

See you on the mats!

Arggg!

We have been working on triangle stepping pattern this week and it is not flowing the way it should.  I thought it was because of my shoulder disrupting the middle of the form but as I was doing Lau Gar I noticed that my horse stance felt off.  No wonder my triangle stepping wasn’t flowing.  With more analysis (and videoing) I can see that I ALWAYS step forward on my horse stance so my feet are never aligned.  I thought I fixed that! WHY is it happening AGAIN!!! Arggg!!!!  I just want to cry!  

Okay, temper tantrum over.  I know I have a lot of work to do to fix this.  It was not cemented in before.  I have been trying to focus on flow and intent, was this wrong?  No, because it was during the practice of these that I noticed something not feeling right.  So now I need to find the right tool (starting with triangle stepping) to help me fix this and do REPS, REPS, REPS!

See you on the mats!

Out of Sync

 I was surprised how much I was knocked down after my surgery.  I knew I wouldn't be able to train for the week after but I thought I would be able to do all my mental activities but I couldn't even do those.  I also wasn't being honest with myself, I really thought I would be back to normal after the week off.  This is not the first time I have had procedures (nor the second, third or ...) but I continue to forget how much time you need to physically and mentally heal.  I did learn this time around NOT to go overboard and did ease myself back into a training so I wouldn't have a set back.  (I've had set backs before and it's even harder to recover from those.)  What really bothers me is that I have to DRAG myself to do any type of training.  It didn't help that I was not sleeping as I felt things starting to pile up as time ticked away, this made the next day even harder.  This cycle had to stop! So I am back to forms (still dragging myself to the mats but everyday will get better) and being happy with what I am doing, instead of worrying about what I am not doing.  

This is just a great example of when your expectations and reality are not in sync and how they can negatively impact your training and your life.  I am just happy to have the support to help me get back on track quickly.  

See you on the mats!  Tomorrow!!!

Removing Mediocrity

 Today I removed a number of apps that were not contributing to my path to mastery.  One was a game that I have been playing for years, yes years.  It was hard to delete something that I had invested so much time and money.  It was only a few minutes a day that I would use it but there was nothing that I was gaining.  It was not benefiting me in the slightest and I'm embarrassed to say that I knew I needed to remove it a long time ago but I just couldn't do it.  Today it was clear, mediocrity was me wasting precious minutes of my day doing nothing that had any benefit to me or to those around me.  Minutes that I will never get back.

Another app I deleted was one that I initially added when I was working to improve my memory (also a requirement for this year).  What happened was I lost the purpose of what I was trying to accomplish and found another addictive game and justified it as something that was satisfying my requirement.  I may have been needing to use logic to solve problems but it was something that I liked and was good at so I wasn't really going beyond my limits.  The best thing that has helped with improving my memory this year has been memorizing "Mastery".  At the beginning of the Ox year I did not even correlate the I Ho Chuan requirement as a tool for my personal requirement.  But like any tool, first you need to understand its application and then you actually need to use it properly.  It just took me some time to realize that there is more than one application for most tools. 

Kung Fu as a Distraction?

Tomorrow I go in for my procedure.  Am I nervous?  Just about the unknown.  Are they going to get it all in one appointment? Will I need a graft? How long will I be unable to train? That last one is a great distraction as I have spent a lot of today doing forms, physio exercises, board breaking practice, stretching, and so forth, keeping busy so I do not worrying about tomorrow.

But should Kung Fu be a distraction?  I use to think that it was.  It was a great outlet to release stress, to not think about work or other outside interferences.  I checked all my emotions at the door when I entered the kwoon, I was ready to learn Kung Fu.

This last year I realized that this was the wrong way to think.  It meant that Kung Fu was in a building, it was something to do like a hobby or a sport.  As I work on my mindfulness, I know that Kung Fu is so much more, it is integrated into all aspects of my life.  I find it in my work, I find it in my family, I find it in choices and decisions that I make.  

If I think of Kung Fu as a sport or a hobby it would be easy to quit when things get hard, but when I realize it is a lifestyle choice, then I have it as a tool to use when things get hard.  Was Kung Fu a distraction today?  No, it was a tool to allow me to worry about things that I can control instead of the things I can’t.

Can’t wait to be back on the mats!

Bad Sore vs Good Sore

 This week was a great example of bad sore vs good sore.

Wednesday we did break falls, grappling, shoulder rolls, and lots of rowing (that darn leek 😂). My knees and shoulder were sore before class and during class they downright hurt.  I was so upset, it was the first class in a very long time that I was just waiting for it to end.  I started doing modifications towards the end of class but I waited too long.  This is a bad sore, not because of class but because of what I did to get there.  I have been working on endurance and kicks and was over working my knees, my solution was Aleve.  I haven’t been drinking enough water. I had meat for supper the night before (only second meat meal in months).  All of these contributors caused the inflammation before class.  Class just inflamed it more.  Bad sore!

Then I had my physio for my knees on Thursday.  Not only was I getting more exercises to strengthen weak muscles but he was working to release the tightness in my quads that have been compensating.  With these released, it was easier to isolate the muscles that I needed to work on.  Those muscles are now sore but this is a good sore!  It’s because I am building strength not dealing with inflammation.

My physiotherapist asked what I wanted from physio.  “I want to keep all my parts as long as possible, I want to be mobile when I’m older, and I’m willing to put in the work needed to maintain that.  I know it will be a life long commitment and it will be hard work.”  His response “most people aren’t willing to work for the results” so I smiled and said “well I am”.  How is this relevant to the above?  It’s not just about working hard, it’s working hard with the right outcomes.  You need to aim for the Good Sore and realize which one is which.  Also I wouldn’t have been able to link my diet and water to this if I wasn’t logging everything.

Work smarter!  Log everything! 

Go-to’s

We all have our go-tos. Things that feel better for us, feel natural.  For me it is deflection verses blocking.  My natural instinct is redirection when possible.  Is this good or bad?  Being able to redirect and deflect is good, it’s becoming mine.  Being aware that something feels natural feels great, its a realization that all the training is coming together.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I do not like blocking but deflection is my first response. Why do I need to be aware of these natural progressions?   Because if I do not continue to work on blocking I won’t be able to use it when I need it.  I could fall into the habit of only using my go-to and that limits me drastically.  The less I use something, the quicker I lose it.

This is all about strengths and weaknesses.  I need to develop my strengths so my weaknesses become less relevant but I can’t ignore my weaknesses and hope they won’t be needed.  This is in all areas of my life.  Work, home, training.  For now I will celebrate the fact that I am developing my go-to of deflection.  Then I’m off to do forms to work on blocks.

See you on the mats!

The Benefits of Teaching

When you teach someone, it is both a humbling and rewarding experience.  Humbling because you will not know all the answers to the questions you will be asked.  And the best thing to do is admit that.  Find the answer or better yet, work on it together.  Kung Fu questions are not ones you can google, the answers are not in an ancient scroll somewhere (though finding an ancient scroll would be so awesome - understanding it would be even better but I digress).  Many questions will require you to do something over and over in slightly different ways to understand what is being asked much less the answer.  You need to help the student find those answers themselves, then they will retain that information  forever.  If you are told an answer, you will probably forget it. 

Rewarding!  You must be totally engaged when you teach someone.  You need to be present.  That attitude alone will have you soaking up information.  What?  You learn when you teach?  I have never learnt more about something until I am trying to teach it.  Everyone has something to teach so don’t let your ego blindside you by belt levels or ranks.  

One of the best things I can do for my engagement is to help someone else.  Remember that the key word is “help”.  As I said above, if you give someone the answers they won’t likely remember it tomorrow and the goal of teaching is to empower the student, not to prove how much you know.  If you want to feel more energized, more engaged, try teaching someone.

Tai Chi Influence

 If you have ever considered taking Tai Chi, just do it!  The benefits come in so many other places of Kung Fu.

  1. Let your hips lead you, not your hands- Recently I was reviewing a move in Long where my hands were not coming together at the same time.  I realized that I was leading the transition with my hands and not with my hips.  That simple change instantly fixed my issue. 

2. Don’t anticipate your next move, complete the move your on and THEN move forward. - This came up when I was focusing on Hung and my tendency to have a broken horse stance.  I was anticipating the transition and pivoting my foot which kept it splayed in the next move.  There are other things also at play but this is a major factor.

There are so many other benefits of Tai Chi.  It’s the first time I felt Chi, it’s helped lower my center, it’s helped with my balance because all those micro muscles get a work out but these two aha moments yesterday really showed how it benefits all my Kung Fu. 

(Level 1 will be starting up soon - just saying 😉)

See you on the mats!

Regaining my Balance

 This post will not be as positive as my other one today but both are valid since they are important in their own ways.

During our second degree class, I let the group know that I was struggling.  I have always admired those that have had the courage to show their problems, to be able to voice their fears along with their successes but yet I find it extremely difficult to voice my own struggles.  This month is filled with arbitrary deadlines both in Kung Fu, work and at home.  I have become panicked about Covid, knowing that I have a high chance of becoming sick but worse it could impact my surgery date.  All of these have simmered this month, slowly adding until it reached a tipping point.  The hard part is I did recognize I was struggling earlier and have been doing things to help (meditation, 1-1s, focused lists, etc) but it just was not enough.

There are so many thoughts circling in my mind: I have no right to complain, others have it worse.  Here I go whining again, people must be sick of hearing that.  It's all in my head, there is nothing to worry about.  How can I help others when I can't even help myself? I don't want to show any weakness.  I don't want to be a failure.  When I stop and evaluate, these thoughts are not the first things to let me know that I am struggling.  My first "canary" was my journaling.  It stopped!  When we try to find "root cause" at work, we ask "why" over and over until we reach the end.  So why did my journalling stop? Because I was not doing my foundational requirements.  Why? Because I changed my focus due to these arbitrary deadlines. Why? Because I need to prove myself.  Why?  Because I need to validate my spirit with my intent.  Why?  Because at work I am being told to do something that is unbalancing my spirit with my intent and I need to get that back in control. Why? Because when my spirit and intent are out of balance, there is a constant struggle while they are trying to resyc.  This is one root cause to my struggles but it is not the only one.  I know my mortality is also bugging me.  There is a friend issue also. All of these have stacked up and shifted my ability to maintain balance. 

Sifu Brinker said something today that really struck home.  Finding balance is like finding mastery.  You can come close to obtaining it but you never 100% get there.  I thought I had found balance and was relying on it to carry me instead of realizing that balance is always shifting, sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly.  I need to identify these shifts, understand why they are occurring, and take steps to compensate instead of only reacting after I have been thrown face first into the sand and never realizing what hit me.  Luckily I have great teammates, great family, great instructors, great mentors that will always help me get back up and hold my hand as I work to get my balance again.  Hopefully next time I can catch myself before it gets this far but only next time will tell.

Correcting my Centre

 Females have naturally lower centres of balance!   Well that may be for most females but it was not the case for me.  I always carried my centre high and I have worked hard in my stances to lower that centre.  I knew it was lowering but I wasn't sure of the progress until this morning.  During today's morning walk, I became mindful of how I was moving and noticed my gait was smoother, my hips moved easily and my transition from one foot to the other was steadier.  I realized all of this was because my centre of balance was lower without me having to think about it.  How did that occur?  Was it just because I had been working on it during my forms?  

The answer is yes and no.  Working on my forms helped show me how a lower centre felt especially during transitions.  In Tai Chi, when we "sit in our high chair" I focus on lowering my centre and feel it.  When we are working on our techniques and I notice my centre has creeped up, I stop, take a deep breath, lower my centre and continue on.  But Kung Fu extends beyond the Kwoon, during my morning walks I try to be mindful on my centring.  Before it would not be until near the end of the walk that a low centre felt natural.  Today it was at the beginning of the walk and it was now becoming my normal.

We are reminded of the 50,000 rule.  We need to do something 50,000 times for it to become routine, for it to be natural, for it to be cemented in.  But it must be 50,000 repetitions with the correct form.  This means that the first 100 all need to be extremely mindful, then the next 100, and so forth until you can do a few reps with correct technique without having to focus so hard on each one.  Eventually you can increase your reps between checkins and if you find that you have reverted back to old habits you are back to square 1, needing to be mindful of each and every repetition.  Even after 50,000 you need to make sure you are always checking in, being mindful, otherwise bad habits will form and you know where that leads.  Yep, back to square 1.

Over the years I have had many things to correct that are so basic.  Walking (how I place my foot when I move forward - I use to step toe first), breathing (I use to be a shallow fast breather, still working on slower deeper breaths), posture (my shoulders were always raised and hunched forward but now they are down and back) and my centre just to name a few.  All of these were brought up in Kung Fu.  Not because I was doing something so obviously wrong that it had to be fixed at that moment, it was because Kung Fu helps us correct.  "Correction is essential to power and mastery..... You must be able to correct yourself without invalidating or condemning yourself, to accept results and improve upon them."  There is always something for me to correct, something to improve upon and there alway will be. 

See you on the mats!

A good training partner!

This bog is a thank you to my training partner, Ms Ferris.  A training partner can change how you approach things, how you see things and that is what happened this week. 

Ms Ferris and I were training the other day and she made a comment about my control and power.  I was taken back a bit because I didn’t think of myself as someone with control or power.  I really just didn’t think about it.  During one of my techniques, I hit Ms Ferris in the chest, hard enough to hear it but not enough to hurt her (at least that’s my intention 😉).  That was when it hit home that I do have control and power, don’t get me wrong it’s a work in progress, but it highlighted the difference in our belt level training, things you don’t see during the slow progression as you move forward.  

The next surprise was when I was trying to go for one lock and it wasn’t working but I was able to immediately move to another unplanned lock that did work.  I was actually reacting without thinking (too much).  

The other thing that is coming slowly is confidence.  There are many times that I feel unsure, not worthy but they get less and less as I train, as I gain experience.  Lots of great moments this week!  Can’t wait for next weeks.

Voting, Vaccines, and Vegetarianism

 What do these three things have in common?  They are all about making informed decisions and then doing something about it.  Each decision has a repercussion, an outcome.  Even inaction has repercussions and consequences.  

“Informed” is the giant qualifier in the above sentence. It is approaching the information with an open mind and then evaluating it in a non biased manner.  To ask the Why! Then a decision can be made and from that an action.  Be careful, there is misinformation out there that could sway your decision on any of these topics but take heart as there is scientifically proven information also out there.  You just need to dig! To ask questions to people who are educated in the area.

And how do these things relate to Kung Fu? If you are thinking about “To train or not to train?”, either of these paths have outcomes and consequences.  You need to pick through the information surrounding you.  By walking the path of a martial artist, you develop the skills to help you dig deeper to answer those tough questions.  Even more important is that you are aware that an inaction has an impact that is no longer in your control so you work harder at being informed so you can make a decision. You do not quit, no matter how hard it appears.

Voting, Vaccines, and Vegetarianism- get informed, evaluate information unbiased, make a decision and do something about it! (I do not care what your decision is just try to have it unbiased and educated.)

Update - it’s been 9 weeks of Vegetarianism for myself.  63 days so I have surpassed my 50 day goal!  I feel good, I have energy, and my bloodwork is excellent so I am continuing down this path and excited about it.  

Lost my Way

 I’ve been sitting on this post for a week now.  Just wasn’t ready to share it but after our boot camp, I am ready!  

My Kung Fu journey comes with personal struggles.  Whose doesn’t?  For me it’s my medical health.  I do not mean the shoulder or the knee injuries that I am dealing with.  It is the Polycythemia Vera (a bone marrow disease that is treated with a chemo drug that put me on the immune compromised list). It is the Crohn’s disease that resulted in GI surgery that took some of my small intestine, and Thyroid Cancer that was treated with surgery and radioactive iodine.  This year had health issues again rising to the forefront.  Earlier in the year, my bloodwork was showing a change which is the sign that the PV is metastasizing. Luckily it was just a response to an infection and my health team is comfortable where everything is at.  Then last week I got my results from a skin biopsy on my nose and found out that I have micronodular basal cell cancer (a type of skin cancer).  So Nov 1 I will be going to the dermatology clinic to have a MOHs procedure where they cut away layer by layer until they get all the cancer removed.  

I am pretty positive about these things and work hard to have a positive attitude.  I have a plan, I have an action, I move forward.  I need to be positive, it is my coping mechanism.  But can positivity be bad?  I am realizing that I am using positivity as a way to downplay what is happening.  I am not allowing myself to fully appreciate the feelings and concerns that arise. I am not ignoring things, I have a plan and an action and in my mind I think there is nothing to worry about.  It's minor in the big picture of things that could go wrong but this thinking is where positivity can be bad.  It does not allow for the feelings of myself or others to be accepted, to be validated.  That is wrong!  If we don't acknowledge them and process them then it is as bad as ignoring them.  I may shut the door to my families feelings by being so positive, I even shut the door to my feelings.

This new challenge did cause a bit of panic and I see it in my training.  My normal routine went out the window and I started to change my training even though it has been working so well in the past. Thoughts on how can I progress faster because I "think" my recovery outage will be a week but I won't know until the time comes.  My journaling also went out the window, both in my numbers and in the quality of my journaling.   I haven't been sleeping well and I've been throwing PVCs (extra heart beats - I do that when stressed) so there is still more going on in that little brain of mine. My brain and my body are out of sync so I need to figure out how to bring them back.  It might be remnants of the busy week with the upgrade but I don’t think that’s the root cause.  I need to dig deeper and make sure.  I am so looking forward to the meditation portion of boot camp!  For now I am returning back to journaling my numbers, back to forms, back to what I was doing before.

Flexibility at Work

 If I have learnt anything over the last year, it is how to be flexible.  This has been evident in my work, at home, and my Kung Fu training.  I have blogged about my great work team before. Without a great team, my job would be so much harder to do.  I work in healthcare IT and I can tell you the last 15 years have been anything but boring or mundane.  The last 4 years have been the most exciting with a constant whirlwind of activity.  Previously my job was to lead the local team who support the laboratory applications.  Over two years ago, I took over the provincial transfusion application IT team and this summer it expanded to Transfusion, Transplant and Cellular Therapy.  Currently we have deployed the new Transfusion application to 40 hospitals and "only" have 71 more hospitals to go.  This is on top of my old applications that are still hanging around for awhile at least.  

Then change came Covid.  We continue to have delays as our hospital systems cope with the increasing stress of the ill.  Even in IT, there are many additional hours due to Covid.  Adding new ICU or overflow beds (even new treatment facilities) into the systems so patients can have lab work, testing platforms  constantly change requiring new test set ups, reporting of results, the addition of convalescent plasma, and the list goes on.  Flexibility to keep up with the changing times.

And on top of all this is the upgrade/changes that we are doing this week.  Tonight night we have a one hour outage and then tomorrow we have a 7.5 hour outage starting at 21:00.  I will be there with my staff, helping to coordinate, freeing them up to do their jobs, removing their roadblocks.  Never a dull moment!

But the biggest flexibility lesson I have learnt this last year is the balance of work life with home.  I use to be so involved in my work that the stress literally made me sick.  My family suffered, my health suffered.  It took me being hospitalized just before our first roll out to really sink in that I am not indispensable.  I am not that important.  I reorganized my priorities (I admit that I need to reorganize them frequently, especially at times like this week when it is easy to get caught up in the bustle that is occurring around me) and I am constantly reevaluating them, making my family, my health, and my Kung Fu a higher priority then they were previously.  By focusing on what is good for me, I actually improved my work performance with less time.  This is because the time I give is of higher quality, not only at work but at Kung Fu as well.  By focusing on quality work, priorities, and taking control of the things that I can change, my work and my Kung Fu has excelled this year and I didn't even realize it until I stopped to look back. 

See you on the mats!  (Virtually for tomorrow LOL)

  

Change

 Lots of change happening this time of year.  Simon is off to Lethbridge and won’t be home every 4 days.  Nate is working and always on the go. Katie is driving and is busy.  You would think we would have more time for us but that has not been the case yet.  Trying to find the new balance in our ever changing lives.  It’s a good change but still shifts the balance.  Hoping it will only take a minor tweak to get back on track.

Intensity - Seeing part 2 (with some sparring thrown in)

 Today I focused on where I was looking and WHY during my forms.  As I spoke with Sihing Kohut, I asked "should I be thinking 'downward foot block'"? The look he gave me was priceless.  It was a mixture of confusion and dumbfounded.  Why am I doing the action?  What is the purpose?  That was when I realized that not only did I need to bring my gaze toward my hand or foot, I needed to visualize the opponents actions  occurring that trigger my reaction.  I use to think I was doing this but today something just clicked now I know how wrong I was.  Later during my 1-1 with Sifu Csillag, he emphasized the need to turn my head before my moves in Da Mu Sing I (okay, in all my forms but this is an easy section to work on).  That really cemented in the "visualizing the opponents actions" before reacting.  

Why am I writing about this two days in a row?  During this weekend, I was given many suggestions where I can improve.  If I tried to fix them all at once it would be overwhelming.  Right at the beginning, we were told to look for similarities, things that can be grouped together.  So I have chosen to focus on "Seeing".  I have slowed down my forms so I can spend more effort on visualization.  Can I keep it consistently?  Absolutely not, I am breaking 8 years of habits.  Today when I become more confident, I felt myself get pulled back into those old habits.  I just acknowledged it, refocused and continued on.  It's going to take awhile to become the new habit but it will come.  

The other awesome thing today was having the opportunity to spar with Sihing Kohut.  Only twice did I flinch away but immediately recovered and continued without breaking stride.  I could see more openings and was quicker on my blocking and countering.  I felt confident, in control, and was able to try some of the techniques that we have been practicing in class.  It was great!  I know that he was not going full power or speed but he was being a great sparring partner.  He pushed me, gave me opportunities, but hit me when my guards were down (and I got a few good hits in on him as well LOL).  This is the type of sparring partner I want to be for others! 

Intensity - Looking but not Seeing

I use to think that intensity was speed and power.  Even though I was working on those aspects, I am not increasing intensity.  One thing we have been asked to work on is our eyes.  What does that mean?  I was given the example of “looking but not seeing”.  So today I did my forms slow and focused on what I was looking at.  Guess what I noticed?  My gaze was always out of focus and about 15 feet in front of me. I was keeping my head up and eyes to the front but I wasn’t seeing anything close to me.  Not realistic at all. I went through many forms and it was all the same.  I tried to narrow my focus on where I was hitting or blocking.  It took real effort to bring my gaze closer but I could do it.  As I write this, I am sure that I do this in sparring as well.  Why?  I try to expand my focus to see more in my peripheral view but I am losing out in my immediate view.  Another basic technique that I need to back track to the beginning.  This might not fix my intensity but it’s a start on that path.

Investment in the Student!

Yesterday I was able to partake in an event that resulted in one of those lightbulb moments.  The event had a huge impact in many ways but for this post I want to focus on "How much that has been invested in me, the student."

During the event,  I was thinking "Was this the best that I could give?" There were somethings that I was disappointed in and somethings that felt good.  I made a list of things I could improve on but it was definitely a "me" focus. 

When the "Investment in the Student" seed finally spouted last night, I asked myself "Did I show off my instructors investment to the best of my ability?" and I came up with different kind of list to improve on.  They don't have an investment in my 200m shuttle time, they have an investment in my cardio fitness.  They don't have an investment in where my gaze is in my form, they have in investment in my intensity and realization in my form. They don't have an investment in my broken horse stance, they have an investment in my stances being true to Kung Fu and developing my eye for detail.

I have been blogging that this is my path!  But is it really?  Sifu Csillag had posted previously about following in the paths of others and honestly, why would I want to be taking my own path instead of following one already laid down in front of me.  There is a difference between being on your own journey and taking your own path and even when you are on your own journey, you are not alone.  

Our instructors have been there to guide, teach and push us along our journey.  They do not do it because it's their job.  They do it because they believe in us.  They trust us with their knowledge.  They see the potential when we do not. They see the truth when we do not.  They are speaking their wisdom even though we are not listening.  They are showing us their experience even when we do not see.

So how do we stop missing out on all of this knowledge and improve the investment?  My first thought was all the missed opportunities when I didn't give 100% in my classes.   There have been Sifu's who have taught me along my path that I no longer have access to.  What knowledge have I missed by lacking engagement?  How much further would I be today if I gave more effort?   This last year I have been intent on engagement and even I can see the results in all areas of my life.  

This journey is not about being the first one to the finish line.  It is not about beating the person in front of you.  It is not about being left behind in the dust.  It is about being the best that you can be, always improving EVERYDAY.  It is about realizing all of the resources that you have in front of you, beside you, and behind you along the way.  The only way that you will fail this journey is if YOU quit.  For me, quitting is not an option.  I want to do justice to the investment made in me in all aspects of my life.  

See you on the mats!

Just 5 more minutes!

Just 5 more minutes!  We have all used this phrase at sometime in our lives.  5 more minutes of sleep, 5 more minutes of TV, 5 more minutes of studying, 5 more minutes to get something done that you have not completed.  Why are we always wishing for 5 more minutes?  

Saturday I did open training and got caught up in chatting instead of doing.  It made me realize that there are so many "5 minutes" that are lost if you do not take advantage of them.  I lost out on doing a form rep, actually it was many reps since it was more than 5 minutes of chatting.  Mediocrity just LOVES to sneak in and take away the minutes.  I need to make a conscious effort to be more aware of those lost minutes because I don't know if I have a lot of "5 more minutes" that I can spare.   So now I need to make up that time somewhere else but if I don't have a plan then it will just spiral.  

My plan is to make sure that I am aware of those fleeting 5 minutes and immediately do something to stop the fleeting and later I can reflect on the why.  I wonder how many minutes I am going to find?  I am going to track them and see.  

See you on the mats!

Taking Relationships for Granted

During our second degree meeting, Sifu Brinker made a comment on how we take the relationships of our black belts/ instructors for granted. 

When you first hear that you may think we are taking advantage of them but that was not the context.  We are not appreciating the gift of having them available.  We might be “waiting” until a better time to ask a question, to seek advice, to talk with them.  We are losing out on the opportunities that are right in front of us.  Losing out on knowledge that they have. Not appreciating the miracle of having them in our lives.  

Stewart Emery said “When we speak of miracles, we speak of events or experiences in the real world that are beyond the ordinary”.  We are learning an ancient style of martial arts by masters in our lives, in Canada, in Alberta, in Stony Plain.  How can that not be a miracle?  It is definitely beyond the ordinary.

Being reminded that we take relationships for granted couldn’t have come at a better time.  I was camping with my family.  I haven’t seen my siblings since before the pandemic and we have VERY different views on things but this reminder really gave me a different mindset.  I did not argue with anyone, I did not get upset because I know that things can change in a heartbeat and if I take relationships for granted I will miss out, I will have regrets.  Sifu’s conversation was a perfect reminder at the perfect time. Thank you Sifu!

What relationship are you taking for granted? What miracle are you missing out on?

See you on the mats!

Am I doing this for the right reason?

 One of my personal goals was to do 50 vegetarian days.  I had only logged a couple of them up to now so I decided I would go vegetarian consistently to get these completed.  Mike stated "Sounds like you are doing this to check it off your list, isn't that the wrong reason".  Initially I was defensive and said "absolutely not" but as I have had time to reflect he is correct.  That is not stopping me from staying with my vegetarian diet, but it is changing how I look at it.  Why did I choose this as a requirement?  What am I trying to accomplish?  

I wanted to be more mindful of my eating habits.  What I was eating, what I was discarding, where was my food coming from, etc.  I had a goal "Mindful Eating".  I had a plan "growing our own food, limiting our food wastage, knowing where our meat comes from, and increasing our vegetarian meals.  To accomplish this will entail document and weighing any food placed in the garbage for 30 days, having 50 vegetarian days, 30 consistent days of gluten free and lactose free" and I have almost completed my steps in my plan so I must be successful, correct?  WRONG!  

I had great intentions when I started and have accomplished most of these requirements but along the way I lost the intent.  I know this because I am not being as mindful on what and where I am wasting food, something that I just finished and blogged about. I was being vegetarian to finish my 50 day requirements.  So is this a failure?  No, it just means I need to stop, take a breath and ask "Am I truly mindfully eating?".

This has been a huge revolation for me as I recognize the pattern in so many more aspects of my Kung Fu and my life.  Am I doing this for the right reason? There are many places where I can say yes but there are others that are going to need adjustment.  All of them will need constant review (hmm sound familiar?). 

On a side note, growing our own food has taken off.  Literally LOL!

See you on the mats!

Injuries and Kung Fu

Yesterday I was at my chiropractor.  I had went to see if there was anything that he could find out with my knee.  The swelling has not gotten better after weeks, even with physio and massages.  He found an issue that he wanted my physiotherapist to work on which in it self would have made my day, but the highlight was when he felt my neck and said "you need more stress in your life, you neck is very loose".  I had the biggest smile and said "I've been working on that for MONTHS while doing my shoulder stretches and exercises" (thank you Ms. Ward for keeping me going with them).  It showed me how constant repetition benefits you, even if you don't see the results yourself.  Today it was physio and massage directed specifically at my knee and my knee felt the best it has in many weeks.  My physiotherapist still wants an ultrasound to make sure there is not something underlying.  Before this would scare me but not anymore.

This year was the first year that I have been so proactive with injuries.  Not just accepting them but dealing with them head on.  Even my shoulder has strengthened way more than before.  There is no more pain, I have increased two band strengths for my exercises.  I was able to do 30 knee pushup in class today (2 sets of 10 and 2 of 5)  but this is further than I have been able to progress in YEARS.  Next month will be working on a normal push up.  A small victory for some but a major one for me.  I have a medical team that is helping with my training and that is helping me mentally as well.  Working through injuries will help me be a better martial artist, it will just be a different path than others.

See you on the mats!

Hiking and Kung Fu

One of my personal goals was a multi day hike.  I enjoyed hiking when I was in my early 20s but then I didn't do any until 8 years ago.  This was directly related to joining Kung Fu and for that I am eternally grateful because I love hiking.  Multi day hikes not only test your endurance and stamina but also your mental strength.  There is always a time that you think "I can't go any further", it usually comes after tripping over the last root that you just didn't have the strength to lift your foot over, but you dig down and continue on and lift that foot a little higher.

Last year I even started making our own hiking meals and really enjoyed that process.  This year I added more recipes, including dehydrated yogurt for breakfast.  I enjoy knowing exactly what is in my meal, the science of dehydrating and weighing to make sure you know how much to rehydrate.  I've done Butter Chicken and Rice, Shephards Pie, GF Spaghetti and sauce, Sweet and Spicy Cashew Chicken and Rice, and Chili and all of these have turned out really well.  Hiking allows for my "control freak" to be let loose and I really enjoy that.  

I like to take time to stop and enjoy the views, being grateful that I am able to be there physically and mentally.  Knowing that many people will never see these views.  This year I embraced the similarities between my hike and my Kung Fu journey.  Really focusing on the journey not just the destination. 

I was even able to find a nice sandy spot that I could get some setups and pushups done alone the way.  😀

Every hike comes with new experience and learning.  This year was doing creek crossings that you needed to take your boots off, watching changes in water levels and planning around them, and blister care.   You meet people who are like minded and supportive.  You share information, adjust for challenges, learning along the way, and keep forging forward with a positive attitude.  Is that not the same qualities needed in Kung Fu? 

See you on the mats!

Training

How do you train properly?  I have been struggling with this over the year.  I would focus on fixing one thing in my entire form and then move onto the next but sometimes all the work I did didn’t stick totally before I moved on so many times it was back to the beginning.  It’s only been recently that I have seen (and felt) the advantages of breaking things down and focusing on smaller chunks.  Really cementing things in.

What is the definition of insanity?  Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. We know this!  So why do we do it in training?  As I prepare for grading, I’ve been working on improving technique and speed on my kicks but when I looked at the numbers, my speed has not really improved.  I was doing the same things over and over.  I decided to focus only on speed but then my technique suffered.  Why?  It shouldn’t be suffering that bad at this stage.  It is all in my intent.  When I focus ONLY on speed, I am not being true to my Kung Fu.  Kung Fu is not only about speed but this is also true when I focus ONLY on technique.  What?  Isn’t Kung Fu all about technique?  It is a balance of feeling and doing and more doing.  Always trying to improve.  I can’t keep doing the same actions but I also can’t throw away the good things that I have.  It’s that balance and there will be no moving forward unless I embrace it.

See you on the mats!

The Sucky Factor

 As I went through my belt levels, I always felt like I was progressing in a way that was easily identifiable and measurable.  I am now at the stage where “the sucky factor” has come into play.  What is “the sucky factor”?  It’s the stage where I see the things that I do awful (and boy is there lots to see).  Was I always this awful?  Yep!  But before I was focused on learning new things so I didn’t see these.  Did I do something wrong?  Nope!  I wasn’t ready to see these “sucky” areas, I didn’t have an eye for detail.  

So what are my next steps?  Once I identify a “sucky factor”, I need to ask myself “why is it sucky”?  and it usually comes from a few moves earlier.  My cat stance is not square, I am coming out of my center when I transition, I am winding up before I punch...the list goes on and on.

Initially when I was aware of my “sucky factor” I was discouraged.  How could I be  a brown belt and be so bad but Sifu Brinker said this comes when you start seeing an eye for detail.  Once I let my ego go and embraced my “sucky factor”, it blew so many things open.  I am able to make changes to eliminate the “sucky”.  The bad thing is once you fix one thing, you see three more things that need fixing.  The good thing is the fixes you do carry forward to other areas of your Kung Fu.  Here’s to embracing the “sucky factors”!

See you on the mats!

Mindful Eating and Waste

 One of my goals for May was to measure and record our organic waste that was put into the garbage.  We started putting organics in pails and taking them into town for recycling or feeding then to the chickens that we have.  Still the total amount of organics placed in the garbage was 2,437 gms.  That consisted of bones (until I found out I could put them also in organics) and some waste that others threw out but the biggest culprit was the Kurig coffee pods.  I tried to open them up and dump the grounds but I could never get them all out and there was so much plastic left over.  We don't drink a lot of coffee at home but we seemed to go through more pods then I thought we would.  We are really considering getting rid of our Kurig just due to the waste that they create (just haven't made the jump yet LOL)

By monitoring our organic garbage, it made me mindful of the other items that were recycled or garbaged.  The biggest waste in our garbage bags were the clam shells that my fruits and vegs came in.  I remember when we were in the Maritimes,  produce was placed in cardboard containers, not the plastic clamshells we have here.  It is making me look at the packaging that food comes in as well as the quality of the food.

The other big difference was the reduction of wasted food.  We still had some items that needed to be sent to the organic bin, but by being mindful of what we had in our fridge, we used most items up instead of them rotting in our fridge.  I started buying items only when I needed them and developed more meal plans using what we had on hand instead of buying more items.  According to lovefoodhatewaste.ca, Canadians will throw out 2.2 million tones of edible food each year, costing Canadians in excess of $17 billion.   That is a lot of food and resources (water, gas for transport, packaging, etc) that are wasted for no good reason.

You might wonder why I am blogging about my May goal in July, but I wanted to see if my habits would stick for longer than the 30 days and they did.  It has been easy to incorporate these new changes.  I am still very mindful of my garbage, and more importantly, making choices to limit that garbage.  Are you mindful about your eating and your waste?  If decreasing the amount of waste in our landfills is not incentive enough, think of all the money you will save just by being mindful and not wasting food.  

What a week can bring?

 Wow, I have just taken a breath and realized how fast a week can fly.  I was supposed to be missing class tonight and tomorrow.  At work, we were doing an upgrade starting this evening but late last week the upgrade version was withdrawn and the recommendation from our vendor was to not proceed.  My upgrade was occurring in conjunction with another large application upgrade so the amount of preparation, testing, communication, etc. that was needed was massive and to have that all be stopped at a moments notice was daunting.  But within 24 hours my team and I were able to get everything in place to make sure that we did not impact the other upgrade that is still proceeding tonight. Now I need to fit the new upgrade/fix into the summer so we don't impact the testing required for the next round of implementations.  But hey, at least I will be in class today and tomorrow.  😂

This upgrade was a 3 version application upgrade with a number of hardware changes also required.  Changes to physical servers, operating systems on servers, net new authentication servers, and so on.  (I know that this does not mean much to most people but it emphasized how much change was occurring with this upgrade).  You never change multiple things at a time unless you absolutely need to as you compound your risk with each change that your do.

So this week passed in a blur but it was not unmanageable, it was actually very manageable.  That was all due to being organized, having a positive attitude, everyone knowing what jobs they needed to do, working together and being prepared for situations.  The biggest things that helped this week was the affirmation challenge I had put out to the team.  The notes around my house helped me instantly ground and regroup and I needed that many times during the day.

My upgrade was also at the back of my mind on Monday's class when we were going through our forms.  Especially the "don't make too many changes at one time".  This is pertinent in Kung Fu as well as my upgrade.  If you make too many changes it increases your risk of issues occurring and potential failure.  Then you can become paralyzed by not knowing where to start or you can jump all over the place trying to fix things her and there, missing how all these pieces fit together giving you the end product.

At work I can easily section out pieces of the project and know what needs to be done so it connects in with another piece, having many pieces being worked on at once.  I realize now that I have not been taking this approach with my Kung Fu forms.  I section out the beginning of the form and work on that and then add to it.  I don't break apart each section and focus on those individually and then tie them together to create the end product.  I am really excited to try this approach but why does it take so long to figure some of these things out?  

This whole week really showed me how Kung Fu has been integrating into all aspects of my life in a positive way.   When you approach issues logically and with a good attitude, you can conquer anything.

See you on the mats!!!

Back to the Kwoon

 Yesterday was the first day back into the Kwoon after so long.  I forgot how much energy you receive with those around you.  They say you miss things when they are gone.  I didn't miss the energy when we were training at home, but once I stepped back on the mats it hit me like a rogue wave.  My intensity stayed high without even trying.  This couldn't have come at a better time.  

I have had my fair share of struggles along this road.  Most of them were easily identifiable.  I had just stopped, sometimes even slipping backwards.  This year the struggle has been more subtle.  It feels like I am on a racetrack, in first person point of view as a greyhound, chasing the white rabbit around the rail.  Each dog on the track is one of my requirements.  I put all my effort on one dog.  Driving forward, looking ahead, focused on that rabbit.  Then my point of view changes and I am the next dog in the race.  I know I have to work harder to catch up to the lead dog and ever have a chance at catching the rabbit.  What works for that dog doesn't work for this one.  Just when I find my groove in dog 2 and I am pulling ahead my point of view changes and its another dog and the last one in the pack is just playing with butterflies in the field. So you get the drift.  

Although I have been moving ahead with my requirements, it feels like above.  I don't want to stop and try something different as I am afraid I will lose ground but I also worry that the rabbit is going to stop and I will find myself back at the starting gate.  So why am I not panicking?  Because the Kwoon gave me a reset with my other areas of Kung Fu.  I visualized throwing my opponent, I could see someone there when I was doing my techniques.  It was small but helped me realize that I continue to move forward.  

See you on the mats!  FINALLY

Strong Leaders

 The following was sent at work from my boss's, boss's, boss (hope you followed that).  Someone who is in a high ranking position but demonstrates how we can show caring and compassion in all areas of our life.  Someone who leads by example and is not afraid to put out her feelings.  (This is shared with her consent.) In I Ho Chuan, we talk about leadership and making a difference.  Strong leaders are needed, but strong leaders must also show compassion and caring to really make changes.  This is the type of leader I aim to be.

Team,

Yesterday I sat in a park, across from a church that chimed its bells 215 times. Once for each child buried at just one of the Canadian residential schools.  I wept for the parents whose children were taken from them, I wept for the children who were forced to leave their family and live in fear, I wept for a society who were forbidden to practice those rites and rituals they held most dear, I wept for the many, many people who died.  

These things are inhumane.  That is one of the first tenants of racism, failing to see and acknowledge the humanity in others.  In that moment, I let the enormity of what had happened crash over me and ached for the lost generations.  My acknowledgement of their pain did not change the past, but it brought better clarity, understanding and compassion in me for the indigenous peoples of Canada. Not an academic understanding of events, but the visceral empathy of standing in their shoes. 

It is easier, of course, to stay detached from the impact actions of society has had throughout history.  But walking a mile in someone else’s shoes will change the way you see them forever.  If we all took time to do that, we might just begin to heal the fissures in our society that still exist today and treat each other with just a little more kindness. 

Later this month is National Indigenous People’s day, but given the profound impact my experience yesterday had on me, it seemed better to share in the moment. 

 

When I read this, I had tears in my eyes.  These things don't happen in Canada!  But they did.  Talking to others, I heard comments like "this was years ago", "we have learnt from this", "how does this pertain to us today" as well as comments that expressing sorrow for those that were impacted.  I also hear of the issues that are occurring today, in Canada, in Alberta, in Edmonton.  Hatred to the Asian population, people blaming the pandemic on skin color and race.  Why has intolerance become more prevalent in the last few years?  That is why the above email hit so hard.  We need to have stronger leaders in today's society.  People who are not afraid to show caring and lead by example if we are ever to recover back to the caring Canadians we use to be known for.  We all need to be these strong caring leaders TODAY!

Tough mental week

 There were so many things to blog about this week.  We had the Tiger Challenge, it was a great day that left me in such a great mood.  We had some really great classes and discussions that were so enlightening.  This week was so positive but it did not start that way.  I really dropped the ball.

First was the outcome of my full intensity workout (see last blog).  I did it but couldn't move for 3 days afterwards.  It made me doubt if I should have done such a full intensity workout, if I should have held back a bit so I didn't hurt so much.  Maybe I shouldn't have done it so close to the tiger challenge.  Lots of self doubt thoughts.  After we did our kicks on Sunday with the other candidates, I realized that those were poor excuses and actually I need to do these intense workouts more often so as a group we are going to add them now into our weekly get togethers.  Nothing better than dragging someone along with you LOL.

Second was the receiving of my spear tip.  I was so excited, it was so shiny and dangerous looking.  It would definitely make my form look so much cooler, how could it not.  So it went onto my spear and surprise, it was NOTHING as I expected.  I was expecting that shift in centering of my spear to change but not that much.  Add the extra 4 inches and I was hitting the ground on every spin.  Then there was the extra weight at the end.  I remember Sifu Brinker asking how my shoulder would do with the spear form and I could not understand what he meant.  My tipless rattan spear was light and easy to move.  Who would think 242 gm (yes I weighed it) would make a difference!  That is similar to a  1/2 pound of butter, not that heavy at all but put it at the end of a long stick and it feels MUCH heaver than that.  Good ole physics, this time they were not in my favour.  On a positive note, I was no longer spearing the hats off opponents but now they needed to guard their knees.  My wrist and shoulder felt every movement.  So the morning of the tiger challenge, I removed the tip.  I knew I shouldn't have made changes before a competition but worse was making them the day of as well.  The tip is going back on this week so I have so much more to work on then previously but that is okay.

I also did not consistently do my shoulder stretches, exercises, sit-ups or push ups. I did SOME but not consistently.  So today was a great restart and my goal this week is to work on that consistency.  Last week took a hit on me mentally but I was able to regroup and start again and it started all with the Tiger Challenge.  Thank you to all the Sifu's and everyone else who put in their time to make it so enjoyable!  Can't wait to get back on the mats and do it in person!

Finding your balance!

There is a fine line to keep the balance between work and home.  Sometimes I feel like I'm walking a tightrope over the Niagara Falls, two steps forward and things change so drastically that you are swaying and trying desperately to catch your balance.  But you catch your breath, recover and move one more step forward.  Slowly moving forward.  

You might wonder why I did not add Kung Fu to this balance.  I am trying to use my Kung Fu as the balancing pole to help me recover.  Sometimes I need it more on one side and sometimes more on the other but it is there both in work and home to help me.  For example, today was not a very productive day outside.  The weather was raining and cool so I tried to get things done inside that have been on my list.  I got a few things completed and it still did not feel like I accomplished enough so I did a hard workout.  This was WAY overdue.  Throughout my workout I kept saying "give only full intensity" which made that workout harder but boy did it feel good when it was done.  It rejuvenated me to get more things in the house completed which then felt like I had accomplished something.  

I will be taking the "give only full intensity" into my work day tomorrow.  My goal is to give more during the time that I am at work so I can finish work earlier and be more present for my home time.  My kids stated that I am always working, it wasn't a complaint it was a statement and because of that it was way more powerful than complaining.  So I will hold onto my Kung Fu balancing pole and take another step forward on my work/home tightrope.  (A balance pole also lowers your centre so if that doesn't represent Kung Fu, what does?). I am interested to see how others are incorporating Kung Fu into their daily lives, so please share if you have more suggestions.  

See you on the virtual mats!