So a physiotherapist walks into a bar..

 Okay, I walked beside a bar with my physiotherapist but this title is catchier.  As you can probably gather, today I went for another evaluation. I’ve been worried about my current issues with balance and lack of strength.  

Do what did I find out?  The prednisone masked all inflammation that I previously had so the aches and pains are to be expected.  Steroids cause loss of strength in your central body (core, shoulders, hips) so this helps explains so much.  

I was given exercises to help build muscle and balance.  Told to continue with Tai Chi and exercises I was doing and revaluate in 2 months.  The other item I was told to do was journal EVERYTHING.  What exercises I am doing, how am I feeling and look back in the last day or two to find trends.  Hmmm… journaling daily, now why does that sound familiar?  LOL Even brain fog can’t take that away.

My good news today was this is just another bump in my journey and it’s going to take some hard work to get over it but it should improve as I move forward.

Hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season.  See you on the mats!

Balance

The one thing that has been evident with my recovery is rebuilding of my balance.  When I first came out of the hospital I had lost all muscle strength.  This was due to the meds that I was given.  As I rebuilt that strength, I thought it would be all uphill but as with any journey, there is ups and downs. 

 I definitely rebuilt muscle but now with the extended inactivity (and continued med changes) comes a new set of challenges. The one that I am focusing on is my balance.  If I am sitting for 30 minutes or longer, when I get up I can feel my muscles in my feet working to maintain my balance.  I feel the muscles shifting and activating, working hard.  I feel the inner muscles fire, then the outer muscles, front and back, adjusting. I have to wait a few seconds for my balance to stabilize before even taking a step. 

These ups and downs can be very frustrating and I can honestly say that I have had a few temper tantrums along my journey but then I take a deep breath and figure out what my next steps are. Talking with Sifu Brinker, booking an appointment for a physiotherapy assessment, and when I do my forms, I focus on my balance during transitions instead of just stepping/falling into next stance. 

I’m need to continue this micro muscle awareness as I progress through this new bump because the only way I fail is if stop trying. 

I challenge you to focus on your micro muscles in your feet the next you stand up and not take those for granted.

See you on the mats!

Finally a blog

 I have three draft blogs but nothing posted so here I go.  Last month I finally was off my prednisone.  My doctor warned me that there would be side effects, but I had been on such a low-dose that I really didn’t believe these would occur. The funny thing is, I was hit very hard with the side effects. My energy has been so low, my joints ache and seize, and my muscle has again deteriorated.  Monday I saw my Transplant team and they are decreasing my last immuno suppressant. She is hoping that I can get off of my immunosuppressants so I am able to get my live vaccinations. In the meantime, I have also asked to be referred to a physiotherapist to try and get my flexibility and strength going again.  It’s really frustrating when it feels like I am taking three steps back and not going forward at all.  That being said, I am sitting and waiting to get into my black belt class as any movement is better than none.

I hope this is just a phase and will pass (fingers crossed).

Breakathon 2023

This week was our breakathon. I didn’t even consider competing until my 1-1 with Sifu Brinker the day prior.  He talked about ways I could try while not risking injury.  Thoughts whirled around my head and I still wasn’t sure what I was going to do.  Once I got to class I was more than willing to try, I was excited.  I did my 10 breaks, I even held a couple of boards for others all in a safe environment.  I didn’t realize how much fear I had until I overcame it with the help around me.  

Don’t get me wrong, I have a lot of work to do but still can’t wait till next year!

Finally!

Yesterday was my first in person class in almost 2 years and it was amazing!  It was nice being there and feeding off of everyones energy.  

I worked on a couple of forms.  I was surprised how much I remembered but also how much I forgot.  When I let muscle memory lead me, I could get through large sections but as soon as I tried to “think” about it, I would loose everything.  It reminded me that although I have chemo brain holes, the drugs can’t take away my foundation.  

This week I was finally weaned off of my prednisone (hoping it will stay that way).  The side effects is muscle aches and pains, joint swelling and fatigue but the best thing I can do is exercise.  Being in person makes exercising so much easier.  Can’t wait to continue to increase my in person presence (and down to one immunosuppressant 🎉).

See you on the mats!

My Ego

 I always thought I didn’t have an ego but when I really start evaluating myself, I had a bigger ego than I cared to admit.   This year stripped my ego bare and laid it out. Feelings about where I am and where I could be only if. ..

Only if I didn’t get sick

Only if I didn’t have complications 

Only if I was able to attend classes in person

Only if I was more present 

Only if I was more consistent 

Only if I recorded my numbers better

Only if I blogged more

My ego is creating doubt about joining next years IHC.  

What have I contributed to the team this year?  How could I regress so far?  My muscles have seized and my mind has gaps.  My body aches and my my knees are once again screaming at me.  I am feeling VERY old.

I know movement will help with the muscles, both strength and flexibility.  I know repetitions will help with the brain gaps.I say that I am okay with where I am but that is not true.  The “only if” questions is my ego is stopping me from accepting my current reality. I cannot just tell my ego to STOP IT!  My first step is to acknowledge it and then my ego needs to be trained, just as my body and brain does. Only then will I be successful.  This is why I will be joining IHC again.  It is my guidebook to training my ego, my brain, and my body.  One step at a time.

Just slow

A couple of weeks ago, I went to the kwoon with Sihing S Kohut before classes started to do a couple of reps of a form.  I was able to do 2 reps of 18 temple but really felt it in my joints and my balance seemed to be worse, not better.  Then to make matters worse, when I tried to help Sihing with Tai Chi and I could remember some moves and then I would draw blanks.  It was very frustrating as I’ve been doing this for years!  I know I have cognitive impairments from my treatments but it has not hit home so hard as that day.   (I knew all the parts of 18 temple motions so I’ll take that as a win.) 

I am hoping to start back on the mats in October and I think I will focus on the adult beginner class so I can relearn with them.  I just need to put my ego away and be okay with where I am at today.

Update from my last blog, I was able to get a number of days of meditation in and my sleep has definitely improved but it is not a habit yet.  Still working on that.

Spiritual and Heart Health

 It’s been a few weeks since I posted.  Time has sure flown.  The one thing that has really been bothering me these last few months is sleep.  I can fall asleep fine but in the middle of the night I will then be up for hours.  They tell me that is a side effect of the steroids I’m still on but I know it’s more.  Although my physical strength continues to grow, I have neglected my spiritual side and it’s showing.  I’ve missed Tai Chi classes and I haven’t been meditating.  I never realized how much these impact me physically because when I’m tired, my body does not want to do things.  It becomes a viscous cycle and I do not want to depend on sleep meds.  That being said, although I recognize what I need to do, I still have not corrected it. It’s pretty bad that I did more meditation in the hospital than I do now. I just need to start my day off with some meditation so tomorrow morning that is what I will do (please join me if you wish).

On a different note, I had my stress test this week.  Although I wasn’t on the treadmill for too long, I did make it to the third speed and that was the fastest I’ve walked since my treatments and I didn’t trip or stumble!  My happiest moment was when they they told me everything looked good with that and with my echo.  My new abnormality is nothing to worry about.  My second was when they were surprised that my heart rate returned to normal so quickly.  At least that training is still working 😅.  Now I can start increasing my cardio exercise because honestly, I was a little afraid before I knew my results even though the cardiologist told me not to worry.

Both spiritual health and heart health are the silent but very important parts of training in Kung Fu. These areas are harder to log progression but not impossible.  I need to pay close attention to my body and know it will take weeks or longer for small improvements but it’s worth it!

Relationships

 We tend to gravitate to like minded people and these people will support you as you support them.  Over the years and with different life circumstances, you will expand and change these relationships.  With all relationships it takes effort and you get out what you put in.  This is part of engagement that Sifu Brinker always talks about.  

As Mike and I are busy with renos needed to list our house, I have realized I’ve neglected my relationships.  My Kung Fu, my cancer group, my friends who have been with me through all of this.  So when I am planning my day, I need to also plan quick checkins.  These relationships are not fragile that they will break with some neglect but leave it long enough and eventually everything will deteriorate. I want to maintain a healthy relationship instead of needing to repair it at a later date.

On a side note, I received my second set of baby immunizations today!  Slowly building that immunity!  

Consequences

With any decision comes consequences, good or bad or just a different path.  

I have been on long term steroids since my transplant and although these were required, they have consequences.  My bone density has come back with moderate risk of fractures so now I will start taking a bone building medication. They also want me to count my elemental calcium intake (without increasing my current supplement). 

So how does this relate to Kung Fu?  Nutrition is a huge part of our training but if you’re not logging it then it’s similar to not recording your numbers. I could just guess but that does not benefit me.  Numbers are everything!  Embrace the numbers instead of just recording and you can then see trends, true values and results.

Training on my own

 My third session of cancer exercise class is almost complete.  That means I have been doing them for 30 weeks and the change has been amazing.  I can feel my muscles again, especially in my legs and glutes.  My knees have not been hurting at all.  I think that since I needed to rebuild everything from the ground up, I had no other muscles compensating.  Throughout my exercises, I focus on intent.  What is the muscle I am trying to work on?  If I can’t feel it or activate it, I am asking why.  Do I have my core engaged? Am I doing the motion correctly?  Am I activating other compensating muscles.  This journey has really allowed me to focus on feeling movement, feeling proper muscles firing, stretching and breathing. Just feeling!

I am scared because classes are over for the summer.  Like all training, if I don’t use it, I will lose the ground I gained so now begins the hard part.  Training again on my own.  I know I can do it, I was doing it before but that was 15 months ago.  The difference now is I am not afraid of failure, I am afraid of not even trying so as long I keep that in front of me, I will continue to progress.  

Am I in the best shape?

 During our last IHC meeting we were asked “am I in the best shape of my life”.  As you can imagine, I am not even close to where I was 1.5 years ago, heck I’m not even close to when I started Kung Fu.  This could be discouraging, I could make excuses, but this has been the ultimate learning experience.

As I write this, my face is red as I just completed my exercise class. My team finished our challenge yesterday and although I had to do modified, I still was able to do over 200 each SU and PU to contribute.  I can honestly say that I’m in better shape today than I was even two days ago and miles above where I was a year ago.  

It’s been a long road of hard work and a longer road ahead but as I continue to focus on being mindful and working to get better, I will continue to improve and that will lead me to be in the best shape of my life.

Stategies

These last few weeks I have been taking courses through WellSpring.  This is a non profit organization for patients, caregivers and families dealing with cancer.  They have a wide variety of courses from educational to entertainment. The current courses that I have weekly is a Gentle Yoga, Brain Fog, and QiGong.  Every one of these courses come with strategies that we are to try for a dedicated time to see if they work for the individual.  Here are some key points that really resonated with me.

1. Trust the process, do not focus on the goal - this is continually reiterated in Gentle Yoga.  Do small consistent actions and feel your body in the poses, do not focus on trying to get that perfect looking pose because that is when you will get hurt.  You work up to it gently and gradually.  Doesn't this sound familiar?  We are always told to trust the process in our Kung Fu and as I continue to rebuild my foundation I can look honestly at my self and know that my progress is proportional to the effort that I am putting in.  Some things I am continuing to improve while others are stagnating. 

2. Practice the strategy - During our Brain Fog course, we have been given 2 strategies this week to help with remembering items.  We have been asked to really practice these strategies (compartmentalization and story telling) and not bend them to something that we like.   These are not easy strategies for me and it takes a lot of work to focus and use them but the more that I practice, the easier it is becoming.  Does this sound familiar?  How many of us have "bent" the I Ho Chuan requirements to make them fit something that was "easier" to do?  I can honestly say that I have done that on more than one occasion but I also have done IHC enough to know that it is only when you practice the requirement in its true form that you benefit from it.

3. Relax, feel, and enjoy - during QiGong we are reminded that we may not feel the energy flowing  during our practice but with consistent practice it will get easier and easier until it is second nature.  I have not felt any great increase in energy but by doing this and Tai Chi weekly, I am feeling it at least consistently.  I have been able to improve my relaxation to the point that I keep catching myself nodding off during my meditations (lets call it going into a trance, sounds more positive LOL)

4. Move with your breath - both Yoga and QiGong are focused on moving with your breath NOT breathing with your movement.  We have many Kung Fu forms that also are based on moving with your breath.  I knew that I was not doing it effectively before but now I realize how ineffective I was.  You need to know your movements so you are able to focus on the breath and not having to think about what is next.  I have been practicing on small chunks of my forms (only 2-3 moves) so I can really focus on the breath instead of the movement.  This is a really hard concept but as with everything it will take practice.

5. Last but not least, go outside your comfort zone - I signed up for an online music program that I thought Mike would really enjoy.  It turned out that I also had a blast.  It was just something different that was out of my comfort zone and was surprised that I learnt new things about myself.  

This is my Segway into the Tiger Challenge - Go outside your comfort zone, trust the process, breathe deep and ENJOY! You will learn lots about yourself as well.  Wishing I was there but cheering you all on from the sidelines! 

Being Thankful

The last two weeks have been busy.  I had my 1 year transplant birthday and a few days later had some friends over who I have not seen for over a year. 

My family was supposed to come over but my brother and his family was/is evacuated from Drayton Valley so they have been very busy (and stressed), my sister-in-law and other brother were sick so we needed to take a rain check. 

Yesterday we got notice that a friend passed away.  We haven’t been in contact much over the years but we were really good friends 20 years ago and having him in our lives impacted our life path a number of times.  It is a mixture of sadness that he is gone and happiness that he was in our lives and left lots of good memories.

Today I spent the day with my mom and sister.  It was a beautiful visit and a great time with my family. Mike and the kids made me a beautiful flower bed (Mike made it and the kids helped with flowers) and even though the boys were not home, I was able to have nice visits with them. 

These last few weeks have really emphasized mortality and how lucky that I am to just be here.  How friends and family change as we grow older but still leave impacts on us. I think my visit today was so good because we just enjoyed each other’s company, we were embracing the moment. I am thankful for the friends and family I have in my life.

It’s just Kung Fu!

This last week has been a variety of appointments with different teams.  I met with an Occupational Therapist for a “brain fog” assessment and tools to use to help with this.  This condition has been weighing heavily on me as we start the conversations about returning to work.

I have noticed my ability to remember things is impacted the more that I try to do things.  The more stressed I am, the worse it gets.  Luckily there have been so many adaptations available that I decreased the stress.  I do not remember many of my forms so I have been focusing on two and getting my body and my brain back to some type of normal before expanding.  On our 1-1, Sifu Rybak told me to continue working on my forms during my class and not worry about learning any new forms.  This was a huge relief and confirmed that I was on the right track.

My “brain fog” assessment went well.  I was a little below normal but high functioning. She asked what I was doing to help cope.  I told her about Tai Chi, ACE exercises, KF classes, meditation, starting gentle yoga for cancer patients, do memory and word games, starting a cancer QiGong class and a Brain Fog class.  I make lots of lists and lots of alarms to ensure I don’t miss things (and I still miss things).  She told me how I was doing absolutely everything that she would have recommended and was quite surprised.  I was happy but at the same time frustrated.

I was hoping for a magic bullet but it was just another instance of slow and steady progress is the correct pathway to improvement.  It really is just Kung Fu, my path is a bit different than yours but the foundation is the same.

Turning the OFF to ON!

We often talk about recognizing our strengths and weaknesses.  One of my strengths is when I am on, I am ON.  I am positive, energetic, wanting to do more.  Unstoppable!  The person that I want others to see, the person I like to see.

On the flip side is my weakness - when I am off, I am OFF.  I hide behind the glass rock.  I do not blog, I miss classes, I am not motivated.  The more this occurs, the deeper I get lost.  There are many things that can turn your switch OFF.  The difficulty I am having is that not only am I recovering physically, I am recovering mentally as well.  Individually these are a challenge but when both are off, I am lost!  The last few weeks I have been struggling with physical setbacks.   Now add this with "brain fog" which can occur from chemo or radiation (I had lots of both) and a meeting about returning to work in the fall and my mental capacity was also overloaded.  This resulted in sadness, depression, sleeping 4 hours in a day, and no motivation.  I was not engaged in classes (there is a difference between attending and engagement) or I missed classes entirely.

The one action that I am trying to build as a strength is when to ask for help and from whom.  My trigger point is my sadness and lack of engagement.  The lack of engagement in my Kung Fu quickly becomes a lack of engagement in other daily activities increasing my sadness.  It really is a downward spiral that gains momentum the longer it is left unchecked.  I reached out to a variety of people.  My medical team put me back on prednisone for the physical issues, my parents came to help around the house, I'm working with an occupational therapist on the brain fog, referred to a psychologist for the sadness and depression, joined some cancer support groups and am taking advantage of the classes they offer.  I continue to do my exercise classes, booked a 1-1 with Sifu Rybak and worked on my hand and weapon forms.  All of this helped move the OFF to an ON.

The biggest step is recognizing when I am OFF and then knowing what it takes to move that switch to ON.  Also to know that the actions I take today may not be the actions I need the next time.  Hopefully this will help to make those OFF times shorter.  I am the strongest advocate for my physical and mental health and I know that I can not do this alone.

See you on the virtual mats!

Walking the Fine Line

My recovery has come a long way and now I am in the difficult section where my progression is not immediately apparent even though I continue to work hard. This resulted in doing actions that could have had a serious negative impact but luckily they were only minor.

I was participating in my ACE (cancer exercise) program and I was feeling pretty great so I pushed myself hard.  Isn't that what we are supposed to do, push ourselves hard, going beyond our limits?  This is the fine line that we all walk because I ended up pushing too hard causing myself to get sick after class and then I was very sore for the next couple of days.  At first my ego went "you must have been a slacker because you should have been feeling this sore sooner" and then my brain was "are you really this stupid? Is this working out soreness or have I activated my GVHd and it's affecting my joints".  Luckily it was just working out soreness.

The next ACE class I was the only one home, so I had to push that ego aside and dial back my exercise, not to the extent that I was going through the motions but just to the point that I was pushing myself just to that fine line.

Each of us has a line that we push beyond to expand our training but when you are recovering from injuries that line is not only lower than previous but it is also thinner.  It doesn't take much to cross it and during your recovery if you are impatient, it can also set you back.  We must alway be working to find that line and just pushing ourselves slightly over it.  Even healthy, you need to make sure to push past your line but too far too fast or you could cause injuries.

It's like a yo-yo, push yourself and check to see how you feel.  Too much? Retreat a bit, push again. Not enough, push a little harder.  I have to constantly evaluate what my body CAN do, not what it did previously.  That is my currently line.  

The second part of this post is what to do when that line may not be moving even when you're training.  Do I blindly trust that my line will move if I continue to do the same actions?  My answer is "NO".  I learnt through the years of training that there are times when I need an outside opinion so I booked my 1-1 to talk to Sifu Brinker and discuss where I was at.  (I should have booked that sooner, my bad!)  The other was from my girlfriend that let me know during our walk that I was walking faster and farther than previously.  So although I was not seeing any change to my line, I was able to validate that my training is working even if I don't see it.  

I am not sure if I will ever get back to the line I previously had. As long as I keep pushing my current line, I will continue to improve and who knows where that will lead!

Minor setback

This blog is late but I have a few reasons.  It started Sunday night/Monday morning with my first trip to the ER since my transplant (almost 10 months ago) for a fever.  Good news is that is a pretty good streak, bad news is a cold is what caused this.  A minor cold caused a high fever and now the other symptoms are setting in but it always could be worse (it’s not Covid 😊).  Also my UAH ER trip was just over 3 hours and that included X-rays, IV antibiotics, blood draws, swabs, fluids, etc.  I really had great care (had to plug our great medical people out there).

Now it doesn’t take much to shake my emotional state and the last few days I was more tired than normal and that caused some anxiety and self pity.  I know it’s okay to feel these things and to acknowledge them but as someone who likes to look at the positive, it is really hard to blog during the down times.  This is not fair to me or to you.  I need to transparent with the good and the bad so I can be true to myself.  

Once I acknowledged my current feelings and lack of activity, I needed to make a plan to move forward smartly. I wanted to do my own exercise program today but Mike just raised his eyebrow as any exertion would cause coughing and a runny nose.  Sometimes it’s the outside advice that helps us make those smarter decisions.  So I made a small checklist of a few doable things and slowly worked on those.

Can this relate to Kung Fu and your journey? Absolutely.  There will always be something that will take that great streak you have (or a not so great one) and send it sideways.  It will be your attitude that makes you elevate and allow you to jump back in the wagon.   But you need to be recognize the negative feelings that occur when you fall off.  Recognize and accept them but do not let them rule you, get help if needed.  It’s the same concept when your mind wanders during meditation, recognize and accept it and move on.  As long as we are moving forward we are making progress.

Embracing an injury or setback

Working through an injury or a setback allows for us to focus on different aspects that were not as noticeable as they are now.  In my example, as I have been working on my 18 temple motions and Tai Chi, I have noticed that my grounding and centering are changed by minor movements.  These minor shifts have a major impact as I easily lose my balance.  In Tai Chi, as soon as I overextended my centre, I would stumble.  This would occur as I shifted forward and my knee became too far over my foot.  Another place was during my cat stances and my bow stances, if my shoulders were too far forward then my grounding on my back foot would not be solid. Previously I would have noticed these issues at the end of my stance but as I have to be slower, I am noticing these nuances as they occur.  This way I only need to go back two or three steps to find where the problem starts and can correct it easier.  Although I would rather be without my setbacks, they are improving my Kung Fu and the 6 harmonies that would have taken me so much longer so I am embracing each moment.

When is the right time?

This week has been filled with lots of naps and recovery.  I will feel good and have a busy day and the next day is pretty much a right off with the amount of sleep that I require but that is to be expected.  My doctor warned me that my tiredness will get worse as we are now decreasing my prednisone (this is the second of three immunosuppressants that we are weaning off) but I'm excited for these little steps.

The immunosuppressants that I am on is due to the acute Graft vs Host (aGVHd) disease that I developed shortly after transplant.  My primary caregivers (Mike and my best friend Joanne) knew that I was had severe aGVHd but it wasn't until I had to update some of my clinical trial documents last week that I found out that it was Grade 3 aGVHd (out of a 0-4 scale).  The doctors didn't know what they were going to do if these three drugs did not work as the mortality rate for Grade 3 and 4 is very high so I consider myself immensely lucky to be here today.   

So how does this relate to Kung Fu?  If I waited for the right time to do something, I would probably still be waiting to do anything.  My personal goals this year are to help me with mortality and gratitude.  Tai Chi, meditation, readings on these areas are ways that will assist me to continue to move forward, slow as it may be.  The other personal goal is a community project.  Something that I can do that will assist others.  How do I use the precious time that I have been given to make a difference to others?  

If I waited until I was "better", I would be missing out on the time that I have available now.  It might not be a lot of time but I have have some time so why not use it.  I have started my brain dump on things that interest me for my community project and reached out to some knowledgable resources to bounce ideas around.  

I will focus more on my community project on the next post but the take away from this post is "NOW is the right time".  Don't wait until you "think" you are ready, figure out how you can proceed with what you have right now.  

Lau Gar and chemo brain

Today was my first on video black belt class in 9 months.  I’ve been monitoring the class and working with the video off so I was very nervous.  I almost talked myself into “one more class” of video off. 

Why was I so nervous?  Chemo brain is a real thing. My forms (and most other things) take so much more thought process than before.  So I start to think “What if I don’t know them, will I look silly?”  All the ego self doubt talk that we all do at one time or another. I was about to use it as an excuse but figured I will do what I can.  I know I’m not being judged so why was I letting my ego dictate this.

I had Mike help me with Lau Gar before class.  I remembered more than I thought but I did have some issues with transitions.  When I did my class, I went at my speed and focused on trying to maintain grounding. My balance and stances were shaky but I actually made it through the entire class!  My cardio was up and my legs were feeling it but it was awesome! I was so energized that I wanted to do more immediately but the one thing that I have learnt these last 9 months is to take these small steps and pace myself just as long as I keep motivated to move forward!

Nice to be on the mats for another class!

Year of the Rabbit!

Yesterday was the banquet for the Year of the Rabbit.  Having the opportunity to stop in to see everyone at noon was amazing.  It has been a long time and I sure miss everyone.  I could have just hugged you all! Watching the demo live brought new perspectives. One part of me was sad that I was not able to participate or attend but that was overshadowed by the excitement and wonder of the candidates and the team.  Everyone did an awesome job and I was so happy to be able to watch the ceremony virtually.  

Congratulations to Sifu Dennis on her 6th degree, to the blackbelt candidates, and all those who were presented awards.  You had an amazing year!

To the IHC team - you all were fantastic.  For many of you, this was your first year performing in front of an audience but made it look like you are old pros.  

I am excited to see what this year brings!  Go Rabbits!

The Power of Blogging

Today was my first class on my second round of the ACE (Alberta Cancer Exercises) program.  I was able to do 30 seconds of full jumping jacks before moving down to a modified form.  I could look at this as I was only able to do 30 seconds of jumping jacks but by blogging my progression in the last 8 months, I could see how this was a positive step forward, small as it might be.  

Most of my documentation and blogging of my journey has not been on the IHC forum.  I have documented on my personal blog and journal and these are still a powerful tool.  Here are some of the steps and milestones over these months that show how 30 seconds can be a real positive step forward.  

April 26 - Entered the Foothills hospital to start treatment.  

May and June consisted of trips around the hospital pushed in a wheelchair.  I could only do some of the Tai Chi warm up exercises. There was even one instance when I had to get down on the floor for my slipper which was under my bed and I became stuck.  There was no way that I could get off the floor using my leg muscles and my arm muscles were just as useless.  In my mind, I still recall the image of a stuck seal trying to get up on a rock.  I am sure that is exactly what I looked like trying to get back into my bed. At least we can laugh at it now. 

July - I slowly transitioned to a walker which was my main form of assistance.  I had to move to my hands and knees to get up off the ground.  I needed help to climb up two small stairs to our friends deck. 

Aug - I turned in my wheelchair and walker just before heading home to Stony.  Once I was home, I could barely go up and down the stairs but I could start to get out of the tub easier. I was able to do more and more in my Tai Chi classes.

Sept - Started the first round of the ACE program.  Most of my exercises were from a chair but slowly I was able to do harder and harder exercises. Started to participate in the entire Tai Chi classes.

Oct - I had a hard time lifting my feet so would stumble when walking.  Could not do any of the jumping exercises.  Able to walk up and down the stairs at home easier, even carrying a laundry basket.  These were the months of weight gain from the medications so that brought on another set of challenges. I finally had my central line removed.

Nov - Mike and I went to Canmore and I walked to the bakery.  3 km round trip.  Legs burning but I did it (and what a reward at the end). Attended Tai Chi classes regularly.

Dec - Completed the ACE program and did the post assessment.  Was able to see improvements in all areas but needed a reality check.  I was expecting to do better and my ego was comparing me to others, comparing me to my former self.  I mean it had been 7 months so I should be better by now, correct?  This was a tough month mentally which slowed my physical progression.  

Jan - Started the year at Canmore.  Able to get some beautiful walks around Lake Louise, Banff, and Canmore area.  Yesterday I was able to do 175 wall pushups and modified situps. Today I started my ACE exercises using the weight and difficulty from last session and for the first time, I was able to lift my feet and do 30 seconds of jumping jacks.  

By documenting my journey, it shows how 30 seconds is a positive step forward and how I can look back at this later to remind me how far I have come.